Woman who likes me so much makes me afraid of commitment

[emonrah]

Basically I'm wondering if passing up to be a potential, for the lack of words, househusband lifestyle is a good decision

My story: She in her forties. Am in my 20s, she's got a home, a stable career, most of her fam's gone (old age) so she's the only one. She's divorced, has a teenage daughter. Issue here's that I can't imagine myself raising someone else's child. And I feel like I still have a lot of time before settling down. I live in the city (SD) she live in a little town, two hours away rural.

Loved the small town vibes man. Father used to tell me how his place wasn't so developed yet everything felt easy and connected. Her town felt like that. Less expensive, fewer traffic even. We do get some strange stares now and then, but that's expected..

Feel like I lost something I'll never get close to again. Yea. She act like a sugar m & is super interested in me, almost actually, obsessed that it's clingy and a little scary. Feels a little draining, and overwhelming, would invite me to random trips when I clearly trying to get a groove on. But like last year, she came through for me in several difficult situations. More or less, love bombs me. It's a stark contrast. It's good to get help... As I'm trying to save up, get a good degree..

We both have our flaws. I get the impression that she'd want me to settle soon. I feel confused. I'm mostly alone, most family and father moved out of state (out the country actually) and I'm the only 1 in my fam who lives in the city. So apologies for posting it here. I'm trying to work harder everyday so that I don't end up relying on someone.

Back to her. She's attractive to the typical eyes, not fat, make up and all that. The sex is just decent.. Can tell she was single for a time. And I start to see, she not quite my type.. Or yet? (I guess when I get older?) plus, her daughter has a whole decade before even having a chance to move out. And one dude here got it right, I'd expect her to be just like a general angsty tiktok teens lol, & she obviously a bit spoiled. I stay away from her as much I can but I know I can be a good mentor if I'm asked to be, used to tutor alot

But I ain't gonna waste her time. Just not like me to use her. Yea, there's food and a roof. I heard stories where immigrants marry-in, and once they get some papers, they just divorce (good thing my status is already settled). There was even an MTV segment of a dude my age (Jamaican) but brought back to the states by an older female... And we try to redefine what this is, even if she just exchange for sex, she comes and visit for a moment, she still ends up being too attached. She's definitely just traditional & I respect that.

I'm grateful for this experience, but I have yet to have any genuine long-term partnerships so I have no idea if I'm mistaken or just strung-in, and I been reading a lot of topics here regarding women.

So I thought I can ask for some advice here, all the city and price hikes giving me anxiety. What would you do in this situation?

 

[Ladylike]

Look foe your self respect. I am sure its hidden somewhere within. Dont build your life over a woman if the city is expensive explore other states move out go back to school get a better job. Respect yourself.she had a whole life before with someone else you better belive shes coming with her agenda. Walk away to get your life in order dont date while you're in desperation.

 

[emonrah]

Look foe your self respect. I am sure its hidden somewhere within. Dont build your life over a woman if the city is expensive explore other states move out go back to school get a better job. Respect yourself.she had a whole life before with someone else you better belive shes coming with her agenda. Walk away to get your life in order dont date while you're in desperation.

Man others have said to just settle in and take it easy because city is tough. I thought about moving out but already am tied with units. I sound whiny for sure. She'd sometimes just overwhelm me though too, would try to get me on a trip even though I say I'm busy for the week lol

 

[emonrah]

Look foe your self respect. I am sure its hidden somewhere within. Dont build your life over a woman if the city is expensive explore other states move out go back to school get a better job. Respect yourself.she had a whole life before with someone else you better belive shes coming with her agenda. Walk away to get your life in order dont date while you're in desperation.

Would there still be a place for self respect if I end up just not making it though? There's lots to reference in my personal experience, most of my friends I end up just not knowing what happened to them

 

[Ladylike]

Would there still be a place for self respect if I end up just not making it though? There's lots to reference in my personal experience, most of my friends I end up just not knowing what happened to them

Expand on this.

 

[Encroacher]

What's your age range if you mind me asking, 20-25 or 25-30?

 

[emonrah]

What's your age range if you mind me asking, 20-25 or 25-30?

The last one from your list so I ain't that much younger or getting any younger lmfao. I think if I was in my 20-25s I'd have more spunk and would have been more crazy adventurous like women such as her lol

 

[emonrah]

Expand on this.

