Tales of the first wife.

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AceofSom

nx]\\0-9
I think their needs to be a law which says after 15 years of marriage, every man must marry another women, to keep the balance. At the moment its 1:4. :sass1:
 

Gibiin-Udug

Crowned Queen of Puntland. Supporter of PuntExit
Thank you for seeing it from out point of view, when a somali woman wants to get married she treats him like a king bug after marriage comes all the headache arguments about bullshit untill you finally lose your mind and divorce her. As soon as science develops realistic vaginas the world population will drop alot.


I changed my mind, I don't agree with it, @Duchess slapped some sense into me. :kanyecute:
 

Mercury

Ha igu daalinee dantaada raac
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This subject confuses me. When a Somali man or Muslim man seeks a second wife. One side of me feels angry for the first wife, how could he disregard her feelings and seek another stranger to marry, throw away all the trust that they were building, the home they built. The other side of me wonders, if this man was really happy in his home and satisfied with his wife, would he selfishly seek a second wife? If a man is happy in his home, gets treated with respect, I don't expect him to marry a second wife. As I got older I realized that most men are not happy in their home. Either the wife selfishly stopped taking care of herself and husband and put the kids first without realizing it. Or there's no LOVE in that home. I finally understand the need for Somali men to seek a second wife.


What do you think of this?

Is it only being fed up that prompts a man to marry the second or third time?

I think guys can find satisfaction with one woman as his wife as in most cases, I think it is a myth about men not feeling happy or satisfied with one woman. Islam allows a man to keep more than one wife... true but the responsibility doubles and the husband is supposed to support the wife and kids as before, how many men can do that?
The question is why does a woman stay with her husband? Lack of choices? or doesn't care as long as her needs are met?
 
There are ways to go about it. Marriages are not meant to be done in secret and hidden from the rest of the world. When it's done that way, it's haram, deceitful and the women feel cheated.
Why pretend? you'd still be against it even if he did it the right way. Honestly there's nothing in our diin that asks women to be in favor or tolerate polygamy it's all about the individual choice. You only have to recognize its halal and not ruin the chances of less fortunate women to be married and have kids
 

Duchess

HRH Duchess of Puntland, The Viscount of Garoowe
VIP
Why pretend? you'd still be against it even if he did it the right way. Honestly there's nothing in our diin that asks women to be in favor or tolerate polygamy it's all about the individual choice. You only have to recognize its halal and not ruin the chances of less fortunate women to be married and have kids

Don't talk to me about halal and haram when the marriage is done in secret and hidden from the world.:draketf:

"It's all about individual choice" you say but I guess that only applies to men, eh? You act like women don't have a choice in the matter. They do and they have every right to not want to be a participant in such an arrangement. A woman can even prevent her husband from seeking another wife explicitly in her marriage contract.

I'm all for charity and helping the less fortunate, that's why I volunteer at a soup kitchen during the Christmas holidays, but f*ck I look like sharing my husband? If she wants kids or a man, she can go adopt kids or pursue the other 3.5 billion men in the world. :drakekidding:
 
Its exactly what i said nothing in our diin force women to tolerate or accept polygamy it's her choice. Read before you post
Don't talk to me about halal and haram when the marriage is done in secret and hidden from the world.:draketf:

"It's all about individual choice" you say but I guess that only applies to men, eh? You act like women don't have a choice in the matter. They do and they have every right to not want to be a participant in such an arrangement. A woman can even prevent her husband from seeking another wife explicitly in her marriage contract.

I'm all for charity and helping the less fortunate, that's why I volunteer at a soup kitchen during the Christmas holidays, but f*ck I look like sharing my husband? If she wants kids or a man, she can go adopt kids or pursue the other 3.5 billion men in the world. :drakekidding:
 

Duchess

HRH Duchess of Puntland, The Viscount of Garoowe
VIP
Its exactly what i said nothing in our diin force women to tolerate or accept polygamy it's her choice. Read before you post

Okay, so what's the point of your post then? I pointed out a very troubling issue with many polygamous Somali relationships that questions the very validity of these secret marriages. I've even heard of men denying women they've married to their first wife and only admitting it after the marriage contract was shown to them. These are serious issues and must be addressed.
 

Hafez

VIP
Don't talk to me about halal and haram when the marriage is done in secret and hidden from the world.:draketf:

"It's all about individual choice" you say but I guess that only applies to men, eh? You act like women don't have a choice in the matter. They do and they have every right to not want to be a participant in such an arrangement. A woman can even prevent her husband from seeking another wife explicitly in her marriage contract.

I'm all for charity and helping the less fortunate, that's why I volunteer at a soup kitchen during the Christmas holidays, but f*ck I look like sharing my husband? If she wants kids or a man, she can go adopt kids or pursue the other 3.5 billion men in the world. :drakekidding:
The man doesn't have to inform his first wife. I don't see the reason not to inform the first wife though, unless the man is hiding something. Nonetheless, there's no shari' evidence to support the claim that the first wife must be informed. The woman can negotiate with her suitor before the marriage is consummated and prevent them from seeking a second wife as part of the marriage contract, that part is correct.

Anyway, stop being selfish. There are more women in the world than men. Think about the amount of men die in wars, reach old age and most importantly, men that are too poor and cannot afford to get married. A female can get married easily though, as it's not required of her to be the bread winner and provider for the family, women have no financial restraints.

The thought of agreeing with a marriage contract that prevents you from seeking a second wife...
:wtf::idontlike:
 
Okay, so what's the point of your post then? I pointed out a very troubling issue with many polygamous Somali relationships that questions the very validity of these secret marriages. I've even heard of men denying women they've married to their first wife and only admitting it after the marriage contract was shown to them. These are serious issues and must be addressed.
Whether it's secret or not you'd still be against it. majority of women don't want to share their husbands and it's perfectly halal and within her rights. The reason why I said that because I see alot of men use the diin to bully their wife to accept him pursuing another .
 

John Michael

Free my girl Jodi!
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The relationship breakdown is the responsibility of the man.

Also somali men are taking up extra wives just because they can, I was watching some somali 'sheikh' complaining about somali women being selfish with their incomes and its 'dhambi' not to helping their family. He was practically screaming saying it's unfair that woman are not contributing. Wallahi shameless. This is a 'sheikh'.

The modern Somali man couldn't give a toss about following sharia, unless it's for their disgusting shaxarinimo. Uff.
 

Siddhartha

future pirate king
VIP
The relationship breakdown is the responsibility of the man.

what an idiotic statement, do you know how hard women especially somali women are to deal with, women will throw tantrums as if they are children with no explanation.

And how is it disgusting, i could see it being disgusting if he cheated outside of marriage, but this is halal as ordained by Allah and his perfect religion, dont like it, simple dont marry a muslim man. :camby:
 

Siddhartha

future pirate king
VIP
:snoop: You keep repeating that as though it means something.

It's like me saying it's my right to be a trillionnaire, sure you can have four wives but will you get four wives? :russ:

Women are simple creatures just pretend to care about their bullshit and they get attached. Ofcourse it helps being 6 foot and well endowed
 
Sometimes I wonder about the women who are deceived like that don't they have brothers cousins to protect them?
I usually ask my self this because I grew up in predominantly female household. I had to look after my sisters and my female cousin since I was 12 y/o. That recently made me realize the disadvantages women are facing in this world esbacially somali women. So from now whenever I think of similar issues I ask myself would i want this to happen on family be it sister or cousin the answer is no. That gave me alot of clarity and I hope it does for others.
 
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