Wish I had a man to help discipline me (it’s sfw dw)

[caanoshaah]

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[caanoshaah]

Admittedly a lot of the reason why I feel this way is because idk what it is about me but everyone in my life always come to me for help/asking advice and it almsot feels like they’re disappointed or frustrated when I ask for advice/help back??? So I always just keep it to myself.

This has been the case my whole life even with my parents.. so it’s really hard for me to ask for help

And I hate to say it the idea of therapy sounds extremely cold and off putting to me I know what I need is a genuine connection not some rent-a-buddy bs (that’s what it seems like to me sorry…..) I’m not saying it’s bad but I’m saying I don’t think it’s right for me

 

[Basra]

Well we love u just the way you are! U can start by changing today!

 

[haye haye]

I can relate to the easy secondary school, hard uni thing. Are your grades still good despite the discipline? Do you procrastinate? Is something distracting you, like social media, friends, family? You seem stressed too, with the food you're choosing the fast options. Any anxiety about finishing your tasks? Do you miss deadlines on your tasks? Just trying to see what is at the heart of the issue here.

 

[caanoshaah]

Well we love u just the way you are! U can start by changing today!

Tysm Basra ly2 okay I think you are correct i have this bad mentality I keep thinking “I messed up today, have to start tomorrow”.. I should start today instead

 

[Mohmed]

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Sit yourself down and start writing down the things you to accomplish. Write down the goals you to achieve. You are in uni, so it seems like you are already set. You don't need anyone to discipline you, rather I say you find help (like school counselor or smth in that regard).

 

[Lightshow]

Connect with Allah, build a spiritual relationship with your maker.

 

[caanoshaah]

I can relate to the easy secondary school, hard uni thing. Are your grades still good despite the discipline? Do you procrastinate? Is something distracting you, like social media, friends, family? You seem stressed too, with the food you're choosing the fast options. Any anxiety about finishing your tasks? Do you miss deadlines on your tasks? Just trying to see what is at the heart of the issue here.

They were okay last sem, speaking of this semester I just finished midterms.. and it was really bad… (worst part is apparently I have to study extra hard because surprise surprise majority of the class failed for one specific course...) so I literally need triple the amount of discipline I have rn to do wellgod why did I put myself in this situation it’s whatever though in the long run it’s good for me

Luckily they weren’t worth much and I have time to improve. Speaking of my distractions I’d say social media is just the surface of my problems, even when I leave my phone at home (lol I do that sometimes) I literally procrastinate by daydreaming (I have a very very active imagination the daydreams can feel so real…….. I’m not schizo though promise ), journaling etc etc

I don’t even have many assignments right now either and I’m still feeling this way smh. I feel like a lot of what’s bothering me has to do with certain factors in my environment I have to work on fixing instead of distracting myself from (oversleeping, social media/the daydreaming thing…)

 

[caanoshaah]

Sit yourself down and start writing down the things you to accomplish. Write down the goals you to achieve. You are in uni, so it seems like you are already set. You don't need anyone to discipline you, rather I say you find help (like school counselor or smth in that regard).

You’re right and the thing is I’m passionate about so many things and I have so many side projects (some of which are already going well) but I keep letting time pass me by instead of getting to the bottom of it and actually starting/finishing.

I know I technically don’t need it but damnn it would help so much the sad thing is I can’t just wait around for it smh I gotta be that person for myself if I wanna live a good life

 

[CABDULWALI XASAN.]

Youre living good right now, Just a moment of stress and once things start coming together, you either finish it all up with stress power or implode from the stress. Good luck... Weird question though.

 

[Kalsoon]

I’m assuming you’re a grown adult male. You want a mentor to teach you how to be disciplined?

 

[wonyluvr]

I’m assuming you’re a grown adult male. You want a mentor to teach you how to be disciplined?

Pretty sure caanoshah is a girl

 

[CABDULWALI XASAN.]

Pretty sure caanoshah is a girl

Im pretty sure its a grown adult male.

 

[NomadicWarlord]

I’m assuming you’re a grown adult male. You want a mentor to teach you how to be disciplined?

