Somali women marrying Somali men back home

K

Kaaha_Nuura

Do you know of anyone personally that has married a Somali man back home, how did it go?

I'm simply asking because I'm considering someone back home and I'm slightly frightened of the process that is to come. It's generally easier to get to know someone here (I live in Europe) and there is not much hassle and cost that goes into meeting a potential over a coffee.

I don't know why but just thinking about me travelling to the motherland just so we can see one another sounds daunting and a lot of effort to put in, when it's not certain that it will work. I'm not worried about him, as he is not a fob and is an educated man. Just the process is huge 'risk' for me

What if it doesn't work out then I return to the UK and I'm back to square one :( I'm a couple years away from 30 so the anxiety is through the roof.

Am I overthinking things and need to be more hopeful?
 
Lebron James

Lebron James

4 Time NBA Champion
VIP
Kaaha_Nuura said:
as he is not a fob and is an educated man.
Click to expand...
what-do-you-mean-by-that.gif
 
Siddhartha

Siddhartha

future pirate king
VIP
Kaaha_Nuura said:
Do you know of anyone personally that has married a Somali man back home, how did it go?

I'm simply asking because I'm considering someone back home and I'm slightly frightened of the process that is to come. It's generally easier to get to know someone here (I live in Europe) and there is not much hassle and cost that goes into meeting a potential over a coffee.

I don't know why but just thinking about me travelling to the motherland just so we can see one another sounds daunting and a lot of effort to put in, when it's not certain that it will work. I'm not worried about him, as he is not a fob and is an educated man. Just the process is huge 'risk' for me

What if it doesn't work out then I return to the UK and I'm back to square one :( I'm a couple years away from 30 so the anxiety is through the roof.

Am I overthinking things and need to be more hopeful?
Click to expand...

Why havent you met someone where youre from in the 10+ years youve been an adult?
 
Somalib

Somalib

Kaaha_Nuura said:
Do you know of anyone personally that has married a Somali man back home, how did it go?

I'm simply asking because I'm considering someone back home and I'm slightly frightened of the process that is to come. It's generally easier to get to know someone here (I live in Europe) and there is not much hassle and cost that goes into meeting a potential over a coffee.

I don't know why but just thinking about me travelling to the motherland just so we can see one another sounds daunting and a lot of effort to put in, when it's not certain that it will work. I'm not worried about him, as he is not a fob and is an educated man. Just the process is huge 'risk' for me

What if it doesn't work out then I return to the UK and I'm back to square one :( I'm a couple years away from 30 so the anxiety is through the roof.

Am I overthinking things and need to be more hopeful?
Click to expand...
Aren’t most fobs there broke? Why would you wanna marry them? You should go higher. You’re a couple years away from 30? Lol, that’s still young. Even 35 and 40 is young. Don’t worry about it you’ll find someone
 
Enter

Enter

Weirdly enough one of two couple not from my parents generation that I would deem successful. She's friends with a young aunt, and they all clowned her when she married him. 7 years isn't a long time, but a life time for the under 40 crowd
 
Rorschach

Rorschach

...
@Kaaha_Nuura

It’s daunting but you will do fine walaal.

Just remember not to feel pressured into acceptance due to the “spent cost” i.e. the effort you put in to travel there. Location doesn’t matter - if it was meant to be then let it be.

Pray istikhaara if you feel uncertain.

I’m rooting for you!

P.S. 28yo in 2022 is totally different to a couple of decades ago. Don’t stress girl you’re still relatively young.
 
A

Angelina

VIP
1. Marrying out of fear because you're feeling as though you're running out of time can take you down a path you'll regret. When you operate from a place of fear, you don't always make rational choices. Put your trust in Allah and remember that your timeline isn't in your hands. Once you operate from that mindset, you'll make much better decisions.

2. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Beware, he could be basaboor doon. The thing is, a lot of people from back home are obsessed with leaving Somalia and going to Europe or America.. You're a golden ticket that will open up a lot of closed doors. In the current world that we live in, your passport is the hottest commodity out there. That is the reality, but if he is a stand-up guy, who also has his own wealth, then the likelihood of him using you is slimmer. But you don't know his situation 100% so you need to be prepared with the fact that he might be simply using you. So, in the mean time get to know other Western Faraxs.

