I don’t care about dating, marriage or having children

[Dibleyy]

So I am attracted to men don’t get me wrong, but other than a crush I can admire from far away or something nice to look at, I don’t care for having a relationship.

I’ve never held hands, flirted/chatted on the phone or talked to a man in a romantic way in my entire life. Even when I had the opportunity I get scared and immediately go on the defensive (not in a rude or aggressive way tho).. I don’t have much of a s*x drive either so I don’t lust after men either. Which is usually what drives young ppl to marry.

Maybe it’s because of my past experiences with male relatives, hearing what my brothers friends used to talk about (yes I eavesdropped) and seeing my female relatives go through bad relationships, struggle with single parenthood and just generally be miserable. I think it plays a small role.

I’m in my late 20s and I’m honestly a little concerned… when a man shows interest in me I feel disgusted because this man obviously has no discernment or wisdom to pick that bad of a partner lol, fear of being attractive because I feel like it’ll put in me in an unsafe situation or he want to use me for something (the guys here in Somalia want a sugar mama with citizenship lol). I’m not ugly by any means but I don’t make an effort to look better because I fear the attention and attraction of men while other women crave it.

Idk why I’m like this and I’m really scared to go into my 30s with this mentality…

Any advice?

 

[Wonyluvr]

It’s normal don’t worry

 

[GeeljireGenius]

Get married!

 

[attash]

It's fine, it's not like getting married is obligatory. If you don't want to then just don't.

You still have decades left in your life inshallah, so you can always change your mind later. Marriage and children will probably not be as easy as when you were younger, but still very possible.

 

[Yaraye]

I feel similar to you. If i wasn't worried about my retirement, i'd never marry or have children.

 

[EyiPunter]

So I am attracted to men don’t get me wrong, but other than a crush I can admire from far away or something nice to look at, I don’t care for having a relationship.

I’ve never held hands, flirted/chatted on the phone or talked to a man in a romantic way in my entire life. Even when I had the opportunity I get scared and immediately go on the defensive (not in a rude or aggressive way tho).. I don’t have much of a s*x drive either so I don’t lust after men either. Which is usually what drives young ppl to marry.

Maybe it’s because of my past experiences with male relatives, hearing what my brothers friends used to talk about (yes I eavesdropped) and seeing my female relatives go through bad relationships, struggle with single parenthood and just generally be miserable. I think it plays a small role.

I’m in my late 20s and I’m honestly a little concerned… when a man shows interest in me I feel disgusted because this man obviously has no discernment or wisdom to pick that bad of a partner lol, fear of being attractive because I feel like it’ll put in me in an unsafe situation or he want to use me for something (the guys here in Somalia want a sugar mama with citizenship lol). I’m not ugly by any means but I don’t make an effort to look better because I fear the attention and attraction of men while other women crave it.

Idk why I’m like this and I’m really scared to go into my 30s with this mentality…

Any advice?

I think your going through a feeling batch. I recommend you to get married you'll get over it once you have a child or a few. And you'll thank yourself that you attempted something rather than not. Life is about actions abyo don't get lost looking for direction . May Allah grant you a happy and healthy family. So don't get bogged down

 

[Duke]

interact whith more men

 

[Mudug_gyal]

Same.

 

[pinkyandthebrain]

I'm also in my late 20s and never had a relation with a somali male. They kind of scare me due to how they behave on social media. I know I should detach online from real life. But is hard since Somali men are slowly being radicalised into hating Somali women. And I'm scared I could find the wrong one that will harm me.

 

[empressjamila]

I don’t care too much for marriage (I never was the type of girl to dream about her wedding growing up). But I want kids. If women were able to have children their entire life like men can, I would wait until 39 or 40 to get married lmao. The single life is very peaceful. Even talking stages/short relationships are soo stressful walahi

 

[empressjamila]

I'm also in my late 20s and never had a relation with a somali male. They kind of scare me due to how they behave on social media. I know I should detach online from real life. But is hard since Somali men are slowly being radicalised into hating Somali women. And I'm scared I could find the wrong one that will harm me.

