Why dont Somali men spend more time with their kids?

[Amirah]

there's many who even after the divorce refuse to give her the meher out of spite

I have never heard any women collecting on her mehr or going after him for it. First most pick pennies for theirs and think it’s ceeb to go after him for it and second the men rarely pay. One guy told me his new SIL chose 10k for hers and he says it shocked every faraax in their families. He said proudly my father went to her father with bunch of sheekhs and the father was shamed into coming down to $2k. That’s the people we’re dealing with over here.

 

[Revolutionary]

Lol, So much for “I’m 15 yr old teen boy” born and raised in diaspora! They’re bitter contempt for women rivals that of 60 yr old reer miye oday that’s been divorced 7x already.

Cry me a river with the hypocrisy. Its clear that it is in fact you that have a bitter contempt for somali men just from looking at from virtually everything that you post, but unlike @Xaruun, the "you're too young" cannot work

 

[Xaruun]

I have never heard any women collecting on her mehr or going after him for it. First most pick pennies for theirs and think it’s ceeb to go after him for it and second the men rarely pay. One guy told me his new SIL chose 10k for hers and he says it shocked every faraax in their families. He said proudly my father went to her father with bunch of sheekhs and the father was shamed into coming down to $2k. That’s the people we’re dealing with over here.

Why was the father the one being shamed? Did the woman choose the mehr of her own accord or did aabo pick for her? If it’s the latter then the guy was in the right.

 

[Mercury]

I have never heard any women collecting on her mehr or going after him for it. First most pick pennies for theirs and think it’s ceeb to go after him for it and second the men rarely pay. One guy told me his new SIL chose 10k for hers and he says it shocked every faraax in their families. He said proudly my father went to her father with bunch of sheekhs and the father was shamed into coming down to $2k. That’s the people we’re dealing with over here.

that's crazy I heard this story of a girl back home she paid for the furniture in the house when they got a divorce he refused to give back the furniture along with her meher the girls family instead of fighting and going after the guys family they choose to move on and not have anything to do with such horrible people

 

[Gibiin-Udug]

that's crazy I heard this story of a girl back home she paid for the furniture in the house when they got a divorce he refused to give back the furniture along with her meher the girls family instead of fighting and going after the guys family they choose to move on and not have anything to do with such horrible people

An incident happened in Minnesota couple of years ago, the bride and the groom agreed to tell people their Mehr was 10k, the groom said it Infront of the sheikh and the family that he was going to pay the 10k for mehr but in private they agreed to 3k. After couple of months of marriage they got divorced, the lady demanded him to fork over the 10k, he refused but the sheikh and his own family were the witness. So he had to pay the 10k. I commend that lady Wallahi.

 

[Mercury]

An incident happened in Minnesota couple of years ago, the bride and the groom agreed to tell people their Mehr was 10k, the groom said it Infront of the sheikh and the family that he was going to pay the 10k for mehr but in private they agreed to 3k. After couple of months of marriage they got divorced, the lady demanded him to fork over the 10k, he refused but the sheikh and his own family were the witness. So he had to pay the 10k. I commend that lady Wallahi.

Serves him right

 

[Angelina]

Im getting the feeling that you're quoting the wrong person, because what I've just said had nothing to do with it being something common or not, I feel as though you make up things a person say, strawmans wont work. Just like you assume its being delayed I've assumed that both parties have agreed it to doing so

I'll repeat again we need to stop assuming the worst in these situations

I repeat again. Stop talking about shit you don't know and ask an elder member.

What woman wouldn't want her money in advance? Its not agreed whatsoever. You're assuming shit, i'm not. So i'm telling you to stop assuming shit and talk to elder family members.

Thank you.

 

[Angelina]

Why was the father the one being shamed? Did the woman choose the mehr of her own accord or did aabo pick for her? If it’s the latter then the guy was in the right.

Culturally its the father that negotiates and Islamically, its the woman or her wali that chooses. He is her father and has every right.

 

[Revolutionary]

I repeat again. Stop talking about shit you don't know and ask an elder member.

What woman wouldn't want her money in advance? Its not agreed whatsoever. You're assuming shit, i'm not. So i'm telling you to stop assuming shit and talk to elder family members.

Thank you.

As for your first two sentences the same could be said about you

You do not know the situations of every single somali couple where the male has not yet paid the meher, you are assuming shit, you are assuming that its being willingly ignored and I've simply pointed to an alternative explanation as to perhaps why, that there is an agreement with both parties as to when it is paid and that it isn't simply black and white. You need to accept that its either we are both making assumptions or ditch that talking point entirely

 

[Angelina]

As for your first two sentences the same could be said about you

You do not know the situations of every single somali couple where the male has not yet paid the meher, you are assuming shit, you are assuming that its being willingly ignored and I've simply pointed to an alternative explanation as to perhaps why that there could be an agreement with both parties as to when it is paid and that it isn't simply black and white. You need to accept that its either we are both making assumptions or ditch that talking point entirely

The reason why they do not pay its because it is culturally acceptable. You're trying to make excuses for a practise that is common for a good 70%. Are all those men broke? They did it out of ignorance.

