Sigmundd
IM.BACKKK
Here's the story below:
Two months ago my wife of 10 years (I'm 35 she was 34) tragically passed away in a car accident, hit by a drunk driver in broad daylight. I cried non stop for three days, we were planning on having kids and I had started a good paying job a year earlier and we just purchased our first home just two months before her death. I just couldn't and still can't believe she is really gone from my life, it's like just yesterday everything was heading in the right direction and would soon raise a family. She seemed happy in our marriage and stated how proud of me she was...
The following week after the accident I recieved her phone, which was locked. After a week I found out how to unlock it by an obvious code I didnt think of earlier. I simply just wanted it to keep photos in her memory, photos of us and so forth.
But I saw some odd things in her photos. Included photos of her in someone else's house, a house which I had never seen before, taking provocative images.
i continued scrolling down and seen the most heart wrenching thing I ever seen. Which was her with another man, it was nothing sexual but they were in a place that was obviously his. And just how close they were I just knew that this was an affair.
The guy who my wife had an affair with, showed up at her funeral. I felt like I got stabbed in the gut when I realized I seen him there.
i began reading her texts and first I found out that she was on her way back, from his place. 3 hours before the accident she text him saying "I'm on my way"
i Knew that meant he was the last one to see my wife. Not only see her but having an intimate moment with her, also she would still be here right now if she wasn't seeing him.
I feel like I'm going through a death of a loved one and a break up at the same time. She did this behind my back and will never know that I found out. In a way i feel she got to escape the heartbreak she put me through, although I fully understand death is much worse and even knowing everything I know, I would never ever wish this or any pain upon her.
I found out not only through her texts but her Facebook messages. Something that absolutely enrages me is that she told her closest friend that this guy from work wanted to take her out to dinner, her friend encouraged her to go out with him! It enrages me cause I knew her as well and in person she was always very nice. But my wife was asking her to get confirmation, had she said "NO you are married do not go out with him!" I honestly feel like she wouldn't have done it. But her best friend was like "oh is he hot? Oh do it!! Go have fun" its just fucking enraging. This happened 6 months ago when she asked her friend about it, a few days later she talked to her friend about how after dinner she went to his place and had sex multiple times. When I read that I honestly got physically sick. I honestly started going through a breakdown, vomiting in the toilet then crying on the bathroom floor. I just cant imagine that this stuff actually happened, but it did. How could she do this??
But as the days passed and the initial shock began to slowdown, I started piecing things together.
The funeral i noticed something a little unusual, which was this best friend of hers, talking to one of her coworkers. This was a friend from high school and there was no reason she should have known any of her coworkers. But she was infact talking to her coworker who she had the affair with. Then she came and talked to me, gave me a hug. The guy who my wife was having an affair with, came and shook my hand. Something about that just makes me feel sick. Like I was being humiliated in a moment of grief, there was him and her best friend who knew about her affair. I couldn't help but wonder, did her coworkers also know?
it's been a month and I feel no closer to breaking away from the heartbreak. I miss her, I want her to be alive, if she was I would probably even want to fix our marriage. But shes not here anymore. I still couldn't bring myself to read all of her texts messages with him, there is hundreds and some are sexually explicit. My blood boils and my heart aches when I open their texts and I get hit with anxiety and an adrenaline rush, palms get sweaty and hands shake. But I feel its important I knew everything. It just breaks my heart this guy did things with my wife, she would'nt do for me.
The thing that blows my mind the most is that there were no warning signs at all, not fucking one. Our marriage was good, she never did anything suspicious, our sex life went on as normal. Just zero warning signs about it other then the fact she started wearing a little more makeup then usual. Then I blame myself for not catching on, maybe this all could have been prevented, maybe I should have done this or that... I am broken and don't see myself ever being happy again.
Edit: Thanks everyone for all the support, I honestly didn't expect so much response. Every one who wished me well thank you and know that your kind words give me strength.
I have got a response back from her friend, stating that she is deeply sorry for encouraging the behavior and not taking my feelings into account. She never wanted me hurt and yadda yadda... honestly I dont feel any relief from her apologies.
About the phone, I can not bring myself to destroy all the truth. I feel like I must read through the entirety of my wife's texts with this man or i will forever go crazy wondering what did and didn't occur, how often and maybe get some answers on if they were lovers, was it just lust/sex or what did she plan on doing. Obviously in this state of truma I can not emotionally handle reading their conversations but I decided to keep the phone, to read it all and then toss it and move on.
Also for people telling me to piss on her grave, or saying this is karma please drop it and dont comment. I loved her for over a decade and it's not going away like that, I still love this women even with the disgusting things she has done, she was still my wife, a daughter and an aunt. She didn't deserve to get hit by some drunk driver and suffer with bleeding her brain that ultimately caused her death. Please go away I do not need this and I am not a sick minded enough man to have those thoughts.
For everyone else, thank you so much.
RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP
>Sorry to hear that. It is the worst thing that could happen, grieving over her while dealing with her infidelity at the same time. I'm emotionally scarred, I will never be the same and dealing with the loss of a loved one doesn't go away because she cheated, it just makes it much worse.