I once came across a redpill guy irl. And he was pretty normal otherwise, good looking, charming personality. But he followed redpill pages on IG and some of his views on certain things aligned 100% with redpill ideology. He also clearly held some type of cuqdad against women although he tried to hide it.

Unfortunately it’s not just online. Ladies please make sure you fully vet these men before you marry and that includes taking a look at what they follow on socials

 

[Jiron]

you can absolutely live a wonderful life with either decisions

 

[pinkyandthebrain]

I once came across a redpill guy irl. And he was pretty normal otherwise, good looking, charming personality. But he followed redpill pages on IG and some of his views on certain things aligned 100% with redpill ideology. He also clearly held some type of cuqdad against women although he tried to hide it.

Unfortunately it’s not just online. Ladies please make sure you fully vet these men before you marry and that includes taking a look at what they follow on socials

So scary. And I'm actually someone who's vulnerable who can be taken advantage of.

 

[EyiPunter]

Y'all got to understand that not all guys are out there trying to take advantage of any abyo's. Im for a large town with a small Somali community. It's hard trying to find a Somali girl because the ones you grown around will act like your related to them. So this can be said on either said of the spectrum to find someine to form happy and healthy family.

 

[CABDULWALI XASAN.]

What advice is there to give ? Feels more like a set-up for a controversial discussion. As you said, do what you wanna do, but I'd certainly not want to be you right now

I once came across a redpill guy irl. And he was pretty normal otherwise, good looking, charming personality. But he followed redpill pages on IG and some of his views on certain things aligned 100% with redpill ideology. He also clearly held some type of cuqdad against women although he tried to hide it.

Unfortunately it’s not just online. Ladies please make sure you fully vet these men before you marry and that includes taking a look at what they follow on socials

Absolute Madness isn't it,

Y'all got to understand that not all guys are out there trying to take advantage of any abyo's. Im for a large town with a small Somali community. It's hard trying to find a Somali girl because the ones you grown around will act like your related to them. So this can be said on either said of the spectrum to find someine to form happy and healthy family.

Maybe you got friend zoned, its your job to initiate

 

[EyiPunter]

What advice is there to give ? Feels more like a set-up for a controversial discussion. As you said, do what you wanna do, but I'd certainly not want to be you right now


Absolute Madness isn't it,

Maybe you got friend zoned, its your job to initiate

Sxb trust me I not the friend type, it's just a super small community. Even if I was friend zoned I don't force myself to be liked if you don't like me like that. Id rather just be associates. And I'm looking for a wife in the Somali community. If I want anything else I can look outside of it and find it extremely fast. Yes your supposed to initiate but you cannot force people that just wrong Sxb.

 

[Backardee123]

I dont feel any urgency to devote my life to anyone else either. Knowing how to love and respect people, communicate, support etc is a life skill and should be perfected before marriage. I want to make sure i am mature and stable in my individuality before i open myself to such a transformative process. Theres a reason why sex and marriage are upheld so high in spiritual practice.

If i wanted to date casually to test the waters, in the western world few are willing to abstain from sex so finding a guy that won't pressure me to give up virginity is a hassle.

 

[Unbothered]

It is ok . Stay single until you meet the right person that changes your mind.

 

[Adnan05]

Not hating bro. It’s not obligatory to get married. But don’t you want kids ?

 

[Kisame]

Sxb trust me I not the friend type, it's just a super small community. Even if I was friend zoned I don't force myself to be liked if you don't like me like that. Id rather just be associates. And I'm looking for a wife in the Somali community. If I want anything else I can look outside of it and find it extremely fast. Yes your supposed to initiate but you cannot force people that just wrong Sxb.

Your gonna have to move away bro.

If you want to stay in the south move to Texas or Georgia if you want to find a somali partner.