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There's No Incentive To Get Married As A Modern Muslim Woman In This Day And Age.
- Thread starter Hodan from HR
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Getting married is taking a big risk, not getting married is also a risk. I just think it waters down to what decision you will be okay with 30, 40 years in the future. Never starting your own family or not compromising on your freedom and the vision you have for yourself. Different people will choose different things
You have the option of adopting if you wished.
mohamedismail
Reewin. Lixda Gobol ee Maayland unii leh!
No offence sister, if that's the case I hope you and your cats have a nice future. It's gonna be tough at age 40 with nothing but cats to keep you company.
What about the reward from Allah for taking care of your husband and children?
How can you be too old to marry for love? Imo, marrying for any worldly or materialistic gain will lead to a lack of patience and respect for your spouse eventually.
Itโs hard to do but I sincerely believe you should still persevere in your search for a good guy that will treat you well. Youโre in a difficult place maybe because your views on how marriage should be is not that common among our people. Having feminist or some liberal views wonโt be easy for many as they sometimes clash with traditional values of marriage. Ask yourself-are those beliefs more dear to you than being in a secure and loving marriage?
I used to put off the idea of marriage whenever I had a bad experience or learned of another bad marriage experience online until I took some time to understand myself and my core values. One thing I realized was the importance of being able to compromise on some non-essentials.
Having the love and support (all types) a spouse can give you will strengthen you. Iโm kind of upset more people donโt talk about all the positive aspects of being married.
Itโs not easy at first because you have to make effort to show your appreciation and love for your spouse but itโs definitely worthwhile imo. That is if one gets married for non-superficial reasons.
How can you be too old to marry for love? Imo, marrying for any worldly or materialistic gain will lead to a lack of patience and respect for your spouse eventually.
Itโs hard to do but I sincerely believe you should still persevere in your search for a good guy that will treat you well. Youโre in a difficult place maybe because your views on how marriage should be is not that common among our people. Having feminist or some liberal views wonโt be easy for many as they sometimes clash with traditional values of marriage. Ask yourself-are those beliefs more dear to you than being in a secure and loving marriage?
I used to put off the idea of marriage whenever I had a bad experience or learned of another bad marriage experience online until I took some time to understand myself and my core values. One thing I realized was the importance of being able to compromise on some non-essentials.
Having the love and support (all types) a spouse can give you will strengthen you. Iโm kind of upset more people donโt talk about all the positive aspects of being married.
Itโs not easy at first because you have to make effort to show your appreciation and love for your spouse but itโs definitely worthwhile imo. That is if one gets married for non-superficial reasons.
You make good points. I agree that the negatives of marriage is talked about more than the positives.
The aspects of feminism and liberalism that I support doesn't clash with our religious beliefs but I have to agree they do make the idea of "submission" and allowing the husband be the qawaam harder for me.
For example; I know polygamy is allowed in Islam but I have alot of cuqdad regarding this topic. Case in point, my latest prospect whom I ended things this with..
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And you can guarantee me that I won't be widowed before the age of 40 or I may not outlive my children? I poured my heart out here because I'm sincerely seeking advice from the sisters who are on the other side so I don't appreciate your cat shaming tactics..
Well, this surely is an incentive to have children. Although I would make sure mine incorporate the Quran in their actions and deeds, and not merely memorize it.
Yap! There's also alot of rewards in adopting and raising orphans..
A Mean Guy
Minister of Ajanabi Affairs
Well, this surely is an incentive to have children. Although I would make sure mine incorporate the Quran, in their actions and deeds, and not merely memorize it.
Yap! There's also alot of rewards in adopting and raising orphans..