I'm not making assumptions due to actually talking to many people about it, whilst you haven't. Actually ask the elder gen women of your family if they have seen their mehr. Why go back and forth with me when you can actually ask people? Also, whilst you're at it, ask them if they agreed?

So you're telling me 70% of women have agreed NOT to get mehr at all? So women are so angelic that they would not their money?

Wtf, you're literally asking me about something I know for certain due to discussions i've had with elder women. Whilst you had? What exactly?

 

[Desert Flower]

The reason why they do not pay its because it is culturally acceptable. You're trying to make excuses for a practise that is common for a good 70%. Are all those men broke? They did it out of ignorance.

I'm not making assumptions due to actually talking to many people about it, whilst you haven't. Actually ask the elder gen women of your family if they have seen their mehr. Why go back and forth with me when you can actually ask people? Also, whilst you're at it, ask them if they agreed?

So you're telling me 70% of women have agreed NOT to get mehr at all? So women are so angelic that they would not their money?

Wtf, you're literally asking me about something I know for certain due to discussions i've had with elder women. Whilst you had? What exactly?

They talk so they can hear themselves. I can only imagine how exhausting some of these posters are in real life. They’re all on my ignore list (thank goodness).

 

[Angelina]

They talk so they can hear themselves. I can only imagine how exhausting some of these posters are in real life. They’re all on my ignore list (thank goodness).

This kid is annoying. Supposedly 15 with no life experience but audacity.

I'm even telling him, hey actually speak to the elder women and men about mehr if you don't believe me. Talk to people instead of just arguing.

 

[Boogie]

The topic went out the window haha

 

[Revolutionary]

The reason why they do not pay its because it is culturally acceptable. You're trying to make excuses for a practise that is common for a good 70%. Are all those men broke? They did it out of ignorance.

I'm not making assumptions due to actually talking to many people about it, whilst you haven't. Actually ask the elder gen women of your family if they have seen their mehr. Why go back and forth with me when you can actually ask people? Also, whilst you're at it, ask them if they agreed?

So you're telling me 70% of women have agreed NOT to get mehr at all? So women are so angelic that they would not their money?

Great, you've decided to choose the latter for ditching it entirely.

What I am stating is not an excuse of any sort, it is an alternative explanation to what you've concluded to about willingly not paying the maher. This doesnt mean that they cannot afford it, it could mean they do not have the money at the time being and that they are able to pay it in the future. If both sides agree that this is permissible there is no issue.

You've talked to women about it, great, do go on though, how many, how long were they married, have they asked their husbands as to what is going on? Even if they were to come up with the same answers (which im sure you'll say so for the sake of arguing further) they are not an accurate depiction of what every single couple who's sharing the same occurance had experienced. The 70% number which you've came up with out of thin air can be blown away straight to where it came from

I have no doubt that the reasoning im presented is shared, i know family members and read accounts online that are similar to what im describing.

They talk so they can hear themselves. I can only imagine how exhausting some of these posters are in real life. They’re all on my ignore list (thank goodness).

I've literally been away from home for hours, just came back and saw a notification, im not waiting for any of this

 

[Revolutionary]

This kid is annoying. Supposedly 15 with no life experience but audacity.

I'm even telling him, hey actually speak to the elder women and men about mehr if you don't believe me. Talk to people instead of just arguing.

Ah yes, the audacity to present a case different from yours, the humanity!

and to your second point, i have a few times talked with relatives and read accounts specifically with this scenario online, dont presuppose stuff on me

 

[Angelina]

Ah yes, the audacity to present a case different from yours, the humanity!

and to your second point, i have a few times talked with relatives and read accounts specifically with this scenario online, dont presuppose stuff on me

Ask them how Somalis traditionally handle mehr and come back to me.

We even have a proverb btw 'marry her with lies, live with her in truth'.

Can someone who's Somali writing is good write this famous proverb please in af Somali

 

[Amirah]

Ah yes, the audacity to present a case different from yours, the humanity!

and to your second point, i have a few times talked with relatives and read accounts specifically with this scenario online, dont presuppose stuff on me

If you’re truly 15, they ought to call you Benjamin Button!

I know no 15yr so set in their ways..so stubborn and self-righteous. With that attitude I can’t even imagine dealing with you in adulthood.

 

[Boogie]

Ask them how Somalis traditionally handle mehr and come back to me.

We even have a proverb btw 'marry her with lies, live with her in truth'.

Can someone who's Somali writing is good write this famous proverb please.

Just ask @one

 

[Amirah]

They talk so they can hear themselves. I can only imagine how exhausting some of these posters are in real life. They’re all on my ignore list (thank goodness).

time to utilize my ignore list. Ain’t no one have time for this.

 

[Boogie]

If you’re truly 15, they ought call you Benjamin Button!

I know no 15yr so set in their ways..so stubborn and self-righteous. With that attitude I can’t even imagine dealing with you in adulthood.

Revolutionary seems quite intelligent actually its just a discussion about mehr no hard feeling