The Dysfunctional Somali Diaspora Household: A Analysis

Can I get a like if you know a Servile Sahra and Obedient Abdullahi

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Servile Sahra and Obedient Abdullahi


Servile Sahra and Obedient Abdullahi love tradition, authority, and are cautious and dutiful. When it comes to being brainwashed by excessive religion and fooled by self-serving invocations of dhaqan iyo diin , servile Sahra and Obedient Abdullahi are second to none. They inherently lack an ability to think independently for themselves, and are thus dependent on authority figures for guidance on what to think, say and do—regardless of how illogical that guidance is. Sadly for them, the main authority figures in the dysfunctional Somali diaspora are Sheikh Abu Omar and Religious Somali Mom—not exactly ideal characters to emulate. As a result of this influence, Servile Sahra and Obedient Abdullahi tend to be homophobic, narrow-minded, anti-secular, xenophobic, religious chauvinistic, anti-democratic—even if they grew up in liberal host country environments. For some, growing up in a liberal host-country causes an unresolved psychological tension between which authority to respect—the household Somali one, or the broader secular one—but while the host-country may temper the extremity of their traditional views, the home view will generally win as it appeals to the ultimate authority: religion (in many dysfunctional Somali households, this religion is Wahabi Islam--not moderate, compassionate, reasonable Islam). Despite these broader similarities, Servile Sahra and Obedient Abdullahi personalities can range dramatically in how they present themselves. Some are very aggressive and enjoy officiously enforcing traditional views on other Somali youths, both in real-life and online (perennial example: attacking a Somali girl for not hearing a hijab). On Somali online forums such as SSpot, these more aggressive types can generally be found attacking free thinkers such as @AussieHustler and @IslamIsTheAnswer . These aggressive types are also the ones more naturally prone to qabyaalad---not the joking, online trolling qabyaalad, but the real thing—, as tribalism essentially demands blind love of tradition/group and hostility toward non-conformists and outsiders—which comes easily to them. Servile Sahra and Obedient Abdullahi also have more docile versions that can be found catering to the whims of religious Somali mom and the other authority figures in their homes. The upside to this version is they are generally good to their families and communities, however narrow-minded their views. In my view, Servile Sahra and Obedient Abdullahi make up around 40-45% of Somali diaspora youth. They contribute to wider dysfunction by being close-minded, cold/actively hostile toward free thinkers, and glued to dysfunctional and useless traditions and authorities despite their long and obvious track-record of failure.

Socially Woke Safia

Socially Woke Safia loves independent coffee shops, elite universities, feminist theory courses, and feeling morally superior to other people. Bashing white people is the raison d’etre of her life, although she ironically has strong (and often concealed) romantic interest in white men. Socially Woke Safia is fairly rare in real life, but she dominates on Somali twitter, where she enjoys taking part in vicious attacks on those who commit some "microaggression." She shares a lot of traits with well-adjusted, secular, well-educated Somali women with a respect for democracy and human rights; but the key difference is that Socially Woke Safia is only into social justice issues because they have cachet right now and because it allows her to feel superior to other people. She does not have an intrinsic respect for human rights and is actually often bossy, greedy, unforgiving, jealous, and vindictive in her personal life. Socially Woke Safia loves performative victimhood and gives a bad reputation to the very social causes she purports to support. When it comes to Somali issues, Socially Woke Safia is not very interested and plays a marginal role in Somali diaspora affairs, although she does represent Somalis in many liberal progressive circles, capitalizing on her tendency toward self-promotion to push aside other educated Somali women who could otherwise be a voice for the community. Although she claims to be a socialist, or at least appropriates socialist imagery and language, in reality Socially Woke Safia is deeply materialistic and often dreams of earning (and keeping) millions of dollars. Occasionally Socially Woke Safia will share a romanticized image of Somali women or pre-war Somalia on twitter, but otherwise she is mostly focused on coastal progressive twitter/black twitter. Her main focus in life is to figure out ways of growing her social status, follower count, and academic and professional standing by using the race-card and identity politics. Among some of her good traits is Socially Woke Safia's ability to rain down vicious verbal beatdowns on Saalax Zero Income when she is provoked, which explains this type’s obsession with Socially Woke Safia although she is not very interested in FOBs or Somali affairs. When it comes to dysfunction in diaspora Somalis, Socially Woke Safia cannot be faulted too much—as she does not appear in the newspapers or rely on welfare— although her insincere and selfish use of identity politics and social justice is ultimately harmful to all POCs, and she is overall an unpleasant and unhelpful personality.

