Never chase a woman, chasing is feminine. - Da'wah man.

[Angelina]

We're kind of shielded from the whole "women compete with other women" thing to some extent due to Islam and Somali culture, but it's pretty undeniable in modern dating outside of that context. Being in close promixity to other women gives you a certain level of social proof, ergo "if those women are intently listening to what he says and actively engaging with him, then there might be some merit to what he's saying" etc. That's my guess anyway. It just seems to instantly boost your chances if you have other women vouching for you.

I see where you’re coming from when it comes to gaals or even less conservative Somalis.

But from a haram-ish standpoint, meeting/being pursued by other women is 1,000,000% easier the moment you get into a relationship. It's like they can almost smell it on you wallahi. But again, I guess that sort comes down to the fact that your actions don't seem as desperate and women they pick up on that subconsciously.

The avg girl is so inundated with attention nowadays that the whole "you need to chase a woman" thing doesn't make sense anymore. You're competing with a dozen other men. All of whom are boarderline groveling for the smallest crumb of acknowledgement, so it'd make sense to take a different approach. You might not agree with it, but there's some validity to what he's saying. Being aloof and playing "hard to get" as a guy is a little retarded and gay. But if it works, it works

That doesn’t work in Muslim courting since most conservative Muslims won’t pursue a man or woman who freemixes and surrounds themselves with the opposite gender. I think men that have female friends are a bit sus or they’re too liberal and most decent Somali guys wouldn’t go for a girl that chills around with men.

You’re talking from a non Muslim female standpoint. The average Somali girl isn’t surrounded by men or even gets that much male attention even if she’s very beautiful. That’s because most Somali girls especially the normal conservative types generally surround themselves with other females. They don’t tend to be male soacest’s usually work, home, seeing other Muslim girls and then back home. The most attention they’d probably receive is if they’re on social media and showing their faces or on apps. Even then it isn’t the same as gaal women who have male friends and hit clubs and are surrounded by different types of men.

Hence the advise I believe the boys give each other on here are terrible for that reason as it isn’t tailored toward the demographic of women they’re interested in which are conservative hijabi wearing Somali girls. Their lives couldn’t be any different to gaal women in terms of male attention hence you have to operate differently.

Like imagine playing aloof towards a girl that doesn’t even speak to guys. Hasn’t dated ever or the last time she was courted was like two years ago and has her Instagram on private and then spends all her time with her girls and doesn’t even go to places in which they’ll be lot of guys?! That’s the reality of the situation, but a lot of naive Somali guys aren’t understanding their target isn’t the same as the gaal men and hence you can’t use a lot of their advise.

 

[Lightshow]

Families can arrange marriages by mutual meetings and see where it goes from there. Also friends can introduce potential couples.

The chasing and being chased thing is just not realistic. The truth is that both the male and female show interest in each other, just in different ways. The woman shows subtle interest and the man responds to that. The rest is just the outcome of this.

In the end, it is Allah who has written your destiny. If you are meant to marry you will, and if not you will not. Just like if you are meant to have children you will, and if not you will not.

An excellent example is in the Quran, where Prophet Musa (pbuh) is approached by a young lady with her sister asking for help to access water in a well covered by an extremely heavy rock. In this instance the young lady shows interest in Musa and the proposal to marry her is made by her father.

What we can learn from this is that marriage comes by the will of Allah, and that indeed the woman is the one who starts the process. The man just closes the deal. No woman wants a man she does not have any interest in. Just like how no man will close the deal of marriage with a woman he is not interested in.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

@Angelina , stop being selfish dear, and let's help them find the woMAN of their dreams!


Fellas:

1. Don't even look at or talk to a woman first, let HER approach you, YOU are the prize!
2. Demand 50/50 split of all bills or make her PAY, your gentle hands should never touch a bill.
3. Ask a woman to pick you up and drop you home after the date, make sure she walks you to the door, KING!

Make sure to use language such as;

"Females", "High-Value Man"

Good luck abayo!!!!

 

[Macawisley]

Watch more content recommended just for you.

Does he want men to get chased or something

I don’t agree with this. Women should be chased especially the ones that we want to get married too. Just don’t chase women for Zina.

 

[Chase]

I've had girls approach me, not in a blatant way obviously, but striking a convo and moving on from there, it happens.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

We live in a world of distortion. Topsy turvy.

If we go back in history, since when did women chase? Did your ayeeyo chase your grandfather? Did your great grandmother chase your great grandfather?

Throughout human history, men pursued women, men asked for women, men paid Mehr to women, in our culture, we have stories of men paying a hundred camels to secure a woman’s hand in marriage. It was men knocking on a woman’s door, men asking for a woman. Men having to prove themselves to Walis and the list continues.

The sperm chases the egg. Even biology illustrates that its the other way around.

But Mr Dawah man from 2024, wants to convince us chasing is something women do.

We live in times of great distortion and confusion. Good luck everyone.

Some of these 'males', want a man, and they don't even know it yet.
They have vagina envy and they want to be pursued, provided for and protected from life. There are women out there, that like effeminate men, will happily chase a man, pay his bills and so forth. I hope these people find each other. Let's not stand in the way of true lurve.

