Would you marry someone just because they were "good" for you?

[Nak-Muay-Femeu]

The idea was floated that a family friend's daughter and I should get married a few years back. The girl was a hijabi who takes her deen seriously and is also a really reeeeally sweet person. We practically grew up together, so her family already knew I was bit of a cùnt at the time. I thought it was my relatives bantering me like usual and I half jokingly said "yeah, course I would!" wink wink, nudge nudge.

My half jokey agreement was was taken as a "yes" and the wheels were in motion. Her family was invited to our house a few weeks later, but I spent the night before the little "intro party" at a tech-house event and dropped Es like they were skittles. I spent the next day sleeping and going to the sauna with my friends, so I missed it.

But she still left her number so I could contact her. But I, being the fucking useless saqajaan dickhead I was, didn't give it much thought as I was "seeing" someone at the time anyway. I later realised that the girl I callously brushed off could've legit made me happy, a better man and brought me closer to my Allah. But I came to that conclusion far too late.

Now the opportunity to fix things with her has presented itself, but I'm so consumed by my career that I can't see myself giving this decision the proper consideration it deserves. My situation isn't exactly stable, so it would be really unfair to drag someone else into my mess.

Getting my elder's blessing when it comes to marriage is extremely important me and I personally believe that your parents know you better than you know yourself sometimes. Feel like messing this up a 2nd time could haunt me for a loooong time. Married people of SSpot, what're your thoughts, am I being a little naive and just getting FOMO?

 

[Sophisticate]

Nak, how old are you again?

I can't see myself giving this decision the proper consideration it deserves. My situation isn't exactly stable, so it would be really unfair to drag someone else into my mess.

I also think you answered your question. Though I understand that you may fear missing out. You could always ask her what her timelines look like for marriage and such. Clarification/specificity is best and gathering information wouldn't hurt.​

 

[El Nino]

Obligatory not married here kkkkk

Go for it, what do you have to lose? If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out, simple as that. Imo, there is more benefits then setbacks in your situation. As you said, the girls is wonderful. Just do it.

 

[AbrahamFreedom]

Take the plunge. Who is to stay your life won't be stable 10 years from now if you were to became fully stable tomorrow? My friend last night told me one of our high school classmates who was a star basketball player now uses a wheelchair. Life eventually humbles everyone in some way. Careers are just a means to maintain a certain lifestyle and pay the bills. Just make sure she's not a batshit crazy woman (I think 33% of people are), someone who is understanding, and has similiar goals and values, and if she's the type to wipe your ass with a smile on her face if there comes a day you can't do it yourself instead of her leaving you (and if you're that person who will do that for her too). You will struggle in various periods in life. It hasn't happened to me yet and it's been smooth sailing for me but I'm sure it will come sometime because life's not perfect. Struggle with her and build a life together. The fact she seems interested in you shows she doesn't care that you're not stable yet. That's the type of person you want.

 

[Nak-Muay-Femeu]

Nak, how old are you again?

I also think you answered your question. Though I understand that you may fear missing out. You could always ask her what her timelines look like for marriage and such. Clarification/specificity is best and gathering information wouldn't hurt.​

Under 30, I'm not finna drop personal info that could ruin me IRL

I get where you coming from but it's one of those situations where that if I brooch the subject, it can be misconstrued as intent. It'd be a really cùnty move to start the conversation, only to later back out.

Obligatory not married here kkkkk

Go for it, what do you have to lose? If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out, simple as that. Imo, there is more benefits then setbacks in your situation. As you said, the girls is wonderful. Just do it.

What do I have to lose? My money for one thing lol. A couple of my older bros are married and they're fucking HEMORRHAGING lacag. These guys are on £50-65k+ so it's not like they're struggling, but the pressure's absolutely fucking suffocating them wallahi.

Take the plunge. Who is to stay your life won't be stable 10 years from now if you were to became fully stable tomorrow? My friend last night told me one of our high school classmates who was a star basketball player now uses a wheelchair. Life eventually humbles everyone in some way. Careers are just a means to maintain a certain lifestyle and pay the bills. Just make sure she's not a batshit crazy woman (I think 33% are), someone who is understanding, and has similiar goals and values, and if she's the type to wipe your ass with a smile on her face if there comes a day you can't do it yourself instead of her leaving you (and if you're that person who will do that for her too). You will struggle in various periods in life. It hasn't happened to me yet and it's been smooth sailing for me but I'm sure it will because life's not perfect. Struggle with her and build a life together. The fact she seems interested in you shows she doesn't care that you're not stable yet. That's the type of person you want.

