Sultana of Samaroon
According to a random poll, Somalia has the finest men on the dark continent followed by Ethiopia. While the iron is still hot we must strike. We need a boy band from the Horn of Africa (mostly Somali since we’re the loudest and the largest diaspora so it’s only natural). We must exploit Africa’s best-kept secret and capitalize. Beauty is useless if it’s left to rot. We have to match it with smooth moves and vocals.
@Menelik III will be the token of our group. He’s picked up Somali really quickly and can add some of that Habesh favour with a dash of coffee, infinite shoulder shakes and a sprinkle of Teddy Afro. He also belongs to the same qabil as the Weeknd. I smell a collaboration. It’s only right he works with his taller rival the Somali Barry White - @Bahal. They could make beautiful music together. If they act up, @Ferrari will school them in a dhaanto dance off.
To succeed we must tap into a western audience. @Gucci mane is familiar with the Toronto music scene and he’s agreed to call in top5. We’ve requested him to keep his shirt on during our meeting for professional reasons.
@YoungFarah is the pianist. He comes strapped with a portable keyboard around his neck. And his trigger finger effortlessly presses the auto harmonizer, like a champ.
We’re strict with our signees but we won’t beat them like they’re in dugsi. In their blood contract, we ask that they not have physical relations, smoke or drink.
@Garaad Darawiish is the manager of abstinence. He’ll make sure they don’t indulge. At this stage, we can’t afford to catch a case (of genital burn) like Usher.
@El padrone is their stylist/designer. He's releasing his line of tie-dye jeans in Hargeisa that elegantly drape skinny calves.
Me and @John Michael are in the “lab” – our make shift studio with a firaash against the door to block out any noise. We're currently working with the 3 kings - Awale, Mursal, and Nimaan. They've agreed to be featured on our first mixtape.
It's a guaranteed macawiis dropper!