Why it is a big mistake having daughters in the west

[Cognitivedissonance]

Yes, one of the conditions is as long as she doesn't remarry. Otherwise custody is rightfully hers.

Some parts or all over the country? I don't see how this works considering how the Somali household is set up. Generally Somali men respect the role of the mother and her part in bringing up the kids. I can't see a Somali man taking away kids from their hooyo, and I can't see it being acceptable in our culture/society.

Personally I would want my kids to stay with me if I divorce that's why I would prefer to get married in Somalia cause the system is fair but I love how you're avoiding the total bias that goes on in family courts in the west.

 

[Cognitivedissonance]

Your right. Islamically, the woman will have custody until the child reaches the age of 7 and then he/she will be asked who they want to live with. Their mother or their father.

I agree but in Somalia the female doesn't have a choice if the mother can't sustain & provide for the children & the father can islamically then they must stay with their father

 

[Bohol]

As a man it is better to take your children with you if you divorce unless you want another man raising your children.

 

[Simodi]

I agree but in Somalia the female doesn't have a choice if she can't sustain the children then they'll stay with their father

I believe the Islamic method is better. Either way in our culture the children would never be forced to separate from the mother. Tribal and family customs in Somalia will always favour custody to the woman. No amount of court proceedings will trump the culture. It's not that bad because even then, the child will have his uncles, male relatives very much involved in their lives unlike the West. In the West, if there is a divorce that child is on his/her own.

 

[KULTA]

I wish all the xaliimos dressed like that

 

[Cognitivedissonance]

I believe the Islamic method is better. Either way in our culture the children would never be forced to separate from the mother. Tribal and family customs in Somalia will always favour custody to the woman. No amount of court proceedings will trump the culture. It's not that bad because even then, the child will have his uncles, male relatives very much involved in their lives unlike the West. In the West, if there is a divorce that child is on his/her own.

Allah will ask me for what has become of my kids not their uncles and mothers relatives on the day of judgement as the father of those kids.

Let's agree to disagree.

 

[Cinnamon Spice]

Personally I would want my kids to stay with me if I divorce that's why I would prefer to get married in Somalia cause the system is fair but I love how you're avoiding the total bias that goes on in family courts in the west.

Most decent people would want that, but getting what you want doesn't make things 'fair'. You're complaining about one bias and running towards another.

Pray you don't end up in that predicament in the first place instead of stressing over it. Don't enter into a marriage thinking about divorce.

 

[Cognitivedissonance]

Most decent people would want that, but getting what you want doesn't make things 'fair'. You're complaining about one bias and running towards another.

Pray you don't end up in that predicament in the first place instead of stressing over it. Don't enter into a marriage thinking about divorce.

Why would I allow my self to get done over by a system that's rigged and has all the odds stacked against me as a father?I am responsible for my kids but I'm not responsible for a woman that I've divorced. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst is my motto

 

[Cinnamon Spice]

Why would I allow my self to get done over by a system that's rigged and has all the odds stacked against me as a father?I am responsible for my kids but I'm not responsible for a woman that I've divorced. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst is my motto

If you care that much (which is good) then work hard to maintain the marriage and even before then take care in who you marry.

 

[jugjugwacwac]

If you care that much (which is good) then work hard to maintain the marriage and even before then take care in who you marry.

And this is what everything boils down to. Marriage is a risk and having children is a risk. Just make sure to choose your wife wisely, work hard to maintain a good marriage, and raise your sons and daughters as best as you possibly can. The rest is up to Allah and is out of your hands.

 

[jugjugwacwac]

And another thing, I don't know any Somali guys that dislike having girls like many Arabs, Indians and other Asians. Somali culture values daughters and women in general. In fact most Somali dads I've seen are closer to their daughters than their sons, while the mothers are closer to their sons. So we love our daughters and our women.

It's just that we get worried that they will stray and do things that will make us lose sleep at night. But of course that shouldn't stop someone from having daughters obviously. Instead one should just raise them the right way and wish for the best.

And I think my point of marriage being superficial window-dressing and the less sucky option compared to dating may have been misunderstood. This was in reply to @Axmed Xaji who said sex was gonna happen either way whether she dates or marries, so it makes no difference if she gets married. I agreed with him that the unsettling reality of ones daughter becoming sexual is inevitable , but marriage is the option which makes it acceptable to the dad, due to all of its benefits and the social meaning and status attached to it. But I was in no way comparing marriage with dating in general, I was only talking about the inevitably of sex in both arrangements. Of course marriage is an amazing social institution upon which healthy societies are built and thus far and away better than dating. Any father would be happy to marry his daughter off to a worthy man who will do right by her. Just wanted to clear that up so it didn't look like I was talking down on marriage.

And as for feminism, I don't see what need Somali women have for it. They already have innumerable rights and play an active role in Somali society. What else are they looking for?

 

[Gambar]

And another thing, I don't know any Somali guys that dislike having girls like many Arabs, Indians and other Asians. Somali culture values daughters and women in general. In fact most Somali dads I've seen are closer to their daughters than their sons, while the mothers are closer to their sons. So we love our daughters and our women.

It's just that we get worried that they will stray and do things that will make us lose sleep at night. But of course that shouldn't stop someone from having daughters obviously. Instead one should just raise them the right way and wish for the best.