ุญูุฏููุซูููุง ุนูุจูุฏู ุงูููููู ุจููู ุนูุจูุฏู ุงูููููููุงุจูุ ููุงูู ุญูุฏููุซูููู ุนูุจูุฏู ุงููุนูุฒููุฒู ุจููู ุฃูุจูู ุญูุงุฒูู ูุ ููุงูู ุญูุฏููุซูููู ุฃูุจูู ููุงููุ ุณูู ูุนูุชู ุณููููู ุจููู ุณูุนูุฏูุ ุนููู ุงููููุจูููู ุตูู ุงููู ุนููู ูุณูู ููุงูู โ "โ ุฃูููุง ููููุงูููู ุงููููุชููู ูุ ููู ุงููุฌููููุฉู ููููุฐูุง โ"โโ.โ ููููุงูู ุจูุฅูุตูุจูุนููููู ุงูุณููุจููุงุจูุฉู ููุงููููุณูุทููโ.โ
Narrated Sahl bin Sa`d: The Prophet (๏ทบ) said, "I and the person who looks after an orphan and provides for him, will be in Paradise like this," putting his index and middle fingers together.
Sahih al-Bukhari 6005
Sahih al-Bukhari 6005 - Good Manners and Form (Al-Adab) - ูุชุงุจ ุงูุฃุฏุจ - Sunnah.com - Sayings and Teachings of Prophet Muhammad (ุตูู ุงููู ุนููู ู ุณูู )
Hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (saws) in English and Arabic
sunnah.com
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Lol, this is the really โ look at the ummah today.
All this talk is an evasion of fate and reality, just cowardice. Instead of saying, โI pray to Allah to grant me righteousness and steadfastness in dunnyia, for a faitful husband, and good children.โ You say, "I'm afraid. Marriage is not possible in this era, as its benefits are few, its risk does not equal returns.โ
โit seems the risks of marriage for women outweighs the benefits.โ
Using your logic โ as a man what will stop me from messing around with women and spreading my sperm everywhere when in any case I will not lose anything at all from this, and I will benefit from satisfying my lusts?
Simply, my deen. Iโm a Muslim, itโs haram, and i should start a normal family; four if want. Why? Because I'm the slave of Allah. I pray for a good wives, i donโt say โsheesh, hookers and feminists are everywhere these days.โ Lol, I am an upright Muslim man with excellent qualities, high morals, far from zina and malice. I have complete confidence in Allahโs grace and trust in Him. As in the quran:
( (24:26) [Impure women are for impure men and impure men for impure women, and pure women are for pure men and pure men for pure women. They are free from those scandals which the slanderers utter.]
Alhamdullah, i fear nothing. Let what happens happen, in the end it is all destiny, benefits and losses are all destiny. But you fearing from โgetting married for benefits and bad men and labor painsโ and talking this nonsense and confuse the minds of the other sisters...how absurd and childish.
One day, I was riding behind the Prophet (๏ทบ) when he said, "O boy! I will instruct you in some matters. Be watchful of Allah (Commandments of Allah), He will preserve you. Safeguard His Rights, He will be ever with you. If you beg, beg of Him Alone; and if you need assistance, supplicate to Allah Alone for help. And remember that if all the people gather to benefit you, they will not be able to benefit you except that which Allah had foreordained (for you); and if all of them gather to do harm to you, they will not be able to afflict you with anything other than that which Allah had pre-destined against you. The pens had been lifted and the ink had dried up".
Imam Ahmad was asked: โWhen will a servant find the taste of comfort?โ He said: โAt the first foot he places in Paradiseโ (Al-Maqsad Al-Arshad [2/398])
Now see this and look at the ummah today, seeking for shortcuts in this dunniya and evading reality with flimsy excuses and fallacies, what a cowardice, wallahi thatโs pathetic.
โit seems the risks of marriage for women outweighs the benefits.โ
Using your logic โ as a man what will stop me from messing around with women and spreading my sperm everywhere when in any case I will not lose anything at all from this, and I will benefit from satisfying my lusts?
