My friend is cheating on his wife, I'm contemplating on letting her know

[agnes]

A man's worth and how good he will be to you is not measured based on your paranoia about other females who are most likely nonexistent in his mind and eyes. It is only you who sees the women and then make his life miserable before he gets married to you. Think when he gets married to you then? LOL. Jealousy is insanity, it is the other side of love which is insanity itself anyway, an insanity people celebrate.

Such questions from a woman when I gave her no reason to ask is a red flag for me.

Stop being dramatic lol. This has nothing to do with jealousy. A woman has every right to know what kind of a man she's marrying! If I am talking to a potential spouse I will ask him what he thinks about polygamy, so I know ahead of time what I'm getting myself into. If you aren't into polygamy why would you be so bothered by the question? When a simple yes or no would suffice.

 

[Burhan]

Stop being dramatic lol. This has nothing to do with jealousy. A woman has every right to know what kind of a man she's marrying! If I am talking to a potential spouse I will ask him what he thinks about polygamy, so I know ahead of time what I'm getting myself into. If you aren't into polygamy why would you be so bothered by the question? When a simple yes or no would suffice.

I am not in denial of a woman's right to secure her future with her potential husband. There are things though that are bigger than us males and females that we can not question as law in our faith. In Islam, there are things legal but one is not required or mandated to practice, polygamy is one such thing. Since you will get to know the man you want to marry, putting him on the spot and asking him to declare what he thinks on the law doesn't serve you well. That is my point. There is difference between personal preferences and asking them to declare something legitimate to be in valid. Why would you need to have the man declare he will not marry another woman?


You are a female, we won't agree on this I stated my personality, one is too much to attend to, but I won't appreciate if she is worried about things I have no intension of doing and for her to ask me to declare what is valid to be invalid. I am stubborn when it comes to principles. I draw a line.

 

[Kanye]

why do niggas cheat,if you aint satisfied tell your wife and try to deduce ways to liven up your sex lives,if it all ends in failure remember lads you could always get a second wife not need to commit adultery.

"Ain't no pussy like new pussy" - Martin Luther King, Jr.

But in all seriousness there are a plethora of reasons that go beyond just sex but none of them are justifiable.

 

[Gambar]

You should never get involved in peoples marriages. You'll get the blame for it and if she doesn't even care? Cheating usually isn't the main reason for divorce, money issues are more of a deal breaker.

 

[Burhan]

You should never get involved in peoples marriages. You'll get the blame for it and if she doesn't even care? Cheating usually isn't the main reason for divorce, money issues are more of a deal breaker.

Cheating can be the cause though. It introduces instability and mistrust. I see your point in what drives Somali divorce being mainly economic.

 

[Gambar]

Cheating can be the cause though. It introduces instability and mistrust. I see your point in what drives Somali divorce being mainly economic.

Usually it is not cheating especially if the married couple has children but like you said resentment and mistrust starts to happen. I think the reason behind money is the fact that it's harder to solve and drives a bigger wedge like debt. A lot of young somali couples Ive known over the years ended up divorcing quickly because their marriage started off with debt and it got worse and worse. If two 22 year olds make minimum wage get married after graduating college. Their wedding costs a lot of money and they haven't paid their student loans off and they haven't found good paying jobs; because they don't have kids they are not likely to stay with each other. Even though divorce is considered ceeb many do divorce. I also think when other people start telling you about your marriage and you go around telling habbos your problems they become worse. If the couple works through it they can make it even if you are 23 making minimum wage your spouse is your support system as the deen states.

 

[Burhan]

Usually it is not cheating especially if the married couple has children but like you said resentment and mistrust starts to happen. I think the reason behind money is the fact that it's harder to solve and drives a bigger wedge like debt. A lot of young somali couples Ive known over the years ended up divorcing quickly because their marriage started off with debt and it got worse and worse. If two 22 year olds make minimum wage get married after graduating college. Their wedding costs a lot of money and they haven't paid their student loans off and they haven't found good paying jobs; because they don't have kids they are not likely to stay with each other. Even though divorce is considered ceeb many do divorce. I also think when other people start telling you about your marriage and you go around telling habbos your problems they become worse. If the couple works through it they can make it even if you are 23 making minimum wage your spouse is your support system as the deen states.

I see what you are saying Gambar. Economic hardships can destroy unions. As for sharing personal information about marriage troubles with others, it leads to more problems. Success to solving personal issues starts with controlling it yourself and dictate the course of your actions without anyone getting involved. I would advise my wife to be upfront with me first and square with me if she has issues with me before she tells her parents. I would never talk bout her to my parents no matter how bad the situation is. You chose each other out of many, you can solve your problems without outside help if both of you are honest with each other and there is some love. No one needs to know including parents/relatives from both sides much less than friends.


I can respect relatives and close friends, but they have no business knowing about my marital issues. Being private and owning your life is truly important.

 

[Gambar]

I see what you are saying Gambar. Economic hardships can destroy unions. As for sharing personal information about marriage troubles with others, it leads to more problems. Success to solving personal issues starts with controlling it yourself and dictate the course of your actions without anyone getting involved. I would advise my wife to be upfront with me first and square with me if she has issues with me before she tells her parents. I would never talk bout her to my parents no matter how bad the situation is. You chose each other out of many, you can solve your problems without outside help if both of you are honest with each other and there is some love. No one needs to know including parents/relatives from both sides much less than friends.