I see lots of shortcuts people take in spite of having no self respect. Either they put up with it but don't have to worry about paying bills. This isn't to imply I'm equating this to her or a typical relationship, but having someone to accompany life can be easier. I 100% agree with you and you're still right. But so far, all I see is opportunism as a way of life. I can either keep moving and end up alone, maybe build new self respect or take an easy route

 

[Ladylike]

I see lots of shortcuts people take in spite of having no self respect. Either they put up with it but don't have to worry about paying bills. This isn't to imply I'm equating this to her or a typical relationship, but having someone to accompany life can be easier. I 100% agree with you and you're still right. But so far, all I see is opportunism as a way of life. I can either keep moving and end up alone, maybe build new self respect or take an easy route

You wont end up alone there are too many people in this world for that to happen. You are unsure of yourself now i would be working on that before adding more people to my life.forget what anyone else is doing are you actually living life on your terms? Take a step back to rethink. good luck to you.

 

[Nak-Muay-Kru]

Basically I'm wondering if passing up to be a potential, for the lack of words, househusband lifestyle is a good decision

My story: She in her forties. Am in my 20s, she's got a home, a stable career, most of her fam's gone (old age) so she's the only one. She's divorced, has a teenage daughter. Issue here's that I can't imagine myself raising someone else's child. And I feel like I still have a lot of time before settling down. I live in the city (SD) she live in a little town, two hours away rural.

Loved the small town vibes man. Father used to tell me how his place wasn't so developed yet everything felt easy and connected. Her town felt like that. Less expensive, fewer traffic even. We do get some strange stares now and then, but that's expected..

Feel like I lost something I'll never get close to again. Yea. She act like a sugar m & is super interested in me, almost actually, obsessed that it's clingy and a little scary. Feels a little draining, and overwhelming, would invite me to random trips when I clearly trying to get a groove on. But like last year, she came through for me in several difficult situations. More or less, love bombs me. It's a stark contrast. It's good to get help... As I'm trying to save up, get a good degree..

We both have our flaws. I get the impression that she'd want me to settle soon. I feel confused. I'm mostly alone, most family and father moved out of state (out the country actually) and I'm the only 1 in my fam who lives in the city. So apologies for posting it here. I'm trying to work harder everyday so that I don't end up relying on someone.

Back to her. She's attractive to the typical eyes, not fat, make up and all that. The sex is just decent.. Can tell she was single for a time. And I start to see, she not quite my type.. Or yet? (I guess when I get older?) plus, her daughter has a whole decade before even having a chance to move out. And one dude here got it right, I'd expect her to be just like a general angsty tiktok teens lol, & she obviously a bit spoiled. I stay away from her as much I can but I know I can be a good mentor if I'm asked to be, used to tutor alot

But I ain't gonna waste her time. Just not like me to use her. Yea, there's food and a roof. I heard stories where immigrants marry-in, and once they get some papers, they just divorce (good thing my status is already settled). There was even an MTV segment of a dude my age (Jamaican) but brought back to the states by an older female... And we try to redefine what this is, even if she just exchange for sex, she comes and visit for a moment, she still ends up being too attached. She's definitely just traditional & I respect that.

I'm grateful for this experience, but I have yet to have any genuine long-term partnerships so I have no idea if I'm mistaken or just strung-in, and I been reading a lot of topics here regarding women.

So I thought I can ask for some advice here, all the city and price hikes giving me anxiety. What would you do in this situation?

Don't rely on a woman, as far as having a place to live is concerned, they can be very very very petty and vindictive. Sure, she seems chill now but soon as she feels like she finally "has you", she'll have no problem telling you to get the f*ck out of her house after a heated argument/fight. And rightfully so. In the long term, you NEED to have something of your own.

There's no future in this sxb. You'll want children in the future, children she'll be unable to provide you with, naturally anyway. Or things could go in the completely opposite direction and she might want children straight away which is even worse because you'll be trapped. Once you have a child with you her, you wouldn't be able to just walk away if things get sour.

Enjoy the situation for it is. Don't feel the need to commit. She's had the marriage, the home life, the children etc, her life's basically complete. Your's is just begining sxb, don't cash you chips in too early. You'll fucking regret it, I can honestly promise you that much.

She's clinging onto you so hard because the likilhood of meeting someone like you (age-wise) who's unencumbered by children/divorce etc is slim to none for a woman her age.