 

[Macawisley]

@Angelina , stop being selfish dear, and let's help them find the woMAN of their dreams!


Fellas:

1. Don't even look at or talk to a woman first, let HER approach you, YOU are the prize!
2. Demand 50/50 split of all bills or make her PAY, your gentle hands should never touch a bill.
3. Ask a woman to pick you up and drop you home after the date, make sure she walks you to the door, KING!

Make sure to use language such as;

"Females", "High-Value Man"

Good luck abayo!!!!

No.

1. We approach women
2. We pay all her bills, since they are our responsibility

 

[Macawisley]

I've had girls approach me, not in a blatant way obviously, but striking a convo and moving on from there, it happens.

Me too but they expect you to keep the conversation going and Chase them after that

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

No.

1. We approach women
2. We pay all her bills, since they are our responsibility

My advice is for the defective males, who are allergic to the concept of masculinity.

They want to be;

1. Pursued
2. Provided for
3. Protected
4. Penis'd

 

[Riftvalley]

Andrew Tate got all these Muslim thinking they have to reinvent the wheel when it comes to women. Cringe!

 

[attash]

I think this is solid advice. I don't think he is saying you shouldn't pursue women, he is saying you shouldn't chase women. That is, you shouldn't be desperate and too eager. Desperation seems to be a massive turn-off for women. Also, you shouldn't be too available, since this makes it seem like you have a lot of time on your hands, which probably means you don't have much going on in your life. That is also a turn-off.

 

[Lightshow]

 

[Do]

I didn't even watch the video. I just saw the username @mohamedismail and knew I had to give this thread a qashin. Reading the comments for the context really confirms to me that I was right to do so.

 

[Abdirazaq]

How does a man test a woman? That’s nonsense. You pursue a woman, get to know her and once you realize she isn’t for you, you call it a day. What testing are you talking about? If you like her, you continue pursuing.

Test is the wrong word, I meant look up information before hand, who she is, what she’s like etc.

In the past, a man’s way of knowing if a woman is worth pursuing is by finding out information and doing background research. Once everything checks out, they go back up to her family.

Men testing women wasn’t a thing. It’s a modern concept found in gaal dating in which a man gets a woman to audition for yrs just to be a wife. The loss of femininity in that set up is why marriages are at an all time low and why cohabitation is high. That’s what happens when men get their way in ‘testing’ women.

Again I agree, misunderstanding.

Can backfire since quality women that don’t have daddy issues prize consistency. You can’t be consistent if you use the hot and cold method.

Believe it or not, a guy being too needy for a women is a massive turn off, the guy needs to show that he’s willing to have you but he won’t sob and cry and will simply move on if you reject his advance, this is important for men to know as it puts the women on her toes as it’s an indication that the guy can find other women and means that she needs to invest in him and not just sit back if she thinks he’s worth it. Whether Muslim or gaal this is how pretty much every women is like.

A man who shows too much affection and neediness becomes a second/last option for marriage and becomes the friendzoned guy for a Gaal relationship.

How can a woman compete with other women when a man is pursuing a woman? Why would other women be in the equation if a man genuinely wants to get married to a Muslimas? Does he dangle the fact that he’s talking to other women? Like how does that make sense. Why would a woman compete for a man when the man is meant to be the one that pursues her and asks for hand in marriage? It isn’t Islamic or normal at all.

You kinda contradicted yourself, if most Muslim men will be joined to one women in marriage then this will create natural competition between Muslim women for the men that are “high value”. A lot of feminists on this forum complain about dead beat faraxs all the time and say the ones with with value have their pick of the litter, but now there’s no competition between Muslim women trying to get “high value” Muslim men who will be confined to one wife??? Of course there’s competition between women and the ones who don’t at least in some form show interest or do a little pursuing of their own will get left behind, period.

You can’t tell Xalimos that the perfect men will fall on their lap, this is how women end up in their 30s and invisible.

 

[Mudug_gyal]

Yaab. No real men left in this age smh

 

[NomadicWarlord]

Andrew Tate got all these Muslim thinking they have to reinvent the wheel when it comes to women. Cringe!

Bro its 2024 AT already fell off

 

[Angelina]

Test is the wrong word, I meant look up information before hand, who she is, what she’s like etc.

Again I agree, misunderstanding.

Believe it or not, a guy being too needy for a women is a massive turn off, the guy needs to show that he’s willing to have you but he won’t sob and cry and will simply move on if you reject his advance, this is important for men to know as it puts the women on her toes as it’s an indication that the guy can find other women and means that she needs to invest in him and not just sit back if she thinks he’s worth it. Whether Muslim or gaal this is how pretty much every women is like.

Nobody likes needy people. That isn’t what I meant by chase/pursue. Believe it or not, men too do not like overly needy women as well. People should have lives, both men and women.

A man who shows too much affection and neediness becomes a second/last option for marriage and becomes the friendzoned guy for a Gaal relationship.

You kinda contradicted yourself, if most Muslim men will be joined to one women in marriage then this will create natural competition between Muslim women for the men that are “high value”. A lot of feminists on this forum complain about dead beat faraxs all the time and say the ones with with value have their pick of the litter, but now there’s no competition between Muslim women trying to get “high value” Muslim men who will be confined to one wife???

