Outline story for my manga . Please tell me what you think

The story is about a half Somali 26 year old jaded art college dropout that gets accidentally involved in a special somali dhaqan celis program to complete in the Istunka tournament. The main character’s name is Niles Aiden Hasan. He’s a man with a lot of passion but lacks a self of direction in his life. Niles’ personality is very opinionated, blunt, good natured with a very morbid sense of humor. Also Niles is very intelligent, only when he’s interested in the subject. He’s also very spacey and has an all or nothing approach to problems. Niles is in state of depression, due to his obsession to fit into society, his failed art career, but the main issue with Niles is the person who he wants to be like conflicts with who he really is. His role model is Martin Luther King and his dream is be a warrior for equality and non violence. The problem is that Niles’ has strong warriors’ pride, bloodlust and a ruling class mentality. Although, he has all these positive traits, he’s very naive, due to his upper middle class upbringing, stubborn, lack of knowledge of himself and his need for validation from other groups. Niles also has a off and on again relationship with a mixed black liberal chick named Mary Jane . He’s works as a part-time barista/activist to this sjw group. Him and his group tries to pull a Jussie publicity stunt that backfired horribly and Niles got all the blame. On top of that, his girl leaves him for her gay childhood friend who recently discovered that he’s a non-binary pan sexual. In an act of desperation, he joins his group in a half baked plan to show America to the world is safe, they decide to go to Somalia to send them aid, which consists hand me down children clothes from the 80s, a box of imperishable canned foods and 10 Britney Spears CDs. At the same time, a washed up football player funds and starts a special dhaqan celis. Niles ends up forming his own qabil to fight in the unknown mysterious tournament called Istunka . What do you think of premise of story ? Also, Niles gets three wives and one white concubine.
 

Radical

Certified CNC expert.
Very interesting concept, are you familiar with The Hero's Journey? It's a basic blueprint to many famous fictional stories

You've already given Niles such a rich personality but what about the other characters? (love how his ex is named Mary Jane btw)

And what about motivations? What's driving him to form his own qabiil and take part in a tournament? The readers need someone they can understand with reasonable goals they can root for, the quality of your fiction is highly dependent on how likeable your protagonist is.

What lesson do we learn from this story? What are the themes and allegories? You don't have to go too deep into this subject if you're aiming for a more comedic and lighthearted approach, but it's what separates the good and great storytellers.

Your main character should gain a lot of knowledge from being exposed to two completely different world's, don't be one dimensional and paint the conservative culture in Somalia as backwards and in need of saving, you should instead highlight the best and worst of both worlds and have a layer of complexity to your story.
 

VixR

Veritas
It’s cool. But he reads more like the disadvantaged, but cool/artistic/different from the other kids on the block Black American boy trope, rather than the whole African son of immigrants thing.

His name, being an MLK fan, SJW, dating a liberal half black gf, White “concubine”, etc. If I had to guess his other half, his mom imust be AA, and it sounds like he favors that side?
 
Very interesting concept, are you familiar with The Hero's Journey? It's a basic blueprint to many famous fictional stories

You've already given Niles such a rich personality but what about the other characters? (love how his ex is named Mary Jane btw)

And what about motivations? What's driving him to form his own qabiil and take part in a tournament? The readers need someone they can understand with reasonable goals they can root for, the quality of your fiction is highly dependent on how likeable your protagonist is.

What lesson do we learn from this story? What are the themes and allegories? You don't have to go too deep into this subject if you're aiming for a more comedic and lighthearted approach, but it's what separates the good and great storytellers.

Your main character should gain a lot of knowledge from being exposed to two completely different world's, don't be one dimensional and paint the conservative culture in Somalia as backwards and in need of saving, you should instead highlight the best and worst of both worlds and have a layer of complexity to your story.
Niles’ clan is a special qabil ( it’s fictional)that are the embodiment of Waaq. Waaq was the pagan deity to be blessed by all three sides of the Abrahamic God . Waaq received the title that Lucifer had before he fell and destroyed the Tower of Babel. They are to act as muse for the Somali people. His father really tried to push equality, forced Niles not fight back because it would make them look like savages. His father had a severe self hate of his family’s history. He thought they would blood thirsty religious. He pass did guilt to his son and always bent over backwards to please Everyone. Niles would here “ I have a dream “ speech everyday until he was 18 years old. Niles would try really hard not to retaliate against his bullies but his instincts would always kick in when he reaches his limit. Well, his dad would be very generous and lend money. One day, one of his coworkers came with a sob story and he was a civil rights activist. He lent him 3000 dollars. When he asked for the money back, he pretended that he never give it to him in the first. Then the co worker beats him, in front of everyone of his job. He snapped and killed everyone. The main lesson Niles needs to learn to not seek validation from others and to reach his full potential, he’s must be rejected by everyone. No one is going to respect you if you don’t respect yourself. He also learns that life is a battle and he had the will of warrior but there are different ways to fight. Hardships can be lessons that Hod is trying to teach you. He also starts off as an atheist and finds God again
 

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