Strong, Independent, Women

[YourBroMoe]

No I'm not a man but I thought you called me one and the 2nd wife would be a female

So you're the husband? If she's the 2nd wife, how's the 1st bisexual?

 

[Balqisa]

So you're the husband? If she's the 2nd wife, how's the 1st bisexual?

Ah just forget it I misunderstood what you said

 

[Gooney112]

That’s one of the problems of Somali marriages, you shouldn’t be rushing into a marriage to begin with. But that’s an aside, bc if you plan on entering a marriage, you should be saving up for it long before you’ve come to that bridge. You should be saving regardless, for yourself! Even if you’re nowhere near ready now, or are unsure if it’s something you’d want to pursue, you still don’t want a lack of foresight to get in the way down the line.

With my brothers, they were saving right out of Uni and paid the bulk of their expenses, they thought it was stupid but my folks forced us all into getting into the habit of saving in general. My family helped with trivial stuff. I don’t think weddings should be outrageously expensive. It’s not worth spending a ridiculous amount of cash on a one-time event. Frankly, it’s a red-flag if the person has no sense of delayed gratification and has no discipline in saving and yet wants to start a family, and we all know Somalis typically get right the f*ck into it. Finances are the #1 headache in marriages, so it’s a consideration. And if she wants to split it, by all means

Somali weddings are basically show off and its always the girl putting pressure on the guy to have the most expansive wedding. Wallahi most somalis have no long term plans when they get married. Hell my last relationship ended because of this. Girl wanted massive wedding and start to say if you cared you would show. I have been saving for few years now and want to start my own business. I said lets have a small wedding and spend our money on something more beneficial for our future. Naah you are cheap, you should show your life and you only get married once. Her mum even called me one day and once I explained my future goals I thought she would say it make sense. Instead she preached to me about the importance of a wedding for a female to feel special and I should fork out. Tbh I kinda had doubt before hand, but once it became clear we dont see money the same way I knew we would never work

 

[nine]

Sidi

VixR is one of the few "strong and independent Somali women" on this forum and she is making a logical claim that a Farah can't be relied upon and the marriage could disintegrate anytime because of his fault and thus, the wedding expenses and meher are for insurance purposes. How do you respond to that?

I am not paying for a wedding for me to invite my whole sub clan and her whole sub clan and pay a shit ton of money. We will go to the sheikh and done. Only a few close people. I am not feeding 500 zoomaalis @Sidi Dirir

 

[VixR]

Somali weddings are basically show off and its always the girl putting pressure on the guy to have the most expansive wedding. Wallahi most somalis have no long term plans when they get married. Hell my last relationship ended because of this. Girl wanted massive wedding and start to say if you cared you would show. I have been saving for few years now and want to start my own business. I said lets have a small wedding and spend our money on something more beneficial for our future. Naah you are cheap, you should show your life and you only get married once. Her mum even called me one day and once I explained my future goals I thought she would say it make sense. Instead she preached to me about the importance of a wedding for a female to feel special and I should fork out. Tbh I kinda had doubt before hand, but once it became clear we dont see money the same way I knew we would never work

Well, that’s incredibly shortsighted. If that was the whole of the conflict, I’d say she was getting married for the sake of it and it could’ve been anyone, which there’s a lot of that. And some ppl really do use that as a barometer for what they mean to you, or even their self worth, bc the community also judges them by how much their mehr was and what their wedding cost. But keeping up with the Joneses doesn’t get you anywhere, and it doesn’t even make you happy.