Decorum1 commented
>Is her affair partner married?
>When are you going to tell the friend that you found out, and that you know she encouraged her to do it?
OOP replied
>No he isnt married, appears that he was and is still single.
>I already told her, she first told me she was very sorry to hear that she did that, but that I shouldn't "tarnish her reputation" by telling
I cant say anything has gotten better, especially during this epidemic where I'm stuck not working now. Just too much time.
Anyway, people mentioned getting in touch with my wife's companies HR about her coworker whom she was having an affair with(he is single). I have done this and I asked about it and they said there was no policy against coworkers getting romantically involved as long as it is off work. I kind of figured this was the case, as much as I want to get him fired and ruin his life, it was infact consensual and their affair was off the clock so, I understand that there is nothing they can do, I didn't think there was.
I sent a screenshot of the message of her friend encouraging her to her boyfriend on Facebook. He replied that he is sorry for what happened to me, but that she didn't think she would actually do it, that I shouldn't blame his GF for my wife's affair or death. So I guess it's dead end there as I am talking to a door nob who believes what ever his GF says.
I got a ton of suggestions about posting her texts and messages to publicize what she did. I am NOT going to do this and I really dont understand the point of doing it, she is gone and has no consequences left to suffer, no justice will be served. She is gone, I will only be making this more difficult for her family. Besides it's not really anyone else's business, even if she was alive.
So I decided to go through all her texts with him and her other friends. I was going to wait longer before looking but I just couldn't sleep, I couldnt seem to move on from wondering, how, where, why and not having any answers.
Her entire conversation with him was still there from their first and last texts.
Little bit of good news is she expressed guilt (although not right away) about the affair and after meeting him the second time for sex she expressed guilt and she told him that she can't continue seeing him. But of course it would continue. Their conversations would range from her being very close to him, sending heart filled messages to next thing totally ignoring him. But she would sometimes apologize for ignoring him, which obviously angered me.
Bad news is she appears to have been much more sexually exploratory with him. She also smoked weed with him which I never seen her do. I found he had anal sex with her, more then once. Yet its something she never let me do. She also had him sleep in our bed on the night i went to visit my brother.
Also she gave him head while he drove to get lunch on their lunch break, she talked about it like it was funny. This isn't something I was ready for, I began shaking and puking, it gave me a severe anxiety attack and I resorted to drinking last night, cause it was just too much. I feel like he took her from me, like he killed her because she would be alive if she didn't go to his place.
CONTINUE DOWN BELOW
Two months ago my wife of 10 years (I'm 35 she was 34) tragically passed away in a car accident, hit by a drunk driver in broad daylight. I cried non stop for three days, we were planning on having kids and I had started a good paying job a year earlier and we just purchased our first home just two months before her death. I just couldn't and still can't believe she is really gone from my life, it's like just yesterday everything was heading in the right direction and would soon raise a family. She seemed happy in our marriage and stated how proud of me she was...
The following week after the accident I recieved her phone, which was locked. After a week I found out how to unlock it by an obvious code I didnt think of earlier. I simply just wanted it to keep photos in her memory, photos of us and so forth.
But I saw some odd things in her photos. Included photos of her in someone else's house, a house which I had never seen before, taking provocative images.
i continued scrolling down and seen the most heart wrenching thing I ever seen. Which was her with another man, it was nothing sexual but they were in a place that was obviously his. And just how close they were I just knew that this was an affair.
The guy who my wife had an affair with, showed up at her funeral. I felt like I got stabbed in the gut when I realized I seen him there.
i began reading her texts and first I found out that she was on her way back, from his place. 3 hours before the accident she text him saying "I'm on my way"
i Knew that meant he was the last one to see my wife. Not only see her but having an intimate moment with her, also she would still be here right now if she wasn't seeing him.
I feel like I'm going through a death of a loved one and a break up at the same time. She did this behind my back and will never know that I found out. In a way i feel she got to escape the heartbreak she put me through, although I fully understand death is much worse and even knowing everything I know, I would never ever wish this or any pain upon her.
I found out not only through her texts but her Facebook messages. Something that absolutely enrages me is that she told her closest friend that this guy from work wanted to take her out to dinner, her friend encouraged her to go out with him! It enrages me cause I knew her as well and in person she was always very nice. But my wife was asking her to get confirmation, had she said "NO you are married do not go out with him!" I honestly feel like she wouldn't have done it. But her best friend was like "oh is he hot? Oh do it!! Go have fun" its just fucking enraging. This happened 6 months ago when she asked her friend about it, a few days later she talked to her friend about how after dinner she went to his place and had sex multiple times. When I read that I honestly got physically sick. I honestly started going through a breakdown, vomiting in the toilet then crying on the bathroom floor. I just cant imagine that this stuff actually happened, but it did. How could she do this??
But as the days passed and the initial shock began to slowdown, I started piecing things together.