I'm not just pulling this shit out of my arsehole either, a Yemeni guy I knew got with a woman in her early 30s when he was 19-20 and she roped him into a relationship and then a marriage in under 2yrs. She started treating him like an accessory after he served his role and got her pregnant. I saw him again recently now that we're all in our mid 20s and I swear to fucking god he looked middle aged.

You're not equipt to deal with the level of head-fucking a woman who's your senior can inflict. Stay in the realtionship whilst working on your career and setting a life up for yourself. Do not rely on this woman financially, I can't stress that enough.

Also, you're pretty much living in sin everyday. Keep that in mind and don't be a hypocrite if you want to marry a Halimo in the future. Goodluck sxb, sincerely.

 

[emonrah]

Don't rely on a woman, as far as having a place to live is concerned, they can be very very very petty and vindictive. Sure, she seems chill now but soon as she feels like she finally "has you", she'll have no problem telling you to get the f*ck out of her house after a heated argument/fight. And rightfully so. In the long term, you NEED to have something of your own.

There's no future in this sxb. You'll want children in the future, children she'll be unable to provide you with, naturally anyway. Or things could go in the completely opposite direction and she might want children straight away which is even worse because you'll be trapped. Once you have a child with you her, you wouldn't be able to just walk away if things get sour.

Enjoy the situation for it is. Don't feel the need to commit. She's had the marriage, the home life, the children etc, her life's basically complete. Your's is just begining sxb, don't cash you chips in too early. You'll fucking regret it, I can honestly promise you that much.

She's clinging onto you so hard because the likilhood of meeting someone like you (age-wise) who's unencumbered by children/divorce etc is slim to none for a woman her age.

I'm not just pulling this shit out of my arsehole either, a Yemeni guy I knew got with a woman in her early 30s when he was 19-20 and she roped him into a relationship and then a marriage in under 2yrs. She started treating him like an accessory after he served his role and got her pregnant. I saw him again recently now that we're all in our mid 20s and I swear to fucking god he looked middle aged.

You're not equipt to deal with the level of head-fucking a woman who's your senior can inflict. Stay in the realtionship whilst working on your career and setting a life up for yourself. Do not rely on this woman financially, I can't stress that enough.

Also, you're pretty much living in sin everyday. Keep that in mind and don't be a hypocrite if you want to marry a Halimo in the future. Goodluck sxb, sincerely.

Words of wisdom thank you sxb. A man's is never free with strings. I think, even if life is almost close to impossible, freedom is a treasure. Yes I did not know why, at times, it feels like she or a woman I've dated past, would want to lock me in. Especially with her, I told her myself that she has everything. But not someone, she tells me back. She had one. I just don't get why some people at this stage choose to not just have a casual relationship. I may sound silly. But there's so much one can do. For her, she can raise her daughter, learn skills, live life, and a bit with me too. But I know it's also difficult for women. Extremely. I tried my best to improve her. But time will creep up, I know. I just don't want to see her get taken advantage of by someone, I have to let this thought go.

 

[Nak-Muay-Kru]

Words of wisdom thank you sxb. A man's is never free with strings. I think, even if life is almost close to impossible, freedom is a treasure. Yes I did not know why, at times, it feels like she or a woman I've dated past, would want to lock me in. Especially with her, I told her myself that she has everything. But not someone, she tells me back. She had one. I just don't get why some people at this stage choose to not just have a casual relationship. I may sound silly. But there's so much one can do. For her, she can raise her daughter, learn skills, live life, and a bit with me too. But I know it's also difficult for women. Extremely. I tried my best to improve her. But time will creep up, I know. I just don't want to see her get taken advantage of by someone, I have to let this thought go.

They're fundamentally different from us. Solitude and dedicating oneself to something, a hobby/craft like carpentry etc is something men typically cherish more than women do. Hence why some women value having "a life partner" so much. I'm sure there's some evolutionary reason behind it. That's my theory anyway lol

You don't have to worry about her "being taken advantage of" sxb, she's not as helpless as you think. It's just something girls do sometimes. She's not that vulnerable, she wouldn't be where she is in live if she were that naive. This isn't your cross to bear, the only moral obligation you have is to yourself (unless there children in the picture). I know the need to protect them is overwhelming when you love them, but it's misplaced a lot of the time. She'll be just fine. Focus on you. Because if you sacrifice your youth/ambitions for her sake, you'll end up resenting her if things don't work out, wallahi.

