Strange familial relationships

[AliUK]

I was wondering if anyone has a bad or strange relationship with a family member or friend thatt they wished could be better?

PS this thread is mainly just to vent my frustrations.

Most conversations with my mum turn to how she was doing this and this at my age and i aint doing 10% of what she did the and how she has such a big name in the community that I ain't living up to somehow.

Feels like every convo we have had for the last 10 years is her criticising me. Even the 2 proudest days of my life when I paid for hajj for us and our house were ruined by her criticising me for many small reasons like the paint of one room and the airline we was using.

Shit is mentally draining, to the extent I try not to spend too much time at the house for it.

 

[nerdyunicorn]

im sorry you had to experience that

 

[Radical]

A lot of Somali mums tend to focus on the negative side of things, please don't try arguing with her cause I've seen people do it and it just leads to nothing but a bad relationship and savage insults from hooyo, even if you were a president they'd still see your flaws and unlike most people you encounter in life they will not try to hide it from you and say you're doing a good job.

these harsh criticisms are what made the tough men our history was known for, and who knows maybe you wouldn't have accomplished the things you said if your hooyo wasn't pushing you to your limits.

Just try to stay calm so that whenever this topic pops up you'll give a little nod and say "Haye Hooyo" because it's the best thing you can do in that situation, Yes things were different back then and you could try telling her that but trying to change thousands of years of inherent ancestral trait is like convincing a brick wall.

 

[VixR]

My uncle.

That’s all you can do, really, is try to stay out of their way to minimize conflict and headache.

Ppl from that era can’t change now. They’re old and set in their ways.

 

[Muji]

@AliUK im sorry to hear that. If she really is like that constantly then it’s better for your relationship with her and your mental health to move out.

Side note: didn’t you say you would never marry a woman your mother didn’t like? If your mother is hypercritical about you I doubt she will go easy on your wife. I’ve seen a lot of cases where tensioned relations with mother in laws ruined a mariage.

 

[ajod tac]

I was wondering if anyone has a bad or strange relationship with a family member or friend thatt they wished could be better?

PS this thread is mainly just to vent my frustrations.

Most conversations with my mum turn to how she was doing this and this at my age and i aint doing 10% of what she did the and how she has such a big name in the community that I ain't living up to somehow.

Feels like every convo we have had for the last 10 years is her criticising me. Even the 2 proudest days of my life when I paid for hajj for us and our house were ruined by her criticising me for many small reasons like the paint of one room and the airline we was using.

Shit is mentally draining, to the extent I try not to spend too much time at the house for it.

I'm really sorry to hear this because I know how it feels. But, at least you can spend time OUT of the house...

 

[Shushue]

Lots of mental issue in Somali families

 

[Inquisitive_]

You'll never repay your mum even if you were to carry her on your back to Hajj, so don't be fooled by getting big-headed thinking you have somehow repaid her and as a result owe her special gratitude.

Consistent criticism is the result of a bad relationship which stems from your behaviour and actions, it's usually a neglect of some type, usually not spending enough time having meaningful conversations with her.

This is more important to them then throwing money at them and expect them to be happy with you as a result, it works with your materialistic wife but not your mother.

You should be more worried when mothers stop doing this because that means they have lost complete hope in you and no longer care, people in such predicaments long for what you have.

 

[Soomaali1987]

I was wondering if anyone has a bad or strange relationship with a family member or friend thatt they wished could be better?

PS this thread is mainly just to vent my frustrations.

Most conversations with my mum turn to how she was doing this and this at my age and i aint doing 10% of what she did the and how she has such a big name in the community that I ain't living up to somehow.

Feels like every convo we have had for the last 10 years is her criticising me. Even the 2 proudest days of my life when I paid for hajj for us and our house were ruined by her criticising me for many small reasons like the paint of one room and the airline we was using.

Shit is mentally draining, to the extent I try not to spend too much time at the house for it.

She will be dead soon so you ether take the verbal abuse and pass to your children or you move out and dont call anymore!

 

[Geeljire Sandheer]

I have the same issue with my parents they are always criticizing. I just ignore them no reaction is the best way when i used to react to their criticism it used to lead to some dumb arguments. I dont even speak to 6 of my siblings it doesnt matter about siblings you dont owe them shit but when it comes to parents you cant cut them off or you will be caasi walid.

 

[Muji]

You'll never repay your mum even if you were to carry her on your back to Hajj, so don't be fooled by getting big-headed thinking you have somehow repaid her and as a result owe her special gratitude.

Consistent criticism is the result of a bad relationship which stems from your behaviour and actions, it's usually a neglect of some type, usually not spending enough time having meaningful conversations with her.