The funeral i noticed something a little unusual, which was this best friend of hers, talking to one of her coworkers. This was a friend from high school and there was no reason she should have known any of her coworkers. But she was infact talking to her coworker who she had the affair with. Then she came and talked to me, gave me a hug. The guy who my wife was having an affair with, came and shook my hand. Something about that just makes me feel sick. Like I was being humiliated in a moment of grief, there was him and her best friend who knew about her affair. I couldn't help but wonder, did her coworkers also know?
it's been a month and I feel no closer to breaking away from the heartbreak. I miss her, I want her to be alive, if she was I would probably even want to fix our marriage. But shes not here anymore. I still couldn't bring myself to read all of her texts messages with him, there is hundreds and some are sexually explicit. My blood boils and my heart aches when I open their texts and I get hit with anxiety and an adrenaline rush, palms get sweaty and hands shake. But I feel its important I knew everything. It just breaks my heart this guy did things with my wife, she would'nt do for me.
The thing that blows my mind the most is that there were no warning signs at all, not fucking one. Our marriage was good, she never did anything suspicious, our sex life went on as normal. Just zero warning signs about it other then the fact she started wearing a little more makeup then usual. Then I blame myself for not catching on, maybe this all could have been prevented, maybe I should have done this or that... I am broken and don't see myself ever being happy again.
Edit: Thanks everyone for all the support, I honestly didn't expect so much response. Every one who wished me well thank you and know that your kind words give me strength.
I have got a response back from her friend, stating that she is deeply sorry for encouraging the behavior and not taking my feelings into account. She never wanted me hurt and yadda yadda... honestly I dont feel any relief from her apologies.
About the phone, I can not bring myself to destroy all the truth. I feel like I must read through the entirety of my wife's texts with this man or i will forever go crazy wondering what did and didn't occur, how often and maybe get some answers on if they were lovers, was it just lust/sex or what did she plan on doing. Obviously in this state of truma I can not emotionally handle reading their conversations but I decided to keep the phone, to read it all and then toss it and move on.
Also for people telling me to piss on her grave, or saying this is karma please drop it and dont comment. I loved her for over a decade and it's not going away like that, I still love this women even with the disgusting things she has done, she was still my wife, a daughter and an aunt. She didn't deserve to get hit by some drunk driver and suffer with bleeding her brain that ultimately caused her death. Please go away I do not need this and I am not a sick minded enough man to have those thoughts.
For everyone else, thank you so much.
RELEVANT COMMENTS FROM OOP
>Sorry to hear that. It is the worst thing that could happen, grieving over her while dealing with her infidelity at the same time. I'm emotionally scarred, I will never be the same and dealing with the loss of a loved one doesn't go away because she cheated, it just makes it much worse.
Decorum1 commented
>Is her affair partner married?
>When are you going to tell the friend that you found out, and that you know she encouraged her to do it?
OOP replied
>No he isnt married, appears that he was and is still single.
>I already told her, she first told me she was very sorry to hear that she did that, but that I shouldn't "tarnish her reputation" by telling
I cant say anything has gotten better, especially during this epidemic where I'm stuck not working now. Just too much time.
Anyway, people mentioned getting in touch with my wife's companies HR about her coworker whom she was having an affair with(he is single). I have done this and I asked about it and they said there was no policy against coworkers getting romantically involved as long as it is off work. I kind of figured this was the case, as much as I want to get him fired and ruin his life, it was infact consensual and their affair was off the clock so, I understand that there is nothing they can do, I didn't think there was.
I sent a screenshot of the message of her friend encouraging her to her boyfriend on Facebook. He replied that he is sorry for what happened to me, but that she didn't think she would actually do it, that I shouldn't blame his GF for my wife's affair or death. So I guess it's dead end there as I am talking to a door nob who believes what ever his GF says.
I got a ton of suggestions about posting her texts and messages to publicize what she did. I am NOT going to do this and I really dont understand the point of doing it, she is gone and has no consequences left to suffer, no justice will be served. She is gone, I will only be making this more difficult for her family. Besides it's not really anyone else's business, even if she was alive.
So I decided to go through all her texts with him and her other friends. I was going to wait longer before looking but I just couldn't sleep, I couldnt seem to move on from wondering, how, where, why and not having any answers.
Her entire conversation with him was still there from their first and last texts.
Little bit of good news is she expressed guilt (although not right away) about the affair and after meeting him the second time for sex she expressed guilt and she told him that she can't continue seeing him. But of course it would continue. Their conversations would range from her being very close to him, sending heart filled messages to next thing totally ignoring him. But she would sometimes apologize for ignoring him, which obviously angered me.
Bad news is she appears to have been much more sexually exploratory with him. She also smoked weed with him which I never seen her do. I found he had anal sex with her, more then once. Yet its something she never let me do. She also had him sleep in our bed on the night i went to visit my brother.
Also she gave him head while he drove to get lunch on their lunch break, she talked about it like it was funny. This isn't something I was ready for, I began shaking and puking, it gave me a severe anxiety attack and I resorted to drinking last night, cause it was just too much. I feel like he took her from me, like he killed her because she would be alive if she didn't go to his place.
CONTINUE DOWN BELOW
