The effects of being fatherless

[die]

I wanted to contribute to this forum as I've been lurking since I've created an account. I'm writing this as it relates to me personally and I don't see these types of conversations being told in the perspective of people in these situations.

Me and my 2 siblings have been raised ONLY by my hooyo since my deadbeat dad left me at 1 years old, i'm currently 17. My hooyo had tried her best to fill in his boots. Personally I wouldn't say it had affected me TOO much as hooyaday aad ba xoog badan.

Though the effects are not too major, there still are some repercussions that have affected me as a person. For example I'm emotionally unavailable to people very close to me and I find talking about how I feel weird/gross, like I have a visceral reaction when I think about talking about my feelings to anyone. I would personally rather keep my feelings to myself. I'd say the only good effects would be the fact that I'm more comfortable being alone and I tend to figure stuff that would normally be taught to people by their father out on my own.

However, due to my lack of a male role model throughout my life it had made me less likely to consider being a parent when I grow up as I fear I might not be a good parent because I could potentially be emotionally unavailable or absent in their life.

Have you single mothered peeps felt that being raised without a father has effected your manhood noticeably?

 

[Abu Hesi]

Try to get in touch with your dad if possible and let it all out.

 

[Danakiil]

You should go to therapy or open up to close friends. Not even as a diss or anything in the sort but to let your emotions finally come out. Being emotionally inclosed like you are right now is not going to be do you any favors in the future.

 

[iskufilann]

I shouldn't be here but why don't you go to therapy? Speak to your friends and let it out. Honestly, if you keep it in for much longer, it can mess with your mind and before you know it, it'll turn out extremely serious! Hope you're okay!

 

[MansaMoose]

If you're truly in need of male role models, look around you man. There are good man everywhere find a club or organization about something you're passionate about this could be Sports, Art, or something you're passionate about. Find some older folk who seem rational and talk to them.

Talk to them about their experiences of being a man, a good man. not necessarily about how you feel. Aks them about the errors they've made while growing up and things they may regret and learn from their mistakes, so you don't have to experience them to find out.
Overall try to surround yourself with good men, successful men from whom you can learn, I'd recommend places like muslim communities as well since there is already a brotherhood build up once you enter a room full of Muslim men, you just have to find the ones you want to learn from. And walahi, Read books.

But before all this, you have to find something you're passionate about.

 

[Omar del Sur]

The best male role model is Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم. Then the sahaaba radi Allahu anhum.

What else is needed? I think go hang around pious Muslim men and see how they act.

Who else I think sets a very good example for men is Sheikh Fawzan. I think it is very inspiring how the man absolutely refuses to water down the din and very bravely states the truth without watering things down. If you watch him speak you can see.

Don't feel like somehow it makes you lesser if you grew up without your dad or something. Or you need a substitute father or something.

Maybe you grow up with your dad but he doesn't have knowledge and so he doesn't give the right guidance. Look to the people I mentioned.

I grew up without my dad and I got to know him when I was older. I am happy about it. The fathers need to be in the house, there is no doubt about it. But.... at the end of the day... did I become somehow more or less of a man because I got to know my dad and based on whether I'm in touch with him? I don't believe so. Whether you follow the right guidance is based on whether you follow the right guidance! Whether your dad has vanished like a ghost, is sitting next to you or passed away. It's ok to be sad if you don't get to spend time with him but never feel like you are limited if he isn't there, it isn't true.