I'm seriously considering it, but I think the "when do you want to have children by?" talk is going to be the tipping point. I want to establish myself and focus on my career for the next 5-ish years whilst I save up. I wna take a good chunk out of the mortgage down payment inshallah. She's a little older than I am, so it would be unfair to ask her to wait and potentially waste her prime child-bearing years sxb. I want to enjoy the fruits of mine and my parents/ayeeyo's labour and make their lives a little easier, take them to Hajj with the halal money I've earned etc. There's more to consider than just my wants and needs.

I can't expect her to neatly fit into my little 5-10years plan. She's her own person with her own wants and aspirations, so they'll have to be some level of compromise (probably mostly on my end).

 

[Kalsoon]

So since there’s other non-married people on here, I’m gonna add my opinion.

The person you marry should be good for you and you should be good for them. If you know yourself well enough to know you can’t or won’t be able to give them all of you, then let them go. It’s the decent thing to do. Marry someone solely because you want them not because your family would like that.

 

[Yaraye]

The idea was floated that a family friend's daughter and I should get married a few years back. The girl was a hijabi who takes her deen seriously and is also a really reeeeally sweet person. We practically grew up together, so her family already knew I was bit of a cùnt at the time. I thought it was my relatives bantering me like usual and I half jokingly said "yeah, course I would!" wink wink, nudge nudge.

My half jokey agreement was was taken as a "yes" and the wheels were in motion. Her family was invited to our house a few weeks later, but I spent the night before the little "intro party" at a tech-house event and dropped Es like they were skittles. I spent the next day sleeping and going to the sauna with my friends, so I missed it.

But she still left her number so I could contact her. But I, being the fucking useless saqajaan dickhead I was, didn't give it much thought as I was "seeing" someone at the time anyway. I later realised that the girl I callously brushed off could've legit made me happy, a better man and brought me closer to my Allah. But I came to that conclusion far too late.

Now the opportunity to fix things with her has presented itself, but I'm so consumed by my career that I can't see myself giving this decision the proper consideration it deserves. My situation isn't exactly stable, so it would be really unfair to drag someone else into my mess.

Getting my elder's blessing when it comes to marriage is extremely important me and I personally believe that your parents know you better than you know yourself sometimes. Feel like messing this up a 2nd time could haunt me for a loooong time. Married people of SSpot, what're your thoughts, am I being a little naive and just getting FOMO?

leave her alone. She doesn't deserve your dickhead and pill popping She can find a better man who will take her seriously from the bat

 

[Yaraye]

Under 30, I'm not finna drop personal info that could ruin me IRL

I get where you coming from but it's one of those situations where that if I brooch the subject, it can be misconstrued as intent. It'd be a really cùnty move to start the conversation, only to later back out.


What do I have to lose? My money for one thing lol. A couple of my older bros are married and they're fucking HEMORRHAGING lacag. These guys are on £50-65k+ so it's not like they're struggling, but the pressure's absolutely fucking suffocating them wallahi.


I'm seriously considering it, but I think the "when do you want to have children by?" talk is going to be the tipping point. I want to establish myself and focus on my career for the next 5-ish years whilst I save up. I wna take a good chunk out of the mortgage down payment inshallah. She's a little older than I am, so it would be unfair to ask her to wait and potentially waste her prime child-bearing years sxb. I want to enjoy the fruits of mine and my parents/ayeeyo's labour and make their lives a little easier, take them to Hajj with the halal money I've earned etc. There's more to consider than just my wants and needs.

I can't expect her to neatly fit into my little 5-10years plan. She's her own person with her own wants and aspirations, so they'll have to be some level of compromise (probably mostly on my end).

50-65k is a struggle it take 200K in america to raise a child, a recent article has been released

 

[JackieBurkhart]

@Yaraye, don't be mean. @Nak-Muay-Femeu is turning himself around, it seems she already knew what kind of past he had and if she was comfortable with it, that's that. @Nak-Muay-Femeu, see if you can get in contact again. If she knows, put everything out (full disclosure). I got faith in you, you'll be alright.

Edit: @Yaraye, you might be more right than me. I hope he turns things around. Praying for you, @Nak-Muay-Femeu.

 

[Yaraye]

So since there’s other non-married people on here, I’m gonna add my opinion.

