Post Marriage Advice

This is an excerpt from one of Farhat Hashmi’s speeches. Its translated more or less meaning.

The second point is speaking at the wrong time. One person is hungry and is waiting for food. We start speaking and narrating long story.

Or we ignore them and start talking on phone. And each person has limits to their patience. And in incidents such as these its something really small but it becomes really big resulting in fight.

Its quite common among women that when husband is coming home they are hungry & exhausted from work. They start complaining about kids. ‘Today he didn’t go to school. This person did this & broke this. This kids went here etc’ Because the common interest between husband and wife are kids. We rarely talk about the good attributes of our kids. If we have any form of worry, quickly we want to vent it out right away on something that we share in common. And degree to which I am worried or upset he should be worried the same. But usually he will not be as worried. He will think my wife does this all the time. Due to that conflict starts.

Many parents get into conflicts due to children. They blame each other. And when the kids are good both parents want to take credit to themselves. If the kids are not good they blame other person the kids are good because of your neglect. In these circumstances, think before you speak the angels are writing down what you are saying.

The third is interruptions. One person is speaking prior to finishing you interrupt. ‘Yes I have already heard this. You have already told me this. I know this from before. Yeah I know already.’ Even if you know what is being told Prophet (saw) used to know already what is being said but he would still listen attentively. In arabic we call this mujamala.

Mujamala is to treat other person in beautiful manner/courtesy. One is muamala the other is mujamala. Mujamala is when someone has already told you same thing twice in the past so third time you listen to that individual similar to how you listened first time. Because at this point its not the story or what is being said. The actual point is giving ‘attention’ to the individual. Then an issue will never rise.

And the other point to focus is when there is something you are upset or sad about then all of sudden we become really formal. If there is too much formality then communication is broken. ‘Last time I said this people got upset this time I am not going to say anything.’ Then we become really reserved. Then husband starts thinking my wife is not interested in me. Or wife thinks husband is not interested in her. I am advising both not just the husband or wife. In this scenario my suggestion one of them come out/let go of that state. Someone has to sacrifice and one who sacrifices in terms of character they are better. They are one whose scales be heavier (day of judgement).

 

Scottie Barnes

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Don’t just have sex all the time and pump out kids. Get jobs, manage your finances and build for the future. Bending your wife over and giving it to her all the time is addictive. Sorry if this came out weird. This is the case with a lot of Somali men. They pump out kids with no plans and then end up burdening taxpayers with their big forehead kids
 
Don’t just have sex all the time and pump out kids. Get jobs, manage your finances and build for the future. Bending your wife over and giving it to her all the time is addictive. Sorry if this came out weird. This is the case with a lot of Somali men. They pump out kids with no plans and then end up burdening taxpayers with their big forehead kids
We need to pump more kids, some of those kids might be the saviors that the Somali nation needs.
 
A sheikh does not have to have an opinion on every topic. lets leave post marriage advice to those who have studied and looked at raw data from a wide range of couples throughout many years.

the example of a wife nagging to her husband about the kids after he comes work. i mean who else can she nag about the kids to? sometimes people need to vent and sometimes people want to relax.

the husband and wife just need to create some sort of a schedule of vent time and relax time and suggestions time so whatever the wife is venting about, both the husband and wife can find a solution to.

and the wife also needs to relax sometimes so its not all husband should always relax after work. for godsake just take the wife an kids for a walk from time to time, go to the park as a family heck once every 2 months go to a zoo or a museum as a family and try and go to holiday every year if you can afford it.
 
A sheikh does not have to have an opinion on every topic. lets leave post marriage advice to those who have studied and looked at raw data from a wide range of couples throughout many years.

the example of a wife nagging to her husband about the kids after he comes work. i mean who else can she nag about the kids to? sometimes people need to vent and sometimes people want to relax.

the husband and wife just need to create some sort of a schedule of vent time and relax time and suggestions time so whatever the wife is venting about, both the husband and wife can find a solution to.

and the wife also needs to relax sometimes so its not all husband should always relax after work. for godsake just take the wife an kids for a walk from time to time, go to the park as a family heck once every 2 months go to a zoo or a museum as a family and try and go to holiday every year if you can afford it.
I translated speech of Farhat Hashmi who is mother of four children.
 

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