Women Of Spot Promise Me This

[WaterBottle]

Promise me that you will love your future children equally and unconditionally and learn about childhood trauma before having a family because you could unknowingly pass your trauma on without knowing. A mother's support and and love must be openly shown and declared or else the child will go through it's formative years thinking it's not loved. Trust me, this is the most damaging thing that can be done psychologically to a child and could lead to so much generational problems.
My own mother never smiled to my face and would put me down in any way possible, my father tried more than sh did but still, it was clear he had serious PTSD from the war and was very detached. This alone has the potential to destroy our
society.

 

[CALMONE20###]

Promise me that you will love your future children equally and unconditionally and learn about childhood trauma before having a family because you could unknowingly pass your trauma on without knowing. A mother's support and and love must be openly shown and declared or else the child will go through it's formative years thinking it's not loved. Trust me, this is the most damaging thing that can be done psychologically to a child and could lead to so much generational problems.
My own mother never smiled to my face and would put me down in any way possible, my father tried more than sh did but still, it was clear he had serious PTSD from the war and was very detached. This alone has the potential to destroy society.

Yes! Facts.

 

[WaterBottle]

Promise me that you will love your future children equally and unconditionally and learn about childhood trauma before having a family because you could unknowingly pass your trauma on without knowing. A mother's support and and love must be openly shown and declared or else the child will go through it's formative years thinking it's not loved. Trust me, this is the most damaging thing that can be done psychologically to a child and could lead to so much generational problems.
My own mother never smiled to my face and would put me down in any way possible, my father tried more than sh did but still, it was clear he had serious PTSD from the war and was very detached. This alone has the potential to destroy society.

I find in the Somali community our parents try not to show good emotions like happiness and love, leading their kids to be very touchy and get anxious when discussing how they feel. I was physically and mentally abused and didn't know it untill I went to uni, so passing this shit on is easy

 

[Hodan from HR]

Without invalidating your experience @WaterBottle , Is it possible that your parents express their love in a way that you do not recognize?

I mention this because I recently listened to a podcast that talked about how we often criticize our parents for not loving us the way we want to be loved, while they loved us in the only way they knew how.

If they didn't abandoned you, if you've never spent a day in foster care, if they've always provided you with nutritious meals, clean clothes, and ensured your education, it is proof that they love you.

This is not to say that it negates the verbal and physical abuse you've endured (which unfortunately is a common cultural practice, especially in our homeland, and needs to be eradicated), but it helps to know they don't know any better and in their own twisted way, have loved you the only way they believe truly matters..

 

[Kalsoon]

Promise me that you will love your future children equally and unconditionally and learn about childhood trauma before having a family because you could unknowingly pass your trauma on without knowing. A mother's support and and love must be openly shown and declared or else the child will go through it's formative years thinking it's not loved. Trust me, this is the most damaging thing that can be done psychologically to a child and could lead to so much generational problems.
My own mother never smiled to my face and would put me down in any way possible, my father tried more than sh did but still, it was clear he had serious PTSD from the war and was very detached. This alone has the potential to destroy our
society.

Your post reminded me of boxing champ, Terrence Crawford’s story. You see your parents as human being who had their own issues. This will make you in shaa Allah a more loving parent and better person.

Have you ever asked your mom what her childhood was like?

 

[SOULSEARCHING]

I've seen it with my own eyes, a parent favortising one child and the other she treats like shit.

 

[Throughbred]

Take the positive they still cared for you ,gave you home ,clothed you and now you are big man/women. The more I get to know other communities(non somali) and what they get through the more i become appreciative with what our parents have provided for us even though they went through a lot stuff , Somali parents are resilient.

 

[DangerBadan]

My parents always criticize or insult me. It's probably 95% of the time why they even talk to me. Mental illness runs in my family on both sides. Both sides have had suicides that everyone tries to cover up.

 

[Dharbash]

Older Somalis don’t show love in the way it’s expected parents in the west show it, expression of love, especially to children is a little foreign to them. Cooking you your favourite meal or buying your favourite game is probably the most they’ll do. Don’t expect hugs and kisses from them

 

[WaterBottle]

Without invalidating your experience @WaterBottle , Is it possible that your parents express their love in a way that you do not recognize?

I mention this because I recently listened to a podcast that talked about how we often criticize our parents for not loving us the way we want to be loved, while they loved us in the only way they knew how.

If they didn't abandoned you, if you've never spent a day in foster care, if they've always provided you with nutritious meals, clean clothes, and ensured your education, it is proof that they love you.

This is not to say that it negates the verbal and physical abuse you've endured (which unfortunately is a common cultural practice, especially in our homeland, and needs to be eradicated), but it helps to know they don't know any better and in their own twisted way, have loved you the only way they believe truly matters..

Sorry for the late reply, I have some things going on with work, I have no doubt all parents love their children, I think mine did very dearly, and I have forgiven as all people should for my beloved parents shortcomings. Your right they did provide for me as they should, however as adults with the ability to think they had no right to treat me in this manner, although they have an excuse of coming straight out of a war, many without their parents like mine, being uneducated and therefore very susceptible to cultural programming I can completely understand. Unfortunately you halimos of today have no excuse and should think clearly about how you would behave as a parent, knowing how powerful ones childhood has when you become parents yourselves, make no mistake this type of story is common in our community but we have to make sure it isn't normalised before we become perpetrators of abuse to our own, and its that bad, it's abuse and it's not right.

 

[WaterBottle]

Your post reminded me of boxing champ, Terrence Crawford’s story. You see your parents as human being who had their own issues. This will make you in shaa Allah a more loving parent and better person.

Have you ever asked your mom what her childhood was li

I've seen it with my own eyes, a parent favortising one child and the other she treats like shit.

Story of my life, I was the oldest,

 

[WaterBottle]

Older Somalis don’t show love in the way it’s expected parents in the west show it, expression of love, especially to children is a little foreign to them. Cooking you your favourite meal or buying your favourite game is probably the most they’ll do. Don’t expect hugs and kisses from them

It's funny because I never expected it, I just wanted to not be attacked every waking second

 

[WaterBottle]

My parents always criticize or insult me. It's probably 95% of the time why they even talk to me. Mental illness runs in my family on both sides. Both sides have had suicides that everyone tries to cover up.

The best way to deal with it is to come to terms with how you felt as a childl, then slowly realize how stupid they were and start the progress of forgiveness. If you don't sit down and realize analyse what you went through, you won't realize your doing the same to your kids when you have them untill it's too late and now you have to break something that's already the habit.

 

[Hodan from HR]

Sorry for the late reply, I have some things going on with work, I have no doubt all parents love their children, I think mine did very dearly, and I have forgiven as all people should for my beloved parents shortcomings. Your right they did provide for me as they should, however as adults with the ability to think they had no right to treat me in this manner, although they have an excuse of coming straight out of a war, many without their parents like mine, being uneducated and therefore very susceptible to cultural programming I can completely understand. Unfortunately you halimos of today have no excuse and should think clearly about how you would behave as a parent, knowing how powerful ones childhood has when you become parents yourselves, make no mistake this type of story is common in our community but we have to make sure it isn't normalised before we become perpetrators of abuse to our own, and its that bad, it's abuse and it's not right.

You are right walal.

I can't speak for every halima but we discuss this topic among others with the ones in my circle and how we can contribute to end the generational traumas..

 

[WaterBottle]

You are right walal.

I can't speak for every halima but we discuss this topic among others with the ones in my circle and how we can contribute to end the generational traumas..

Keep discussing and don't be afraid to go deep in the topic with your friends, we have this tendency to brush it of, see how it worked with our parents? They ended up containing the cycle of pain and misery