Ukhti OP is actually a female…

 

[haye haye]

They were okay last sem, speaking of this semester I just finished midterms.. and it was really bad… (worst part is apparently I have to study extra hard because surprise surprise majority of the class failed for one specific course...) so I literally need triple the amount of discipline I have rn to do wellgod why did I put myself in this situation it’s whatever though in the long run it’s good for me

Luckily they weren’t worth much and I have time to improve. Speaking of my distractions I’d say social media is just the surface of my problems, even when I leave my phone at home (lol I do that sometimes) I literally procrastinate by daydreaming (I have a very very active imagination……..), journaling etc etc

I don’t even have many assignments right now either and I’m still feeling this way smh. I feel like a lot of what’s bothering me has to do with certain factors in my environment I have to work on fixing instead of distracting myself from (oversleeping, social media/the daydreaming thing…)

You took some steps to limit your distractions by keeping the phone at home but you're still getting distracted by daydreaming. As for the social media, tell your friends you need to get serious with school and delete all the apps off your phone. It also sounds like you may have something called maladaptive daydreaming. It's a form of escapism, but it can really derail your life. Music often triggers it, but you should probably stop listening to it anyways.

Here are some vids about it:


Tnis guy has a good longer video about it:


For the oversleeping, try to maintain a good schedule where you go to sleep at the same time nightly. It's really something worth working on. Set a bed time like 11 PM and stick to it. Unless you're an insomniac, that should be the easiest thing to correct. Taking a very short nap during the day is fine, but those 3 hour daytime naps are not very helpful and just make it harder for you to sleep later.

Not sure if your program is more maths or science based or humanities, but for maths and sciences and coding and stuff like that, YouTube is undefeated. You'll find a random guy out there explaining it better than your professor. Just look around and see who suits you. Also, practice makes perfect, you just have to grind for those types of courses.

Also, don't feel down about your results so far on your courses. There is always time to correct that before finals. Give yourself some confidence and go. You can do it! We will make dua for you inshallah.

 

[wonyluvr]

@caanoshaah you are a girl right???

 

[Kalsoon]

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You’re not the first one to face these issues nor will you be the last. You must have not hit rock bottom yet. Cause if you did, you wouldn't be doing what you’re doing! What you’re missing more than discipline is grit. The ability to do what needs to be done even when it challenges you. It’s in those moments, you see what you’re made of and grow as a person.

Ukhti OP is actually a female…

Weird cause then does she want a man as in a husband to teach her how to be disciplined

 

[Luugobaastobeing]

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you don’t need a man you need a routine to stick to everyday repeating things everyday helps with aqlaaq and will keep u motivated. if you get things done even though you don’t want to you’ll feel a dopamine rush and you’ll crave that leading to more things in your life being organised. i used to be like dis during my sixth form days where days used to pass by without me doing things and once i started a routine everyday things have been going my way. may allah make things for you ameen.

 

[caanoshaah]

I’m assuming you’re a grown adult male. You want a mentor to teach you how to be disciplined?

Im pretty sure its a grown adult male.

I’m a woman and woww “it’s” kulaha interesting choice of words (Jkjk)

 

[caanoshaah]

You took some steps to limit your distractions by keeping the phone at home but you're still getting distracted by daydreaming. As for the social media, tell your friends you need to get serious with school and delete all the apps off your phone. It also sounds like you may have something called maladaptive daydreaming. It's a form of escapism, but it can really derail your life. Music often triggers it, but you should probably stop listening to it anyways.

Here are some vids about it:


Tnis guy has a good longer video about it:


For the oversleeping, try to maintain a good schedule where you go to sleep at the same time nightly. It's really something worth working on. Set a bed time like 11 PM and stick to it. Unless you're an insomniac, that should be the easiest thing to correct. Taking a very short nap during the day is fine, but those 3 hour daytime naps are not very helpful and just make it harder for you to sleep later.

Not sure if your program is more maths or science based or humanities, but for maths and sciences and coding and stuff like that, YouTube is undefeated. You'll find a random guy out there explaining it better than your professor. Just look around and see who suits you. Also, practice makes perfect, you just have to grind for those types of courses.

Also, don't feel down about your results so far on your courses. There is always time to correct that before finals. Give yourself some confidence and go. You can do it! We will make dua for you inshallah.

Thank you so much, I’ve heard about maladaptive daydreaming I’m not going to lie I might have that to some extent. It’s mostly bad when I first wake up and when I’m on transport etc I’m not even joking I’ve missed my stop a handful of times because of it… it might sound ridiculous I wish I was making this up but it’s true. Thank you so much for your message and help I really appreciate, gonna go and watch those videos in a little bit I really appreciate it wallahi. I believe in myself I can finish this semester on a good note