Somali wedding rant

[Backardee123]

This is a topic for the girls and the girls only <3

So i am going to the wedding of like a distant (ish) relative this month right - and i am talking to this other female relative of mine
We are just discussing the diracs we are going to wear, getting stuff tailored etc I am really exicted because i never get to wear traditional somali attire, finally i am one of the adults in

googarad a coming of age moment


When she suddenly starts staring at my hair with this "confused"/agitated look (i have 3c hair, shoulder length like yara shahidi)
"You should go the hebel hebel salong for hair straightening and makeup services"

We have this back and forth about me wanting to just wear it natural like always and having a preferance for simple everyday makeup
By the end of this conversation i get the impression that a somali wedding has a certain standard, which is full face baddie aesthetic with heat applied on your hair - i also feel as if since everyones hijabis and this is the moment to show off, not doing this is being under dressed/weirdo


Anyway i just want to discuss if thers distaste for tighter curly hair + get advice

 

[JackieBurkhart]

Ignore them. Some Somalis have quite a bit of self hate for themselves. It's pathetic considering our ancestors had no interest in mimicking cadaanka. You should wear it natural in a cute style.

Like this ( I know you're not getting married, just thought this was a cute harstyle):

Luckily, my family isn't the type to say that ish. I'm sorry to hear about it though. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

 

[Backardee123]

Ignore them. Some Somalis have quite a bit of self hate for themselves. It's pathetic considering our ancestors had no interest in mimicking cadaanka. You should wear it natural in a cute style.

Like this ( I know you're not getting married, just thought this was a cute harstyle):

View attachment 277408


Luckily, my family isn't the type to say that ish. I'm sorry to hear about it though. Do whatever makes you feel comfortable.

Thanks walaal

Yeah she is extremely light skinned with a very loose hair texture, not that i took this information into account but i felt it was very absurd that the hair that grown naturally out of my head which i wear to work/life/uni isn't "appropriate enough"

 

[JackieBurkhart]

Thanks walaal

Yeah she is extremely light skinned with a very loose hair texture, not that i took this information into account but i felt it was very absurd that the hair that grown naturally out of my head which i wear to work/life/uni isn't "appropriate enough"

A lot of Somalis sadly have the mindset that we need to be as close to cadaans' in appearance as possible. Plenty of women back home bleach and relax their hair. I wonder if she straightens her hair regularly. But luckily, there are Somalis who oppose this mindset. I'm saying this as someone with 2C/3A hair.

 

[Yaraye]

Personally I think natural is beautiful. It got more of a personality
I would suggest a cute classic updo like this

 

[Backardee123]

A lot of Somalis sadly have the mindset that we need to be as close to cadaans' in appearance as possible. Plenty of women back home bleach and relax their hair. I wonder if she straightens her hair regularly. But luckily, there are Somalis who oppose this mindset. I'm saying this as someone with 2C/3A hair.

yeah this is reminding me of the discussions african americans have on wearing weave vs natural

I wasn't cognizant that our community might have a problem like this (again all mostly veiled) but weddings are indeed the one event where this bias might show.

 

[Backardee123]

Personally I think natural is beautiful. It got more of a personality
I would suggest a cute classic updo like this
View attachment 277412

Let me just stick out then

I think big hair can be very glamorous tbh but overall i just want to enjoy my time and see a childhood friend get married not obsess over my appereance CHILL

 

[JackieBurkhart]

yeah this is reminding me of the discussions african americans have on wearing weave vs natural

I wasn't cognizant that our community might have a problem like this (again all mostly veiled) but weddings are indeed the one event where this bias might show.

A lot of this is caused by the media a lot of Somalis consume (especially back home).They've been bombarded with media that shows darker skin & tighter hair in a negative light. Including the Hindi and Arab shows. We most definitely need to create our own media that becomes popular back home. Also, a lot of women do it due to it being the beauty standard. If a lot of Somali men stopped pushing that as what they find attractive, I doubt it would be so popular, same with the bleaching.

This also comes down to the fact ajnabis control our media and representation.

 

[Yaraye]

yeah this is reminding me of the discussions african americans have on wearing weave vs natural

I wasn't cognizant that our community might have a problem like this (again all mostly veiled) but weddings are indeed the one event where this bias might show.

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[Backardee123]

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Thats what she said..."your hair looks untamed"

Volume is the sexiest thing please. They just want us to have a slicked lunch lady hairdo
The funny thing is i think the reactionary people are the fobs/habaryars cause in the west there is a concept of curly hair styled naturally without manipulation too look super long/flat thanks to biracials all over tv.

 

[beauty_queen]

ignore her, I prefer straightening my hair but that doesn't mean you have to

 

[Hodan from HR]

Hair styles in Somali weddings are usually a mixed bag. Some people straighten while others rock their curly hair. Some hijabis even prefer not showing their hair, since people might take pictures and post on their social media.

Your cousin seems to project her self imposed rules to you. Do the hair style that you are most comfortable with abaayo

 

[El Nino]

A lot of this is caused by the media a lot of Somalis consume (especially back home).They've been bombarded with media that shows darker skin & tighter hair in a negative light. Including the Hindi and Arab shows. We most definitely need to create our own media that becomes popular back home. Also, a lot of women do it due to it being the beauty standard. If a lot of Somali men stopped pushing that as what they find attractive, I doubt it would be so popular, same with the bleaching.

This also comes down to the fact ajnabis control our media and representation.

Somali men do find curly hair attractive over straight hair but your right about how foreign media has made somalis obsess over lightskin. Thankfully we are seeing more and more darkskinned somali sisters on social media with alot of followers. Our folks will land back on reality soon.

 

[Backardee123]

Hair styles in Somali weddings are usually a mixed bag. Some people straighten while others rock their curly hair. Some hijabis even prefer not showing their hair, since people might take pictures and post on their social media.

Your cousin seems to project her self imposed rules to you. Do the hair style that you are most comfortable with abaayo

so much more relaxed about this event now

 

[Abdalla]

Though it’s only for women, I want to chime in. I’m very dictatorial when it comes down to my life. Nobody has a vote or a say in how I view myself. I’ve given voting rights only to a handful people, the rest has zero say.

 

[Backardee123]

Though it’s only for women, I want to chime in. I’m very dictatorial when it comes down to my life. Nobody has a vote or a say in how I view myself. I’ve given voting rights only to a handful people, the rest has zero say.

prof.dr.eng, i agree. yeah i have done a lot of non-traditional things shamelessly but this one triggers my anxiety, i dont like to feel strange about the way i choose to present myself (in regards to proper dresscode)

 

[Abdalla]

i have done a lot of non-traditional things shamelessly

Elaborate more.

 

[Backardee123]

Elaborate more.

No (its not shame just pointless)