Would you marry someone just because they were "good" for you?
- Thread starter Nak-Muay-Femeu
- Start date
Hey @Nak-Muay-Femeu
I’m not going to judge you for your past as you seem to be on the road to self-improvement and you hold yourself accountable, she too also knows about your past as well. Hence, if she can get over that and you’re trying to change, then I don’t think it’s worth mentioning.
My concern is that from what I’m getting from your writing is that you don’t have a lot of interest in her. You seem to like the idea of her but the desire and want doesn’t seem to be there. Most of your praise of her is about her being your potential personal rehabilitation center and about how ‘sweet’ she is. What about your attraction towards her, or how great you find her personality and all the things you have in common? What about her as a woman? Your attitude towards her seems very meh tbh, and if I was her I’d run a mile for that reason. I’m not saying I believe in love before marriage, but a man with a strong desire and liking is important.
I’m generalizing a bit but I’ve noticed that this holds true for most men, when a guy is really interested/into a woman, they don’t hold back and they’ll dive in and take the opportunity presented to them, yet according to you, you’ve squandered both opportunities, before and even now. For goodness sake walal, you’re on a forum writing about if you should pursue her. Surely the fact that you should ask is very telling?
I get it, she’s amazing on paper but clearly there isn’t that spark, chemistry or whatever you call it that makes you want to really get the ball rolling.
I don’t know, ultimately you need to be honest with yourself. Yh, she’ll probably make a great wife by societies standards and your family would Want her as your wife, but do you actually want her want her? That’s important.
I’m not going to judge you for your past as you seem to be on the road to self-improvement and you hold yourself accountable, she too also knows about your past as well. Hence, if she can get over that and you’re trying to change, then I don’t think it’s worth mentioning.
My concern is that from what I’m getting from your writing is that you don’t have a lot of interest in her. You seem to like the idea of her but the desire and want doesn’t seem to be there. Most of your praise of her is about her being your potential personal rehabilitation center and about how ‘sweet’ she is. What about your attraction towards her, or how great you find her personality and all the things you have in common? What about her as a woman? Your attitude towards her seems very meh tbh, and if I was her I’d run a mile for that reason. I’m not saying I believe in love before marriage, but a man with a strong desire and liking is important.
I’m generalizing a bit but I’ve noticed that this holds true for most men, when a guy is really interested/into a woman, they don’t hold back and they’ll dive in and take the opportunity presented to them, yet according to you, you’ve squandered both opportunities, before and even now. For goodness sake walal, you’re on a forum writing about if you should pursue her. Surely the fact that you should ask is very telling?
I get it, she’s amazing on paper but clearly there isn’t that spark, chemistry or whatever you call it that makes you want to really get the ball rolling.
I don’t know, ultimately you need to be honest with yourself. Yh, she’ll probably make a great wife by societies standards and your family would Want her as your wife, but do you actually want her want her? That’s important.
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Broski you larped as afar for months on this site, the noble people of this forum will not believe this slander coming from you. Only time I interact with Lebanese ppl is when I’m buying shawarmaWeren't you posted with a Lebanese shorty last week outside nigga what you on about
JackieBurkhart
The years don't matter, the life in those years do
Broski you larped as afar for months on this site, the noble people of this forum will not believe this slander coming from you. Only time I interact with Lebanese ppl is when I’m buying shawarma
Abdisamad
VIP
You really did an in depth analysis to the smallest details.. You know even if the love and desire between two people is really strong it fades away over time, when I say love I mean the kind of love you feel when you first meet each other .. This doesn't stay the same way, but I guess when you marry eachother and have a life together some other parameters keep people together.. In my opinion desire and attraction are important factors but what's equally important as well is respect and consideration for each other.. Also if one person is more in love with the other, the relationship tend to be imbalanced and these kinda relationships can easily break.
I agree with you but chemistry and attraction is very important in the beginning stages of a relationship. It’s what brings people closer together because without that, you’re like what good friends? Good roommates? Also, I’m not a man but from studying your gender, it’s very easy it seems for men to mentally check-out of a relationship if they don’t have those feelings for their spouse, especially in the beginning. Kindness and consideration isn’t something that can easily form for someone you don’t even feel strongly about. Obviously as time goes by, those feelings do fade but at that point your relationship is stronger in other areas so that shouldn’t be an issue. But my point is that couples don’t have a strong incentive to work on those aspects that are equally important if they don’t even have desires for each other from the beginning.
empressjamila
yktv
With all honesty I don’t think you’re good for her.
Miskeen religious girl with a drug user/party guy who isn’t stable? There’s a lack of compatibility here. You’re gonna eventually find her too boring and she’s gonna find you too unstable to have a family with. Both of you being Somali and Muslim isn’t enough for compatibility.
Miskeen religious girl with a drug user/party guy who isn’t stable? There’s a lack of compatibility here. You’re gonna eventually find her too boring and she’s gonna find you too unstable to have a family with. Both of you being Somali and Muslim isn’t enough for compatibility.
dekiteshim
Resident Eritrean | Ye's strongest soldier
He is financially stable from what I know. You've pulled that part out your arse
empressjamila
yktv
Unless I read it wrong he literally said “my situation isn’t exactly stable”
empressjamila
yktv
Agreed.Too many faraxs on this site think they can do whatever they want and bashal with ajnabis in their early 20s and then later settle with a pious halimo when they are ready to settle down.
Personally this makes me sick
He should be with a fellow former party girl. They’re more likely to understand each other anyhow. But unfortunately unlike gaalo, Muslim guys tend to think they can do whatever saqajaan activities they want and still marry a pious chaste girl who’s never been to a party or had a boyfriend.
Yaraye
VIP
that's exactly what I meant
To be honest, it really pisses me off when I see a pious chaste girl settling down with a man who has a history of saqajaan activities. 
I'm as Afar as your loyalty to Somali girls niggaBroski you larped as afar for months on this site, the noble people of this forum will not believe this slander coming from you. Only time I interact with Lebanese ppl is when I’m buying shawarma
nonexistent!
JackieBurkhart
The years don't matter, the life in those years do
Are you gonna take that, @Richard Pearson?I'm as Afar as your loyalty to Somali girls nigga
empressjamila
yktv
Allah swt even said in the Quran “good men for good women” and vice versa. That’s why marriages between former saqajaans and miskeenad usually don’t work out. They’re too different.that's exactly what I meant
She's going to be pushing her mid 30s by that point, so asking her to put her life on pause (children wise) has to be something she's 100% certain about. And even if she does agree to wait, baby fever might get the better of her and she might "accidently" forget to take her pill.
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It's a 2-way street tbh, plenty of hardcore she-saqajaans I used to party with are now married to pious guysthat's exactly what I meant
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I'm not against the fellow former party girl option, but I'd be a mouth-breathing, room temp IQ retard to not consider a better alternative she's willing
Yaraye
VIP
I've never seen such a thing. Even if there is, this combo is a small minority. Men are prideful creature. They aren't willing to settle with a girl that got historyIt's a 2-way street tbh, plenty of hardcore she-saqajaans I used to party with are now married to pious guys
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