And I think my point of marriage being the less sucky option compared to dating may have been misunderstood. This was in reply to @Axmed Xaji who said sex was gonna happen either way whether she dates or marries, so it makes no difference if she gets married. I agreed with him that the unsettling reality of ones daughter becoming sexual is inevitable , but marriage is the option which makes it acceptable to the dad, due to all of its benefits and the social meaning and status attached to it. But I was in no way comparing marriage with dating in general, I was only talking about the inevitably of sex in both arrangements. Of course marriage is an amazing social institution upon which healthy societies are built. Any father would be happy to marry his daughter off to a worthy man who will do right by her. Just wanted to clear that up so it didn't look like I was talking down on marriage.

And as for feminism, I don't see what need Somali women have for it. They already have innumerable rights and play an active role in Somali society. What else are they looking for?

Not everybody is lucky enough to have a close relationship with their father. I have an unconventionally close relationship to my dad because of the civil war, he lost all his sisters (and brothers). I don't think Somali culture is perfect, but I'm not some kind of feminist in any shape or form. Marriage is protection at the end of the day, and having sex without protection is very stupid. I agree with what you said completely!

 

[jugjugwacwac]

Not everybody is lucky enough to have a close relationship with their father. I have an unconventionally close relationship to my dad because of the civil war, he lost all his sisters (and brothers). I don't think Somali culture is perfect, but I'm not some kind of feminist in any shape or form. Marriage is protection at the end of the day, and having sex without protection is very stupid. I agree with what you said completely!

I wish I could download ur mind onto a chip that I could then implant in the brains of feminist Somali girls.

 

[Yonis]

The one standing up

 

[Gambar]

I wish I could download ur mind onto a chip that I could then implant in the brains of feminist Somali girls.

I think it's cause I'm the oldest and I was raised by grandparents that I understand the old school mentality. I have a lot of opportunities because of being born here and I made use of them, but being a feminist is not something I can believe in to score points against Somali men who've hurt me. Perhaps it's because I've been lucky, my younger brothers were never treated better than me and were taught to respect me as the curad.

 

[jugjugwacwac]

I think it's cause I'm the oldest and I was raised by grandparents that I understand the old school mentality. I have a lot of opportunities because of being born here and I made use of them, but being a feminist is not something I can believe in to score points against Somali men who've hurt me. Perhaps it's because I've been lucky, my younger brothers were never treated better than me and were taught to respect me as the curad.

That's good stuff walllahi, makes me happy to know there are Somali families like yours out there.

 

[Cognitivedissonance]

If you care that much (which is good) then work hard to maintain the marriage and even before then take care in who you marry.

It's not about the marriage it's about the system, hence why I will choose Somalia to settle down cause if it goes pear shaped heavens forbid then atleast I will have custody over my kids. To be blunt with you the woman isn't a priority to me cause I am not responsible for her once we part ways but the children I am responsible for in the eyes of the most benevolent & the omnipotent.


A smart person learns from other people's mistakes, see I have encountered so many brothers in the west who can't even see their children some even marry and have other kids knowing the way the system is they will get arrested if they come close to the kids because of some women's jealous nature so they use the kids keeping them away from their fathers as a way of getting back at the father.

 

[Ubax45_]

And another thing, I don't know any Somali guys that dislike having girls like many Arabs, Indians and other Asians. Somali culture values daughters and women in general. In fact most Somali dads I've seen are closer to their daughters than their sons, while the mothers are closer to their sons. So we love our daughters and our women.

It's just that we get worried that they will stray and do things that will make us lose sleep at night. But of course that shouldn't stop someone from having daughters obviously. Instead one should just raise them the right way and wish for the best.

And I think my point of marriage being superficial window-dressing and the less sucky option compared to dating may have been misunderstood. This was in reply to @Axmed Xaji who said sex was gonna happen either way whether she dates or marries, so it makes no difference if she gets married. I agreed with him that the unsettling reality of ones daughter becoming sexual is inevitable , but marriage is the option which makes it acceptable to the dad, due to all of its benefits and the social meaning and status attached to it. But I was in no way comparing marriage with dating in general, I was only talking about the inevitably of sex in both arrangements. Of course marriage is an amazing social institution upon which healthy societies are built and thus far and away better than dating. Any father would be happy to marry his daughter off to a worthy man who will do right by her. Just wanted to clear that up so it didn't look like I was talking down on marriage.

And as for feminism, I don't see what need Somali women have for it. They already have innumerable rights and play an active role in Somali society. What else are they looking for?

Taking away the word feminist because it seems to be kryptonite in conversations, there's certain issues that have more of an effect on women to varying extents and would therefore impact Somali women too. For ex. domestic violence (abroad & at home) , access to education (back home)

I made a thread about domestic violence and a lot of the (male) posters were hostile and thought it doesn't happen amongst Somali's.

Personally, I haven't seen Somali people dislike to have daughters to the extent of other cultures but I do see some that are indifferent towards daughters. Boys seem to be favoured maybe because they will carry on the family name.

 

[Cognitivedissonance]

Some kids grow up in the west bitter at their fathers thinking they disowned them but have they studied the family courts in the west & their flagrant bias against fathers.

 

[jugjugwacwac]

Taking away the word feminist because it seems to be kryptonite in conversations, there's certain issues that have more of an effect on women to varying extents and would therefore impact Somali women too. For ex. domestic violence (abroad & at home) , access to education (back home)

I made a thread about domestic violence and a lot of the (male) posters were hostile and thought it doesn't happen amongst Somali's.

Personally, I haven't seen Somali people dislike to have daughters to the extent of other cultures but I do see some that are indifferent towards daughters. Boys seem to be favoured maybe because they will carry on the family name.

Boys are not favoured in any meaningful way to the extent that it lowers the quality of life of Somali girls.

As for the domestic abuse, this isn't culturally normalized for us as it is in certain societies. It happens, but it's not because of Somali patriarchy or Somali culture.