Should promiscuous Somali girls be given a second chance by Somali males?

[paragon]

This is why sex should be between husband and wife alone because it's not just a physical connection. It's more than that but when people reduce it to just the physical they make it dirty. Women have more to lose by engaging in zina because they tend to get emotionally attached. This is why I encourage youth marriages but with the support and involvement of both parents. I wish our community addressed this issue more but we just sweep it under the carpet like most things.

If a woman or man want to marry young they should go right ahead. For the rest, who want to make something of themselves without the financial obligations of a family and desire to be in a financially comfortable position before they get married then they should be encouraged too, provided they have self-control or fast twice weekly. Being truthful, many of the early marriages I know about don't last that long, partly because the reasons they get married are purely driven by kacsi without a game plan.

 

[Zayd]

A clean man for a clean woman.

 

[madamelioness]

If a woman or man want to marry young they should go right ahead. For the rest, who want to make something of themselves without the financial obligations of a family and desire to be in a financially comfortable position before they get married then they should be encouraged too, provided they have self-control or fast twice weekly. Being truthful, many of the early marriages I know about don't last that long, partly because the reasons they get married are purely driven by kacsi without a game plan.

Yes, of course it's a choice. A choice between marriage or zina because that's the harsh reality that faces many young Somalis.

Youthful marriage is very difficult and one of the main reasons why it doesn't succeed is because the young couple hasn't been given the tools to succeed. No real understanding what marriage is and what is required, not given any strategies of how to resolve conflict, how to compromise and how to be more compassionate and lack of support from family or the community at large.

If a young Somali girl expresses a desire to get married she's told 'qooq baa ku haayo orodo wax baro.' The young Somali guy who wants to get married to preserve his chastity can't because of the high mahr stipulation. Then we act shocked when these kids fall into zina.

I don't think we truly understand how difficult it is for our youth to navigate through this hyper-sexualised society. There's nudity and sexual profanity everywhere. Some have enough self-control and self-restraint to withstand it but majority don't.

I'm an example of a youth marriage myself and if it wasn't for the support of my family and our commitment it wouldn't have lasted long. That's why I believe family needs to be actively involved from the beginning and parents should gauge the commitment level of their child and seek to even test it. I think a youthful marriage done with the right intentions that might end in divorce is better than these youth falling into zina and possibly having illegitimate children.

I do understand youth marriage isn't for everyone but if we want stop making continuous threads about promiscuous somali youth it's something that should be seriously considered.

 

[Zayd]

You hit the nail on it's head madamelioness..

 

[BenevolentGaraad]

Yes, of course it's a choice. A choice between marriage or zina because that's the harsh reality that faces many young Somalis.

Then we act shocked when these kids fall into zina.

I don't think we truly understand how difficult it is for our youth to navigate through this hyper-sexualised society. There's nudity and sexual profanity everywhere. Some have enough self-control and self-restraint to withstand it but majority don't.

I want to add that zina isnt the only negatives. Theres more. Chasing girls is what leads these young boys into the gangster-wannabe life. The media sends a consistent message to black boys. You need to be hood, dabble in drugs and alcohol, and making money if you want girls. The less strong-minded ones, jump right into the trap, and I cant blame them. The message is very powerful. This leads to the gang violence, little or no education, and lack of sophistication among a lot of young Somali men.

As for the girls, becoming a is strongly encouraged by the media. But less of our girls fall into the trap because our home structures keep a tighter leash on females.

A youth marriage nips it all in the bud. You have pussy at home waiting for you, no need to get involved with the riff-raff, and plus worrying about fulfulling your obligations as a husband will keep most guys too busy for the riff-raff.

 

[Sufiyan]

If we give second chances to reverts all the time who most definitely had some past with zina before they were guided then why should different standards apply to Somali girls?? If a girl has repented and was forgiven by the lord of the world's swt then who am I too look down on her??

 

[paragon]

Yes, of course it's a choice. A choice between marriage or zina because that's the harsh reality that faces many young Somalis.

Youthful marriage is very difficult and one of the main reasons why it doesn't succeed is because the young couple hasn't been given the tools to succeed. No real understanding what marriage is and what is required, not given any strategies of how to resolve conflict, how to compromise and how to be more compassionate and lack of support from family or the community at large.

If a young Somali girl expresses a desire to get married she's told 'qooq baa ku haayo orodo wax baro.' The young Somali guy who wants to get married to preserve his chastity can't because of the high mahr stipulation. Then we act shocked when these kids fall into zina.

I don't think we truly understand how difficult it is for our youth to navigate through this hyper-sexualised society. There's nudity and sexual profanity everywhere. Some have enough self-control and self-restraint to withstand it but majority don't.

