Qabyaalad sway xalimos to ajanabis

[SuldaanGuled]

You said a lot more than that. Anyway, I did get the gist of it better, unlike last time.

I genuinely think it's better to isolate from the community and really select for the ones they interact with, if at all. We had a couple family friends and that's it. We weren't allowed to hang out with other Somali kids that weren't that family.

The fact that @Professor said the family was isaaq makes me wonder if its a coincidence.

But i wasn't addressing you it was for the OP what i said was according to him somali women are throwing themselves to ajinabi men due to tribalism but this wasn't the case as there a number of reasons but the types that usually avoid somali men all together do it because they don't want anything to do with being somali & that he was dreaming if he thought qabyaalad was the root cause. It may've been for the single case he foretold but not the majority.

I tend to differ as you're correlating more positive outcomes with less interaction within the community, from my observation it boils down to parenting as i've seen many cases whereby it led to more harm than good. In your case the limited interaction is a secondary cause & not the primary cause as to why you correlate it with positive outcomes.

Do you remember in the other thread where i mentioned the girl who chose to live with her cheating husband, well she was a product of such parenting who believed less interaction with the community meant betterment for their kids well it didn't lead to the outcome they were hoping for. I only found about the parents views after interacting with them multiple times.

Spoiler: in case you're wondering about their qabil ?

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[Professor]

Isn't that everyone?

I always thought the opposite even though my family's a bit, ya know. As far as Somalis, I only dated one other Isaaq as it turned out, and he was actually great, but I always thought it was too close to home that he was Isaaq, even if not of the same subclan, which we didnt talk about qabil, but I'd first overheard that to be the case much later when I learned the reason my parents were so partial to the guy was bc of his qabil once they'd learned of him kkkk. After that, it occasionally triggered me that I was dating someone like that. I mean the guy was so far removed from where I'd grown up, which is what was attractive about him among many other things, and yet still my parents knew his people. That weirded the shit outta me at the time.

There's a very weird element to being involved with Somalis.

Relocated to Kenya? Not accepted as Somalis? I don't know what Isaaq sijues are, I thought you said Isaaq.

it is a kinda derogatory term for somalis that are from Kenya. They are seens as outsider by generally somali population and some don't even consider them as somali even though generally most still have an tribe.

 

[VixR]

But i wasn't addressing you it was for the OP what i said was according to him somali women are throwing themselves to ajinabi men due to tribalism but this wasn't the case as there a number of reasons but the types that usually avoid somali men all together do it because they don't want anything to do with being somali & that he was dreaming if he thought qabyaalad was the root cause. It may've been for the single case he foretold but not the majority.

I tend to differ as you're correlating more positive outcomes with less interaction within the community, from my observation it boils down to parenting as i've seen many cases whereby it led to more harm than good. In your case the limited interaction is a secondary cause & not the primary cause as to why you correlate it with positive outcomes.

Do you remember in the other thread where i mentioned the girl who chose to live with her cheating husband, well she was a product of such parenting who believed less interaction with the community meant betterment for their kids well it didn't lead to the outcome they were hoping for. I only found about the parents views after interacting with them multiple times.

Without agreeing with the frilly reasons, I agree with your main point that he was reaching on the cliquey qabilist girls translating to her romantic choices.

I'm convinced positive outcomes come from less interaction. Lol Having a cheating husband doesn't mean it didn't lead to better outcomes generally, unless you're claiming she should be blamed for her husbands' actions. You can't control for a romantic partner possibly cheating on you. I'm talking about the actual people who're raised that way.

 

[John Michael]

Isn't that everyone?

I always thought the opposite even though my family's a bit, ya know. As far as Somalis, I only dated one other Isaaq as it turned out, and he was actually great, but I always thought it was too close to home that he was Isaaq, even if not of the same subclan, which we didnt talk about qabil, but I'd first overheard that to be the case much later when I learned the reason my parents were so partial to the guy was bc of his qabil once they'd learned of him kkkk. After that, it occasionally triggered me that I was dating someone like that. I mean the guy was so far removed from where I'd grown up, which is what was attractive about him among many other things, and yet still my parents knew his people. That weirded the shit outta me at the time.

There's a very weird element to being involved with Somalis.

Relocated to Kenya? Not accepted as Somalis? I don't know what Isaaq sijues are, I thought you said Isaaq.

No it isn't everyone.

Here I was looking out for a reer Bermuda Triangle .


In aall seriousness though my post was sort of tongue in cheek but................