This is more important to them then throwing money at them and expect them to be happy with you as a result, it works with your materialistic wife but not your mother.

You should be more worried when mothers stop doing this because that means they have lost complete hope in you and no longer care, people in such predicaments long for what you have.

@Steamdevolopment its always the hyper religious people like this who give the worst advice. Always victim blaming “ask yourself what did you do to receive the abuse”


He believes a mother constantly it picking and abusing her own son will turn him in to a man. what will actually happen is he will either snap or have a breakdown. he will also pick up her toxic and will behave like this to his own children.

 

[AliUK]

@AliUK im sorry to hear that. If she really is like that constantly then it’s better for your relationship with her and your mental health to move out.

Side note: didn’t you say you would never marry a woman your mother didn’t like? If your mother is hypercritical about you I doubt she will go easy on your wife. I’ve seen a lot of cases where tensioned relations with mother in laws ruined a mariage.

My mum isn't like that with my brother in law and future sister in law. She is quite chill with them. She actually gets very annoyed if my sister come home too much, she is like why are you back here every day if you got a home and a partner. She wants for us to be responsible.

I think her way of doing it, is however very sad. Our happiest moments should be just that but i can't help but think she ruined them to an extent.

 

[AliUK]

You'll never repay your mum even if you were to carry her on your back to Hajj, so don't be fooled by getting big-headed thinking you have somehow repaid her and as a result owe her special gratitude.

Consistent criticism is the result of a bad relationship which stems from your behaviour and actions, it's usually a neglect of some type, usually not spending enough time having meaningful conversations with her.

This is more important to them then throwing money at them and expect them to be happy with you as a result, it works with your materialistic wife but not your mother.

You should be more worried when mothers stop doing this because that means they have lost complete hope in you and no longer care, people in such predicaments long for what you have.

I understand but I don't fit this criteria. I used to work overtime when younger just to get a well done. It was only when I was older that I realised that my mum just isn't built like that.

I haven't done anything bad that she knows and is ashamed of.

I didn't expect that paying for a few things means that i have paid her back, far from it. However a little gratitude would have been nice.

 

[GoldmanSachs]

To be perfectly honest with you, I wouldn't say it's entirely her fault that she ended up this way. This is likely a cycle that was passed down to her and know she is passing down to you. As the moron above demonstrates, in Somali culture people just stop short of calling parents a god that should be worshiped. If a parent murders their child out of extreme anger, they won't share any of the blame and the people will pile on the innocent and harmless child for provoking their parent because nothing is never the parent's fault. You literally have a cadre of people on here who claim all Somali fathers are perfect and the best, and the notion that deadbeat fathers are the majority in the community is an aberration and a strange figment of our imagination.


There's a reason you're going on anonymous forum to vent about this instead of to your closest friends and other family members.

 

[Muji]

To be perfectly honest with you, I wouldn't say it's entirely her fault that she ended up this way. This is likely a cycle that was passed down to her and know she is passing down to you. As the moron above demonstrates, in Somali culture people just stop short of calling parents a god that should be worshiped. If a parent murders their child out of extreme anger, they won't share any of the blame and the people will pile on the innocent and harmless child for provoking their parent because nothing is never the parent's fault. You literally have a cadre of people on here who claim all Somali fathers are perfect and the best, and the notion that deadbeat fathers are the majority in the community is an aberration and a strange figment of our imagination.


There's a reason you're going on anonymous forum to vent about this instead of to your closest friends and other family members.

Who is the moron above ?

@Inquisitive_

 

[El qashin]

They'll always compare to the "wadaad" kids not knowing half of the shit they get up to. If I told my mum half the shit my cousin (who she compares me to) does ,she'd have a heart attack. But I ain't no snitch

 

[Kudhufo Kadhaqaq]

Doesn't almost all Somali mothers do that kinda shit?

Somali mothers are toxic sxb. Just move out if u can bro, believe me u will be a happy man.

 

[Snake]

My mum threatened a divorce with my dad just because he supported my brother moving away from home to go to uni. Somali mothers are toxic is an understatement. They're controlling and manipulative

 

[Kudhufo Kadhaqaq]

Somali mothers are toxic is an understatement. They're controlling and manipulative

I absolutely agree brother.

 

[kickz]

Doesn't almost all Somali mothers do that kinda shit?

Somali mothers are toxic sxb. Just move out if u can bro, believe me u will be a happy man.

I don't think its fair to generalize, my hooyo is the opposite of this and usually coddles me and never really criticizes me.

My grandma on the other hand will point out flaws to peoples face even if she just met them for the first time.