 

[Sophisticate]

Are you even Somali? What 20-something would entertain the prospect of a 40 + woman with a teenage child? She seems like she had kids very young. Stay away. I don't believe in wasting people's time especially those riddled with baggage. You are desperate or a lazy mooch if you go for an older woman that's 15 years your senior.

 

[Bundasliga]

 

[Boqorada]

Are you even Somali? What 20-something would entertain the prospect of a 40 + woman with a teenage child? She seems like she had kids very young. Stay away. I don't believe in wasting people's time especially those riddled with baggage. You are desperate or a lazy mooch if you go for an older woman that's 15 years your senior.

Happens everyday.

 

[Sophisticate]

Happens everyday.

I don't really see it among Somalis. It seems sad. Broke = uninteresting. Baggage = run for the hills. It's like combining hydrogen peroxide and bleach. In other words, an explosive and deadly combo that is short-lived.

 

[Boqorada]

I don't really see it among Somalis. It seems sad. Broke = uninteresting. Baggage = run for the hills. It's like combining hydrogen peroxide and bleach. In other words, an explosive and deadly combo that is short-lived.

Its 90 day fiance galore. The amount of danielle and Mohameds I've seen. They dont even need to be fobs who need a Visa, there are many young guys who love being sugababies and looking for their sugamama. No shame at all either. The woman pays for everything including his lifestyle and she controls him, it always backfires of course lol. 'Khadar and fahiima' are our version of danielle and Mohamed.

 

[Sophisticate]

Its 90 day fiance galore. The amount of danielle and Mohameds I've seen. They dont even need to be fobs who need a Visa, there are many young guys who love being sugababies and looking for their sugamama. No shame at all either. The woman pays for everything including his lifestyle and she controls him, it always backfires of course lol. 'Khadar and fahiima' are our version of danielle and Mohamed.

The dynamic between these pairs often results in a power differential. The one that is older and financially better off wields more power. Being a kept man isn't a dignified life. It's more of a transitory period before one has themselves together and they can monkey bar to an age peer or someone younger. Older women who often fall for this arrangement are either (1) horny, (2) insecure, or (3) looking for some validation they clearly aren't getting any more. That's why you keep your tank full with some self-love and self-respect. So you aren't scrambling for crumbs from a man child with nothing substantive to give.

 

[emonrah]

The dynamic between these pairs often results in a power differential. The one that is older and financially better off wields more power. Being a kept man isn't a dignified life. It's more of a transitory period before one has themselves together and they can monkey bar to an age peer or someone younger. Older women who often fall for this arrangement are either (1) horny, (2) insecure, or (3) looking for some validation they clearly aren't getting any more. That's why you keep your tank full with some self-love and self-respect. So you aren't scrambling for crumbs from a man child with nothing substantive to give.

I far off from family so I can be a bit lost. This place has reminded me of what is important. To share to anyone who might find themselves in this sort of dynamic (and I did wanted to experience a bit since working and studying while doing it all alone got to me) yes I strayed away from being disciplined, praying and this, curiosity. Bit me. When I was with her the dynamic was interesting. It's not that she bossed me around (yet?) I felt a bit comforted or even to an extent of pampered. I had a place far away from the city where I could study. Silence while she was at work. I'd say you are correct in the 1, and she was a bit of a number 2. I have told her she can just make it easy for us and go and date and she has tried. I'm not one to monkey branch but I've mentioned to her many times what this dynamic was. I think later on we started to know. The question for me is how long is this transitory period? It will take a long time. Especially if I'm doing it all alone. I have had friends who were in this dynamic, but the men/friends seemed like they were fine settling down early. For me, it feels like I have to fight and it is what is keeping me. She's better than she was when I have met her. But I have to say, ask anyone about their past ex, she had a complete absolute manchild who didn't do nothing. She was used to the fact, she liked me assertiveness.

 

[emonrah]

Happens everyday.

From the men I've seen this happened to, they seemed to just want to settle for less or are content with whatever they have found. That seemed to be the case.

But to experience this dynamic was interesting. I like me a assertive woman, I believe the media just brainwashed me. It was an interesting perspective as the previous women I've met were not initiators, not that it's bad but a balance is healthy.