Somalis do treat women of a different qabil/subclan horribly, even if the guy is normal......... oftentimes the family is retarded and because there is no such thing as privacy in a Somali marriage this makes for trouble. I've seen mother in laws beef it out and one even force her son to divorce because she didn't like the other mother in law. All because of qabil....... and it seems to be the worse when it's intraqabil but different subclans.


All in all it seems as though even racist ajanabis are less drama.

 

[VixR]

it is a kinda derogatory term for somalis that are from Kenya. They are seens as outsider by generally somali population and some don't even consider them as somali even though generally most still have an tribe.

Why? Did they eat a dead thing in their ancestry?

 

[John Michael]

Why? Did they eat a dead thing in their ancestry?

No Somalis are just allergic to any differences however subtle. It's just people who grew up in east Africa (not the horn). They use to have accents when speaking Somali but nowadays they speak perfect Somali but still get the sijui term.

 

[VixR]

No it isn't everyone.

Here I was looking out for a reer Bermuda Triangle .


In aall seriousness though my post was sort of tongue in cheek but................

Somalis do treat women of a different qabil/subclan horribly, even if the guy is normal......... oftentimes the family is retarded and because there is no such thing as privacy in a Somali marriage this makes for trouble. I've seen mother in laws beef it out and one even force her son to divorce because she didn't like the other mother in law. All because of qabil....... and it seems to be the worse when it's intraqabil but different subclans.


All in all it seems as though even racist ajanabis are less drama.

I've seen some of what you mean across different qabils, but intraqabil too?? So what, your only choice is to marry from your exact subclan?

Laaa That's no choice at all.

 

[VixR]

No Somalis are just allergic to any differences however subtle. It's just people who grew up in east Africa (not the horn). They use to have accents when speaking Somali but nowadays they speak perfect Somali but still get the sijui term.

Bc they grew up in a Bantu country? I'm so confused. Are they full Somali? Why do they speak with an accent?

 

[John Michael]

I've seen some of what you mean across different qabils, but intraqabil too?? So what, your only choice is to marry from your exact subclan?

Laaa That's no choice at all.

Wallahi it's worse between differing subclans.

The story I told was between same qabil but different subclans. I didn't even know resentment was that strong between these two subclans. But Somalis are always feuding.

The main thing is the lack of privacy in marriage though. It's completely unislamic but Somalis think that meddling in a couples affairs is ok if they don't like the spouse for whatever bs reason.


Racist cadaans would just disown or eventually come around to the decision that their child took.

Bc they grew up in a Bantu country? I'm so confused

It's really just because they USE to have accent when speaking Somali that is all. Not even because it's a Bantu country.

An example would be all the reer waqooyi people saying they cannot understand a single sentence of a southerner speaking Somali. Very small differences are intolerable to Somalis.

 

[SuldaanGuled]

Without agreeing with the frilly reasons, I agree with your main point that he was reaching on the cliquey qabilist girls translating to her romantic choices.

I'm convinced positive outcomes come from less interaction. Lol Having a cheating husband doesn't mean it didn't lead to better outcomes generally, unless you're claiming she should be blamed for her husbands' actions. You can't control for a romantic partner possibly cheating on you. I'm talking about the actual people who're raised that way.

waa warey it really depends i guess

Maya i'm not blaming her for her cheating husband or anything of the sort merely pointing out the logical flaws in which the premise is based on ie less interaction with your own communities leads to more positive outcomes. What i found out was that her parents influenced her to seek outside the somali community for a husband citing reasons like somali men aren't suitable for you because they're underachievers & what not.

As you can see it isn't simply about less interaction but having a negative view of the community entirely and painting everyone in said community with the same brush. That reasoning behind their decision not to interact with the community is completely flawed and biased to begin with, if it happens to lead to positive outcomes it's nothing more than a self fulfilling prophesy tbh.

 

[Professor]

It's really just because they USE to have accent when speaking Somali that is all. Not even because it's a Bantu country.

An example would be all the reer waqooyi people saying they cannot understand a single sentence of a southerner speaking Somali. Very small differences are intolerable to Somalis.

it isn't that simple alot sijues like identify as kenyan but when convienct claim that the are somali. When we had a state they would jump on the bandwagon but now they like to distant themselves from Somalis. They kinda fences sitters from what I gathered.

 

[John Michael]

it isn't that simple alot sijues like identify as kenyan but when convienct claim that the are somali. When we had a state they would jump on the bandwagon but now they like to distant themselves from Somalis. They kinda fences sitters from what I gathered.