The person you marry should be good for you and you should be good for them. If you know yourself well enough to know you can’t or won’t be able to give them all of you, then let them go. It’s the decent thing to do. Marry someone solely because you want them not because your family would like that.

perfect! I couldn't word it better all the one one here who said he should take the plunge are being selfish. They the ones who instead of being grown and acknowledging that they aren't ready, would rather ruin a woman's 1st marriage. @Nak-Muay-Femeu already stated several issues himself: Pill popping, not taking her seriously, not stable......etc what's the point of marriage if you're not ready?

 

[Yaraye]

@Yaraye, don't be mean. @Nak-Muay-Femeu is turning himself around, it seems she already knew what kind of past he had and if she was comfortable with it, that's that. @Nak-Muay-Femeu, see if you can get in contact again. If she knows, put everything out (full disclosure). I got faith in you, you'll be alright.

alright, I won't be mean. But my point still stands on not "dragging her in to my mess". That was his words, not mine

 

[JackieBurkhart]

alright, I won't be mean. But my point still stands on not "dragging her in to my mess". That was his words, not mine

Yeah, I just thinks he needs empathy right now. Someone who's not stable falls deeper when everyone turns them away. Even if it's digital, we can still be kind and encourage him. You know?

 

[KinsiHilaac]

Just cuz someone is good doesn’t mean they’re good for you

 

[Dualke]

leave her alone. She doesn't deserve your dickhead and pill popping She can find a better man who will take her seriously from the bat

Being physically fit, charismatic and high-income means men can do whatever the f*ck they want during their youth and still land a good-natured wife. This is the final blackpill.
@Nak-Muay-Femeu entire existence is very awe-inspiring

 

[JackieBurkhart]

Being physically fit, charismatic and high-income means men can do whatever the f*ck they want during their youth and still land a good-natured wife. This is the final blackpill.
@Nak-Muay-Femeu entire existence is very awe-inspiring

 

[Yaraye]

Yeah, I just thinks he needs empathy right now. Someone who's not stable falls deeper when everyone turns them away. Even if it's digital, we can still be kind and encourage him. You know?

I understand. @Nak-Muay-Femeu I'm sure allah will bless you with the one inshallah

 

[Yaraye]

Being physically fit, charismatic and high-income means men can do whatever the f*ck they want during their youth and still land a good-natured wife. This is the final blackpill.
@Nak-Muay-Femeu entire existence is very awe-inspiring

Honestly, everytime you open your mouth, its always:

Shit everywhere!

 

[Abdisamad]

Go for it sxb.. If she's a good woman she'll support you through thick and thin, and make a stable home together with you.

 

[Abdisamad]

alright, I won't be mean. But my point still stands on not "dragging her in to my mess". That was his words, not mine

You lil dhocillo need to chill.. No one is perfect.

 

[Nak-Muay-Femeu]

leave her alone. She doesn't deserve your dickhead and pill popping She can find a better man who will take her seriously from the bat

Don't be bitter walal, I'm sure you'll find a nice handsome pill popper of your own
There were other proposals from nice boys who took her "seriously from the bat" from what I've heard lol. You can comfortably support a family of 4-5 here on £70k depending on where you live. The UK, unlike Americunt land, isn't a shitehole that can bankrupt women for giving birth lol

@Yaraye, don't be mean. @Nak-Muay-Femeu is turning himself around, it seems she already knew what kind of past he had and if she was comfortable with it, that's that. @Nak-Muay-Femeu, see if you can get in contact again. If she knows, put everything out (full disclosure). I got faith in you, you'll be alright.

Edit: @Yaraye, you might be more right than me. I hope he turns things around. Praying for you, @Nak-Muay-Femeu.

It's worth a shot tbh, and I didn't mean not stable as in mentally lol. Just that I need to tie up a few loose ends. But thank you walal, and I've said it multiple times, I'm gna be an open book with whomever I marry. Lies have a nasty habit of rearing their head and she deserves to know.

Being physically fit, charismatic and high-income means men can do whatever the f*ck they want during their youth and still land a good-natured wife. This is the final blackpill.
@Nak-Muay-Femeu entire existence is very awe-inspiring

Woah, pump the brakes there champ
Trust me, the whole "wild youth" thing is a waste of your time and erodes your soul/blackens your heart sxb. I have a lot to answer for in akhira. Not to mention the damage it does your career prospects.