I can respect relatives and close friends, but they have no business knowing about my marital issues. Being private and owning your life is truly important.

That is one thing I learned from my parents is never let anyone get in between your marriage and forgive each other after arguments.

 

[Kanye]

Usually it is not cheating especially if the married couple has children but like you said resentment and mistrust starts to happen. I think the reason behind money is the fact that it's harder to solve and drives a bigger wedge like debt. A lot of young somali couples Ive known over the years ended up divorcing quickly because their marriage started off with debt and it got worse and worse. If two 22 year olds make minimum wage get married after graduating college. Their wedding costs a lot of money and they haven't paid their student loans off and they haven't found good paying jobs; because they don't have kids they are not likely to stay with each other. Even though divorce is considered ceeb many do divorce. I also think when other people start telling you about your marriage and you go around telling habbos your problems they become worse. If the couple works through it they can make it even if you are 23 making minimum wage your spouse is your support system as the deen states.

I don't know if I'm being naive but I always thought cheating is an instant divorce in Somali/Muslim marriages? I mean if they find out that is.

 

[Gambar]

I don't know if I'm being naive but I always thought cheating is an instant divorce in Somali/Muslim marriages? I mean if they find out that is.

Its not always the case. Some say they'd get instantly divorced if their spouse cheated but when kids are in the picture, the spouse contributes greatly to the household, the family breaks down so some just forgive and move on.

 

[Kanye]

Its not always the case. Some say they'd get instantly divorced if their spouse cheated but when kids are in the picture, the spouse contributes greatly to the household, the family breaks down so some just forgive and move on.

That's surprising. I mean I have a friend-ish that frequently cheats on his wife but they're in the least serious marriage ever. I also see them as the exception that proves the rule. I guess it kinda makes sense if there are kids and one is financially dependent on the other.

 

[Gambar]

That's surprising. I mean I have a friend-ish that frequently cheats on his wife but they're in the least serious marriage ever. I also see them as the exception that proves the rule. I guess it kinda makes sense if there are kids and one is financially dependent on the other.

What do you mean by least serious marriage?

 

[Kanye]

What do you mean by least serious marriage?

It's an oxymoron I know. They're an ultra 'modern' Muslim couple. She knows he flirts and hangs around with random girls and she's totally okay with it but I don't think she knows he sleeps with some of these girls. She apparently told him he has to cut it out when they have their first child which they did last year and he hasn't afaik. The weirdest part is that his closest friend is her first cousin and he knows everything he's up to but he doesn't give a f*ck.

I've known this guy since school, he's older but I'm good friends with his younger cousin so we spent a lot of time together. I'm guessing he married her because he liked her and she presumably wouldn't sleep with him out of wedlock. So he just thought f*ck it, and went through with it. Last part is speculation but he is a bit of a nacas so I'm 90% sure that's how it went down. The whole dynamic is weird, she's also a little bit older than him and has a much, much better career.

 

[SenseSays]

You should tell her and let her decide what she wants to do from there on out, at least she'll know the truth. I'm not one to get involved but when I see stuff happen like that to people I know, I would feel too guilty to hold that to myself.

 

[Gambar]

It's an oxymoron I know. They're an ultra 'modern' Muslim couple. She knows he flirts and hangs around with random girls and she's totally okay with it but I don't think she knows he sleeps with some of these girls. She apparently told him he has to cut it out when they have their first child which they did last year and he hasn't afaik. The weirdest part is that his closest friend is her first cousin and he knows everything he's up to but he doesn't give a f*ck.

I've known this guy since school, he's older but I'm good friends with his younger cousin so we spent a lot of time together. I'm guessing he married her because he liked her and she presumably wouldn't sleep with him out of wedlock. So he just thought f*ck it, and went through with it. Last part is speculation but he is a bit of a nacas so I'm 90% sure that's how it went down. The whole dynamic is weird, she's also a little bit older than him and has a much, much better career.

Waxasi waxaa la yidhaa "dysfunction."

 

[Burhan]

Kanye, males should have no female friends. The two can not be emotionally attached without that leading to problems. And what kind of man needs female friendship? Not that I despise the thought, but being honest, I can be good to a woman and helpful but not require her to give me a piece of her time through the process. Help and move on is my philosophy. I only let one woman get close to me, and that is the one I want. The rest have no business getting close to me.

I hang around only the one I want for myself. The rest are respected members of society or related to me through the Somali connection which affords them my solicited and unsolicited help when necessary.

 

[AbuScrap]

You should tell her and let her decide what she wants to do from there on out, at least she'll know the truth. I'm not one to get involved but when I see stuff happen like that to people I know, I would feel too guilty to hold that to myself.

This is what you should do

Snitch ass nigga

 

[Mercury]

This is what you should do

Snitch ass nigga

So if you were going Down for a crime you didnt commit you wouldnt snitch?

 

[SenseSays]

This is what you should do

Snitch ass nigga

@AbuSrappyDinkydidoo Honesty trumps all doofaaryaho

 

[AbuScrap]

So if you were going Down for a crime you didnt commit you wouldnt snitch?

Of course anything for the homes igga where's your code of law at nigga