I haven't notice that at all from sijuis, in fact they tend to just be more reserved but humble. What your describing sounds like Northern Kenyans. Don't get me started with them....

Also them identifying as Kenyan or Ugandan is no different than someone else identifying as Canadian or British. But they tend to get a wierd backlash.

 

[VixR]

Wallahi it's worse between differing subclans.

The story I told was between same qabil but different subclans. I didn't even know resentment was that strong between these two subclans. But Somalis are always feuding.

The main thing is the lack of privacy in marriage though. It's completely unislamic but Somalis think that meddling in a couples affairs is ok if they don't like the spouse for whatever bs reason.


Racist cadaans would just disown or eventually come around to the decision that their child took.




It's really just because they USE to have accent when speaking Somali that is all. Not even because it's a Bantu country.

An example would be all the reer waqooyi people saying they cannot understand a single sentence of a southerner speaking Somali. Very small differences are intolerable to Somalis.

I hear ya on the meddling thing.

But that doesn't make sense, there's multiple regional accents in Somalia

waa warey it really depends i guess

Maya i'm not blaming her for her cheating husband or anything of the sort merely pointing out the logical flaws in which the premise is based on ie less interaction with your own communities leads to more positive outcomes. What i found out was that her parents influenced her to seek outside the somali community for a husband citing reasons like somali men aren't suitable for you because they're underachievers & what not.

As you can see it isn't simply about less interaction but having a negative view of the community entirely and painting everyone in said community with the same brush. That reasoning behind their decision not to interact with the community is completely flawed and biased to begin with, if it happens to lead to positive outcomes it's nothing more than a self fulfilling prophesy tbh.

You said it didn't have a good outcome bc her husband cheated LOL. I asked you how does that count against her. It doesn't. If she sought outside Somali men bc they're underachievers, and then her husband and her are now having marital issues, how does that compute either way? How many Somali women are dealing with cheating husbands, are they also negative outcomes bc their husband cheated? How about if the woman cheats, are the men negative outcomes for their wife's errors?

Not making sense.

I just call it how I see it, no holds barred. All I said was less interaction produces better outcomes in the children, but maybe I myself am biased.

 

[SuldaanGuled]

I hear ya on the meddling thing.

But that doesn't make sense, there's multiple regional accents in Somalia

You said it didn't have a good outcome bc her husband cheated LOL. I asked you how does that count against her. It doesn't. If she sought outside Somali men bc they're underachievers, and then her husband and her are now having marital issues, how does that compute either way? How many Somali women are dealing with cheating husbands, are they also negative outcomes bc their husband cheated? How about if the woman cheats, are the men negative outcomes for their wife's errors?

Not making sense.

I just call it how I see it, no holds barred. All I said was less interaction produces better outcomes in the children, but maybe I myself am biased.

Lets assess the issue critically shall we

If the sole reason for marrying outside the community was to avoid a broken marriage from within but surprisingly still ends up in a marriage like that what does that tell you ? what was the positive outcome in terms of marriage success ? There were negative connotations associated with marrying a somali but when it came to the non somali it was only positive.

This type of reasoning is without a doubt flawed and this is what i was getting at. Ethnicity of a potential has no bearing on the success of a marriage which is why we can't simply say that because a person married a somali or ajinabi their marriage will either fail or be successful. A good example of the above is when those obsessed with qabyaalad believe that their marriage will be a success simply because they married from their tribe.

There are good and bad aspects in every culture but if one chooses to focus solely on the bad then it's only fair we point out the bias in that don't you agree ?

Both her parents and her believed that by marrying a non somali her marriage will be a successful one, but when that wasn't achieved it resulted in a negative outcome. The negative aspect isn't about her husband cheating on her but rather her equating success with a non somali as if the ethnicity of her spouse is a good indicator for a good marriage. Her parents now know otherwise

People seek out others for different reasons but when you do so on the basis of discrediting and belittling your own then that speaks volumes of the type of mentality and nature of such people. Worse is the fact that some of them still end up in the same "mess" they feared and were running away from.
Since people differ so will what they consider to be positive outcomes differ as well, so i guess ending up in a broken marriage with non somali can still be considered to be a positive outcome for some people.

Marriage was just one example for others they might consider not speaking their langauge, leaving islam etc as positive outcomes so in the end we should let people live according to how they want but this doesn't give them the right to condescend those who don't share their views.