Simply, my deen. Iโm a Muslim, itโs haram, and i should start a normal family; four if want. Why? Because I'm the slave of Allah. I pray for a good wives, i donโt say โsheesh, hookers and feminists are everywhere these days.โ Lol, I am an upright Muslim man with excellent qualities, high morals, far from zina and malice. I have complete confidence in Allahโs grace and trust in Him. As in the quran:
( (24:26) [Impure women are for impure men and impure men for impure women, and pure women are for pure men and pure men for pure women. They are free from those scandals which the slanderers utter.]
Alhamdullah, i fear nothing. Let what happens happen, in the end it is all destiny, benefits and losses are all destiny. But you fearing from โgetting married for benefits and bad men and labor painsโ and talking this nonsense and confuse the minds of the other sisters...how absurd and childish.
One day, I was riding behind the Prophet (๏ทบ) when he said, "O boy! I will instruct you in some matters. Be watchful of Allah (Commandments of Allah), He will preserve you. Safeguard His Rights, He will be ever with you. If you beg, beg of Him Alone; and if you need assistance, supplicate to Allah Alone for help. And remember that if all the people gather to benefit you, they will not be able to benefit you except that which Allah had foreordained (for you); and if all of them gather to do harm to you, they will not be able to afflict you with anything other than that which Allah had pre-destined against you. The pens had been lifted and the ink had dried up".
Imam Ahmad was asked: โWhen will a servant find the taste of comfort?โ He said: โAt the first foot he places in Paradiseโ (Al-Maqsad Al-Arshad [2/398])
Now see this and look at the ummah today, seeking for shortcuts in this dunniya and evading reality with flimsy excuses and fallacies, what a cowardice, wallahi thatโs pathetic.
NidarNidar
Punisher
Wa สฟalaykumu s-salam, sister.
I'm not the most devoted Muslim, but I try to adhere to the principles, marriage for me isn't about love, but about companionship, it can certainly evolve into love. Many romantic relationships start with a strong foundation of friendship and companionship. As people spend time together, share experiences, and develop a deep understanding of each other, feelings can naturally deepen and transform into romantic love.
This transition from companionship to love often involves a growing emotional connection, increased intimacy, and a sense of mutual care and support. While not all friendships turn romantic, a solid foundation of companionship can provide a strong basis for a romantic relationship to develop. Communication and openness about feelings are essential for this, as both individuals need to be on the same page and comfortable with it, and so will their relationship.
You don't have to financially really on anyone, you just need to find someone who is compatible and is willing to support each other's career, in the west you need a two-income household, you need to plan kids, a house, a car etc...
mohamedismail
Reewin. Lixda Gobol ee Maayland unii leh!
That's completely different. Becoming a widow or dying is completely out of your control, that's qadar Allah.
In islam you can't blame Qadr of Allah, Allah tells us to trust in him and tie your camel ( put in effort and work hard. You saying you don't want marriage directly goes against tying your camel.
I am not trying to shame you at all. If you look past my sarcasm I am trying to give you sincere advice.
What is the alternative to marriage which is the sunnah of the prophet PBUH, living with cats at the age of 40, depressed regretting your life choices.
Or you can get married, yes marriage isn't easy it comes with struggles. But there is a possibility you find the right person live a fulfilled life as a mother and leave behind offspring that will make dua for you when you die. And when you do reach old age, if you have good kids you will have people who will look after you and keep you company.
Theres no third choice.
Thanks for your advice but you speak from a place of privilege. You said you can have four families if you want. Guess what? I don't want a man who can marry 4 wives. Periodt.
I don't expect you to relate to me but you have no right to dismiss my concerns and accuse me of "confusing minds of other sisters and cowardice". If I can't address my fears in here, an anonymous forum in the women's den (I even put my opinion in spoiler) What else do you want me to do?
At this point, you are asking women to not use their brains and be risk averse. So why did God give me these traits if I can't use it to look out for my wellbeing and that of the children whom I may bring into this world?
@Hodan from HR human life is insignificant in the grand scheme of things, live your best life inshallah. Single or married it doesn't matter, don't get stressed out 
@Hodan from HR Do you have a dream you want to fulfill? Try to focus on that, succeeding in goals are important
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