Somali women how would you like to be courted?

[Odious Delirium]

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I agree with everything you have said I'm just seeing what the women have to say I'm not necessarily going to apply what I'm told here I'm just trying to see things from the woman's perspective and I'm not doing anything until 1-2 years from now anyways.

 

[ziakidaa]

I keep seeing the word sassy being throw about what do you mean by that? And are you referring to somali men or men in general as in is your type exclusively somali men or do you prefer other types of guys?

As for the courting point I don't think somali men want to be courted per se I believe a lot of them feel that somali women aren't interested so they simply don't take the steps needed to court one unless she shows interest.

Do you get approached more by somali men or men of other groups?

I only prefer Somali men, but I don’t live in an area with a large Somali community any more - so in regards to your latter question, it’s mainly non-somali. What I mean by they want to be courted is that they want to be chased, which I find really bizarre. I mean….a man should be the ones doing it by traditional standards but the truth of the matter is that’s not how society works anymore, so I digress.
Also I’m not saying this is all Somali men, maybe just the ones I’ve come across - speaking from personal experience and shared anecdotes from other Somali girls I know.

Also what do you mean they don’t take the steps unless they know she’s interested? Making prolonged eye contact isn’t really a step, asking for someone’s Snapchat isnt a step.
It’s not very common for them to approach women, they’ll send a dm or like your picture to attract your attention lolmaybe I’m old fashioned but that’s such a feminine thing to do. If interest is directly expressed, it can be reciprocated - but it’s often not directly expressed, it’s usually vague hints or something.

 

[Odious Delirium]

Also what do you mean they don’t take the steps unless they know she’s interested? Making prolonged eye contact isn’t really a step, asking for someone’s Snapchat isnt a step.
It’s not very common for them to approach women, they’ll send a dm or like your picture to attract your attention lolmaybe I’m old fashioned but that’s such a feminine thing to do. If interest is directly expressed, it can be reciprocated - but it’s often not directly expressed, it’s usually vague hints or something.

By steps I mean courting so actually approaching you in person after you showed interest.

Idk about sending dms and liking pictures either that's what I would say is what the woman would do to show interest and after the guy sees that he takes the steps to approach you now that interest has been shown.

 

[ziakidaa]

By steps I mean courting so actually approaching you in person after you showed interest.

Idk about sending dms and liking pictures either that's what I would say is what the woman would do to show interest and after the guy sees that he takes the steps to approach you now that interest has been shown.

I’m just curious - How do you want us to show interest? Like what’s a clear indication of interest that we can show so there’s no miscommunication or confusion?

 

[Odious Delirium]

I’m just curious - How do you want us to show interest? Like what’s a clear indication of interest that we can show so there’s no miscommunication or confusion?

The best way for a woman to go about it is to do what khadjiah did; send one of your friends over and make her ask the guy what they think about you/if they like you etc (the clearer the message the better). That way you will know yourself if the guy is interested or not and if he isn't, your friends can play it off based on his reply that way no awkwardness is created on either side (this is how the prophet got married to khadjiah). If the guy likes you he will take the hint and will know your interested and will take the step to court you leave it to him at that point. He will take it from there by actually approaching you/asking you out on a date etc. I guess that's the way to go about it irl if you want results.

Simply smiling at him or trying to make eye contact doesn't work for me since I try to lower my gaze for the most part so I simply do not see those "hints" at all and in general guys aren't trying to misconstrue kindness for attraction most simply cant tell the difference so they keep there distance. Also I guess they are not trying to get there feelings hurt by the possible rejection if they were to try the cold approach.


Online I guess you just dm or when you are dmed don't play hard to get if you are actually interested. I don't have any experience when it come to courting online since I don't really use soical media like that besides sspot occasionally so I don't really know what to say on that front.

 

[ziakidaa]

The best way for a woman to go about it is to do what khadjiah did; send one of your friends over and make her ask the guy what they think about you/if they like you etc (the clearer the message the better). That way you will know yourself if the guy is interested or not and if he isn't, your friends can play it off based on his reply that way no awkwardness is created on either side (this is how the prophet got married to khadjiah). If the guy likes you he will take the hint and will know your interested and will take the step to court you leave it to him at that point. He will take it from there by actually approaching you/asking you out on a date etc. I guess that's the way to go about it irl if you want results.

Simply smiling at him or trying to make eye contact doesn't work for me since I try to lower my gaze for the most part so I simply do not see those "hints" at all and in general guys aren't trying to misconstrue kindness for attraction most simply cant tell the difference so they keep there distance. Also I guess they are not trying to get there feelings hurt by the possible rejection if they were to try the cold approach.


Online I guess you just dm or when you are dmed don't play hard to get if you are actually interested. I don't have any experience when it come to courting online since I don't really use soical media like that besides sspot occasionally so I don't really know what to say on that front.

Thanks, that’s actually a brilliant example - lol I’ll keep that in mind for future reference. Having a friend take on that responsibility does prevent the discomfort of rejection and the awkwardness of approaching someone I guess I always just assumed men would think you’re lacking confidence if you have your friends take on the initiative.
Thanks!

 

[Odious Delirium]

I always just assumed men would think you’re lacking confidence if you have your friends take on the initiative.
Thanks!

You actually boost the confidence of the guy which leads him to take the steps to reciprocate your feelings and it doesn't have to be through a friend it could be via a male relative or your mother befriending his mom etc. There are many ways in which you can do this but if you don't want family to get involved straight away then I would say rely on friends and if your confident and not scared of rejection then do the approach yourself but I would advice against that. As far as I'm aware appearing more shy/timid is overall more attractive to men then appearing overly confident and I guess the opposite is what women generally want to see. (Personally for me it doesn't matter but other guys might mind)

The friend approach will give you the best results. The guy will subconsciously respect you more and see you as more modest/shy/feminine etc even if you aren't.

 

[Abdisamad]

I won't ever give sallam to women I only reply because of that reason you gave since many won't reply so I just wait for them to say it instead and reply otherwise I just move on.

As for the uni guy any form of kindness show to a guy by the opposite gender is seen as flirting so yeah he probably thought you were flirting with him and decided to reel it back when you next approached him.

Yeah us somalis who grew up outside somalia have been conditioned that way yet for some reason we are ok with ajnabis. I guess it's the fear of it going back to our parents. Yet our parents generation are all super cool and friendly with each other so I don't even know where it all went wrong.

You should stop fearing rejection.. Many women like the man to take the first step.. Of course some women would reject you but that shouldn't be the end game for you.. I see myself as a man like a hunter sometimes you are successful other times you are not.

 

[aduunka220]

you should stick to saying can i have your dads phone number. if she dont trust you she aint for you in first place