Of course there’s competition between women and the ones who don’t at least in some form show interest or do a little pursuing of their own will get left behind, period.

You’re conflating many topics. We’re not talking about polygamy, but the courting stage.

How can their be direct competition though since women aren’t the ones approaching these guys, I’m talking about the initial stages of courting. Please show me how a woman ‘competes’? a courting stage is between one man and one woman and if he feels she isn’t the one he can choose the countless other women he feels he can attract, but for the woman it won’t feel like competition since the man isn’t dangling his options in front of her. Being in competition mode is when a woman can see a man with different woman and is trying to be the best. As Muslims we don’t free mix. If a Muslim woman was to see a man with other women during the courting stage, she wouldn’t be interested. Muslim men and women aren’t meant to be freemixing.

You can’t tell Xalimos that the perfect men will fall on their lap, this is how women end up in their 30s and invisible.

How does a woman pursue a man? You don’t have answers since from the beginning of mankind it’s men that approach. The most a woman can do is go to maybe events and hope a man will like her enough to approach or go on apps ect or have family friends set her up.

 

[NomadicWarlord]

We live in a world of distortion. Topsy turvy.

If we go back in history, since when did women chase? Did your ayeeyo chase your grandfather? Did your great grandmother chase your great grandfather?

Throughout human history, men pursued women, men asked for women, men paid Mehr to women, in our culture, we have stories of men paying a hundred camels to secure a woman’s hand in marriage. It was men knocking on a woman’s door, men asking for a woman. Men having to prove themselves to Walis and the list continues.

The sperm chases the egg. Even biology illustrates that its the other way around.

But Mr Dawah man from 2024, wants to convince us chasing is something women do.

We live in times of great distortion and confusion. Good luck everyone.

bro been in the dawah scene for like the past 10+ years lol

 

[Lightshow]

Some of these 'males', want a man, and they don't even know it yet.
They have vagina envy and they want to be pursued, provided for and protected from life. There are women out there, that like effeminate men, will happily chase a man, pay his bills and so forth. I hope these people find each other. Let's not stand in the way of true lurve.

The shaming language is astounding, the level must be over 9000 guys!

 

[Abdirazaq]

Nobody likes needy people. That isn’t what I meant by chase/pursue. Believe it or not, men too do not like overly needy women as well. People should have lives, both men and women.

When you mean chase/pursue, do you simply mean instigate the initiation stage? Cause if that’s what you meant then I’d totally agree with you but chase/puruse implies a dating/courting stage where a women is constantly being reserved and a man is constantly gunning after the women. This isn’t something that really happens in the process of Muslim marriages as you’ve stated yourself before “talk to the father and offer mehr” etc.

This is a no brainer, a women/father of a women will rarely ever offer her hand, it’s mostly men who offer their hands but this is a different thing to chase/pursue. Why would anyone argue this point???

You’re conflating many topics. We’re not talking about polygamy, but the courting stage.

Who said anything about polygamy?

How can there be direct competition though since women aren’t the ones approaching these guys, I’m talking about the initial stages of courting. Please show me how a woman ‘competes’? a courting stage is between one man and one woman and if he feels she isn’t the one he can choose the countless other women he feels he can attract, but for the woman it won’t feel like competition since the man isn’t dangling his options in front of her. Being in competition mode is when a woman can see a man with different woman and is trying to be the best. As Muslims we don’t free mix. If a Muslim woman was to see a man with other women during the courting stage, she wouldn’t be interested. Muslim men and women aren’t meant to be freemixing.

Since when did Muslim men engage in direct competition, let alone women? Why do you have such a strict standard for the word competition? Obviously I’m talking about competition in the overarching social standard whether direct or not, a good farax out of the dating market in your vicinity is one less potential Farax you could’ve had. Why does it need to be direct as if everyone has to see every interaction all the time?

How does a woman pursue a man? You don’t have answers since from the beginning of mankind it’s men that approach. The most a woman can do is go to maybe events and hope a man will like her enough to approach or go on apps ect or have family friends set her up.

I think it’s time to leave the word pursue out of this conversation period as it seems to be causing more confusing due to people having different definitions.

A women can’t be lackluster in terms of finding a partner, she has to make herself look attractive, she has to find herself in spaces where she would want a type of Farax she desires, she has to signal towards a farax that she’s interested, maybe by way of friends, or by using subtle techniques like eye contact, open body language, coming closer toward that faraxs circles etc. This isn’t the 17th century anymore where family completely take care of the situation of finding an available partner for a son/daughter or marriage through political/familial ties. Somalis at least are completely lacking in this especially in the west, which is why the social Xalimos get married early and the pious, miskeen introverts who are on the deen get left behind.

Now yes, even in this instance where a women is making moves to find a man, it’ll still ultimately be the man who makes the initiation/first move but there’s too many women who expect a man to fall into their laps while they’re invisible homebodies when this clearly isn’t reality and it shows.

Ultimately I think we agree on pretty much everything but the definitions are throwing the conversation out of whack.