3. Double check EVERYTHING he tells you. No offense to Somalis back in Africa, but they're a lot more slicker with their lies and have a lot more charisma and shall I say, the gift of the gab. Shukansi for them doesn't have to entail honesty, like it does in the West. They'll say whatever they think will make you choose them. You've heard of the Somali saying reel her in with lies and be honest whilst married? Guys in the West might have their issues, but they're suprisingly a lot less calculating and are more honest and innocent with regards to their motives and feelings. There is a lot more transparency in Western Somali relationships, compared to back home.

4. Make lots of dua and pray istikhara. Ask Allah to give you the best possible spouse, whether he is a Somali guy in the East or the West. Just hope whoever he is a great match and keep an open mind!
 
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A

Angelina

VIP
Rorschach said:
@Kaaha_Nuura

It’s daunting but you will do fine walaal.

Just remember not to feel pressured into acceptance due to the “spent cost” i.e. the effort you put in to travel there. Location doesn’t matter - if it was meant to be then let it be.

Pray istikhaara if you feel uncertain.

I’m rooting for you!

P.S. 28yo in 2022 is totally different to a couple of decades ago. Don’t stress girl you’re still relatively young.
Click to expand...
Lovely advice!
 
K

Kaaha_Nuura

Angelina said:
1. Marrying out of fear because you're feeling as though you're running out of time can take you down a path you'll regret. When you operate from a place of fear, you don't always make rational choices. Put your trust in Allah and remember that your timeline isn't in your hands. Once you operate from that mindset, you'll make much better decisions.

2. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Beware, he could be basaboor doon. The thing is, a lot of people from back home are obsessed with leaving Somalia and going to Europe or America.. You're a golden ticket that will open up a lot of closed doors. In the current world that we live in, your passport is the hottest commodity out there. That is the reality, but if he is a stand-up guy, who also has his own wealth, then the likelihood of him using you is slimmer. But you don't know his situation 100% so you need to be prepared with the fact that he might be simply using you. So, in the mean time get to know other Western Faraxs.

3. Double check EVERYTHING he tells you. No offense to Somalis back in Africa, but they're a lot more slicker with their lies and have a lot more charisma and shall I say, the gift of the gab. Shukansi for them doesn't have to entail honesty, like it does in the West. They'll say whatever they think will make you choose them. You've heard of the Somali saying reel her in with lies and be honest whilst married? Guys in the West might have their issues, but they're suprisingly a lot less calculating and are more honest and innocent with regards to their motives and feelings. There is a lot more transparency in Western Somali relationships, compared to back home.

4. Make lots of dua and pray istikhara. Ask Allah to give you the best possible spouse, whether he is a Somali guy in the East or the West. Just hope whoever he is a great match and keep an open mind!
Click to expand...
Absolutely solid advice May Allah reward you.

One thing I know for certain is that he isn't a basaboor doon because he has many opportunities to go before me. And yes I will be double checking everything 😂
 
K

Kaaha_Nuura

Rorschach said:
@Kaaha_Nuura

It’s daunting but you will do fine walaal.

Just remember not to feel pressured into acceptance due to the “spent cost” i.e. the effort you put in to travel there. Location doesn’t matter - if it was meant to be then let it be.

Pray istikhaara if you feel uncertain.

I’m rooting for you!

P.S. 28yo in 2022 is totally different to a couple of decades ago. Don’t stress girl you’re still relatively young.
Click to expand...
Thank you soo much!!

It's very daunting but I have hope in Allah swt that He can make it easy upon us
 
I

Indeed

The hypocrisy, when we men say we want to marry the ladies back home, some of you western born ladies say, “you want a maid to be your wife” etc, come on, allow the hypocrisy. More men are choosing to marry back home.
 
Unbothered

Unbothered

My friend married a guy from back home, now she works two jobs to take care of him and pay her bills and God know if that man using her for passport.
Anyway if you wanna take the chance to play the role of the provider go for it, organic Faraxis are opportunists anyway .
 
T

Taij4an

Unbothered said:
My friend married a guy from back home, now she works two jobs to take care of him and pay her bills and God know if that man using her for passport.
Anyway if you wanna take the chance to play the role of the provider go for it, organic Faraxis are opportunists anyway .
Click to expand...
Idk why but I never trust a girl with a hoe as her pfp or some random madow women.
Its gives me immediate liberal xalimo vibes
 
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