I'm an example of a youth marriage myself and if it wasn't for the support of my family and our commitment it wouldn't have lasted long. That's why I believe family needs to be actively involved from the beginning and parents should gauge the commitment level of their child and seek to even test it. I think a youthful marriage done with the right intentions that might end in divorce is better than these youth falling into zina and possibly having illegitimate children.

I do understand youth marriage isn't for everyone but if we want stop making continuous threads about promiscuous somali youth it's something that should be seriously considered.

I co-sign. Everything you said is valid.

Navigating the hyper-sexual environment we live in can be difficult for the youth. I believe it can be done. Will power is a muscle that can be flexed and when flexed often it grows stronger. I am of the opinion that those that win in life are those with the capacity to delay reward. This works in our studies, physical activity, hobbies, building enterprises and even in avoiding zina. I'm not going to lie I'm for marriage when I'm financially ready and can contribute. If I were to settle down young it would have to be to a supportive and mature spouse, not someone looking to run away from taking care of all their siblings, hell bent on watching Maury all day. I'm not opposed to early marriage provided you have the tools and the wherewithal to have it endure. I think both divorce and zina are both undesirable. Zina is obviously worse. The third option of staying married is obviously superior to the two, as long as there are no issues i.e. domestic abuse, addiction etc. Part of the reason these kids succumb to zina is not because they give into their passions like bunnies in heat, but because of giving in to peer pressure from the societies they live in and the programming they are spoon fed young. Somali parents tend to impress upon girls and boys to wait to marry until they are financially ready. If they want to marry young, and keep it modest then they should without insinuations about their libidos kkkkkkk. However, if they want marriage they should also prepare for after the wedding. Sadly, some don't, even those that get married later in life. And from what I've noticed about the Somali people I know. The promiscuous ones are in the margins and they normally have underlining issues. And there's a spectrum of people some that have committed zina and other that have avoided it.

 

[Freebandz]

If we give second chances to reverts all the time who most definitely had some past with zina before they were guided then why should different standards apply to Somali girls?? If a girl has repented and was forgiven by the lord of the world's swt then who am I too look down on her??

 

[Mckenzie]

Everybody deserves a chance in life. Fornication is just a sin among many sins people commit and I think people need to be more supportive of each other. If a girl was a slapper in her past, she should turn away from that lifestyle, seek forgiveness, move to new pastures and inshallah she will find someone who will love her and treat her right.

A true Muslim can look past a persons past and judge them for who they are, not what they use to be.

You boys who are so fixated on a girls virginity don't know a thing or two about women and chances are you'll have worser off relationships than those who have had some experience.

This isn't to say that staying chaste is mediocre, infact I honestly respect people who practice restraint all their lives and wish them well. The holier than thou brigade just need to chill out. The same niggas pointing fingers at girls are stuck in their rooms watching hub every night and can't even speak to a female without being a social creep.

 

[Gilgamesh]

Imagine in your wedding day as the groom you are sitting there and half of the niggas in the room are giggling and smirking knowing the fact they all slept with the bride.......

 

[Asma]

Good believing women are for good believing men. If you are trashy male yourself why demand a chaste woman? Also forget being given a "second chance" with Somali men, a female in that situation should be more concerned with getting right with her Lord.

Very well said, any person who commits a sin, should focus on Allah's forgiveness. Who cares about whether they will be "accepted" by the opposite gender.

 

[Mercury]

Me personally I would avoid any girl whove had sex already because im a virgin and Can only see myself with one aswell

 

[Inactive]

Me personally I would avoid any girl whove had sex already because im a virgin and Can only see myself with one aswell

Same

 

[Duchess]

I'm starting to wonder if some of you even know what promiscuity is..

 

[Daisy]

I wouldn't want to marry a guy who isn't a virgin/chaste.

 

[madamelioness]

I'm starting to wonder if some of you even know what promiscuity is..

Enlighten us please

 

[Duchess]

Enlighten us please

Most of the posters think not being a virgin = being promiscuous.

Imho, promiscuity is a personality trait. They should only date/marry other promiscuous individuals because I don't believe they can change or become suitable spouses. A non-virgin with standards who made tawbah is different and deserving of a second chance.

 

[madamelioness]

Most of the posters think not being a virgin = being promiscuous.

Imho, promiscuity is a personality trait. They should only date/marry other promiscuous individuals because I don't believe they can change or become suitable spouses. A non-virgin with standards who made tawbah is different and deserving of a second chance.

Great point. However, as Somalis having sex outside marriage just once makes you promiscuous because our moral compass is far more stringent.

With counselling promiscuous individuals can also form long-lasting and successful relationships.

 

[Duchess]

With counselling promiscuous individuals can also form long-lasting and successful relationships.

Who got time for that?

 

[madamelioness]

Who got time for that?

Those that hit rock bottom.