Edo Ugaaso aka Edo Eye Witness News


If there is one thing Edo Eye Witness News loves doing, it’s talking….about other people’s business. She lives and breathes Somali gossip, and she has even created a job for herself to literally go house to house selling gossip. Actually, she does not sell gossip but clothes and dahyo which she carries around in a big black garbage bag, but sometimes it seems selling this stuff is secondary to her work of spreading scandalous gossip house to house. She is called “Eye Witness News” because she reports on the freshest gossip at each house she visits. She can spread out on someone's coach, drink shaah, and talk gossip for hours at a time. Edo Eye Witness News especially loves to talk about which young people are smoking hookah, dating, or who are part of “gangs” —and if she doesn’t know, it’s not above her to make things up. Other people’s marital problems are also her bread and butter. Edo Eye Witness News recently learned about Snapchat and considers it a paradigm shifting technology for her passion of gossip , if only she could figure out how to use it. The last technology to revolutionize her life was unlimited cell-phone talk plans. Edo Eye Witness News is most feared by Religious Somali Mom, who is terrified that her big mouth may damage the social reputation of her children (or herself), who she desperately wants to be pious—or at least seen that by way by the community. Religious Somali Mom constantly tells her kids, if “Edo Eye Witness News comes, DON’T TELL HER ANYTHING.” In addition to gossip, Edo Eye Witness News is known for qabyaalad, and can spend hours talking about this reer or that reer. Her Son, Gangster Mo, Edo Eye Witness News has shipped off to China to become a “medical doctor,” although in reality Gangster Mo is partying and fucking Mandarin Girls with the money she sends him monthly. Although she now wears a big jilbaab and makes a show of deen, Edo Eye Witness News still loves listening to Somali heeso and was in her day, a lady who knew how to have fun. Although generally harmless, Edo Eye Witness New's big mouth causes a lot of conflicts in Somali households, and many young people fear becoming the subject of her latest newscast.

Wannabe Arab Abdirahman (Abdi)


Wannabe Arab Abdi loves, just loves the Arab world. He can often be found wearing Arabian robes, especially the Saudi kind, even while doing mundane day-to-day activities. Sometimes he wears a khamis to his high school or community college, for what purpose nobody knows. Unsurprisingly, Wannabe Arab Abdi spends a lot of time listening to nasheeds, following Arab militia groups on twitter, and sometimes when he’s not feeling lazy he’ll take (and usually drop) a course in formal Arabic. If you want to trigger Wannabe Arab Abdi, tell him Somalis are black and not Arab—he’ll blow a fuse. If you want to know who’s responsible for the almost daily Arab-related threads on SSpot, it’s Wannabe Arab Abdi. The thing that hurts him the most is the rejection and racism he feels from Arabs—something which he’s lucidly aware of, but sometimes in denial over. Wannabe Arab Abdi may have been visited a few times by the Alphabet Boys over his tendency to visit extremist websites and romanticize Arab rebel groups like Hezbollah and ISIS, but this individual is not always so religious. He can just be as readily found in hookah lounges. If the protest involves Palestine, Syria, or some lighter-complexion Muslim group, Wannabe Arab Abdi will drop everything to attend, but if it involves Somalia or Somalis—don’t expect to catch him there. He’s generally embarrassed and disinterested in Somalia, although if the discussion involves Somalia’s interaction with Islam or Arabs, he’ll usually jump in aggressively to defend Arab interests and viewpoints. Because of his love for Arabs and Arab-things, he can be mistaken for a deeply religious individual and may therefore make a more preferable child for Religious Somali Mom over personalities like Socially Woke Safia. Wannabe Arab Abdirahman share a lot of similarities with Servile Sahra and Obedient Abdullahi, but he’s generally less attached to tradition and more self-centered. Wannabe Arab Abdirahman contributes to Somali diaspora dysfunction primarily by embarrassing the rest of us. He is currently employed part-time at a warehouse (or as a security guard) and lives with his mother. Despite this, he thinks he's too good to marry a Somali girl and is looking for an "ukhti." It's not beyond him to fantasize about marrying Syrian refugee girls—he's generally misogynistic and will say things like, "their meher is really cheap right now." Wannabe Arab Arab's lifelong dream is to visit and live in the Middle East. He will give his children Arab names and continue the trend of erasing Somali culture in favor of Arab culture.