My dilemma with marriage
- Thread starter World
- Start date
Many conservative Muslims men and women grow up in the west. You can raise your children if you kept an eye on them while teaching them who be someone with akhlaaq
I don't think living in a Middle Eastern country will save you or your children. Many of the social ills in the west are already there and will become even more accessible with time. There is certainly cultural conservatism, but it's not as idyllic as you think.
Only you can set a good example, monitor your children, instill strong values and show up for them. Leave the rest up to IIahi.
Only you can set a good example, monitor your children, instill strong values and show up for them. Leave the rest up to IIahi.
You want to over complicate a simple problem, give your kids a western education (private Islamic if you really fear the schools), access to good health, take them to dugsi and all young people activities, take them back home or to Muslim countries every summer. Infact first world countries are great for getting jobs for young people, i was working at 16 at one point, it installed a greater way of thinking from young, whereas folks in the Motherland and elsewhere are sometimes unemployed till their mid 20s and beyond. Your kids will resent you for chucking them into a poor 3rd world country and denying them of a potential future just because of some irrational fear which you could have faced head on yourself. 90% of their upbringing is on you and your partner, the bulsho outside are the remaining 10%.
I can’t imagine myself in my 30s and beyond living in this cold depressed country surrounded by people who probably hate me, my religion and my traditions. I am just here to make money that’s all. If you want to raise your children in a country where a 12 year old boy can become a girl against parental wishes, be my guest. But don’t chastise others for their choices.
First thing you said was cold, i know the weather is absolutely dogshit but use it to your advantage. If your kids grow up in a hot country you've removed a good coping technique to help them fight struggle. Make them want to visit the Muslim World because it's a warm climate. Unless you're living in Inverness i don't see this hatred you're surrounded by, this is a multicultural society they even serve Halal food in London secondary schools. We had to jump over the school gates in secret to get wings and chips from the local Halal chippy lmao.
I agree it's not ideal that parents can't stop the LGBT train but this is a battle of information. Nobody becomes gay because they're told it's ok to be one. It's just easier to be gay with some protection. Same way you have to fight the risk of them joining gangs, taking drugs, radicalisation etc anything suspect and you can put them on a one way flight back to Somalia, nobody will stop you doing that.
I mean of course if you live in a council estate with a high immigrant/ Muslim population they won’t face hatred and discrimination but there are cons to living there too. Most of my ex friends that I grew up with are roadmen and have nothing going for themselves.
The other option is to raise them in good areas which won’t be as diverse unfortunately, and they’ll be more likely to be white washed/gaals. It’s a lose/lose situation.
I think you are overestimating the influence we have over children anyway. You believe that 90 % of how they turn out is down to parents which is so far from true imo. It’s more like 30 %. School, friends, social media, government, etc all are playing very significant roles.
And each generation is getting more diluted. I care about my grandchildren(inshallah) not just my children.
Find a religious Xaliimo. That is your ONLY out. She will be faithful to u thru thick and thin, even if u r a taxi driver
otherwise u need to be earning alot of money to marry a western non religious Xaliimo and build her a Mansion in Somalia. Those are your choices
NordicSomali
VIP
Its better to raise your kids in the West, don't worry about unnecessary things, don't create problems for yourself because you might regret that one day.
@World
You're over complicating thing. Since you would want your bride to be to compromise, then you should be a bit flexible, so both of you can live comfortably.
The Gulf is a great place to raise a family provided you have the funds and since you work in tech, you'd earn loads, live in a Muslim society, kids will have access to fantastic Western education whilst being in an Islamic conservative society and they'll even be taught Quran and Islamic studies in these schools. Your wife will will have an even better quality of life than even the West, so there will be no difficult adjustments she'll have to deal with. Furthermore, there is a Western Somali expat community so yourself and your wife will find likeminded fellow Somalis. Whilst the Gulf can be very hot half of the year, the weather is absolutely perfect during the Winter months. Nothing in life is perfect, but quality of life, education options, deen and safety is pretty good there.
So, if you plan to go to the Gulf, have a good job ect you'll find no issues with finding a willing spouse who wants that lifestyle. Many Western Somali girls move to and find jobs in the Gulf anyway.
You're over complicating thing. Since you would want your bride to be to compromise, then you should be a bit flexible, so both of you can live comfortably.
The Gulf is a great place to raise a family provided you have the funds and since you work in tech, you'd earn loads, live in a Muslim society, kids will have access to fantastic Western education whilst being in an Islamic conservative society and they'll even be taught Quran and Islamic studies in these schools. Your wife will will have an even better quality of life than even the West, so there will be no difficult adjustments she'll have to deal with. Furthermore, there is a Western Somali expat community so yourself and your wife will find likeminded fellow Somalis. Whilst the Gulf can be very hot half of the year, the weather is absolutely perfect during the Winter months. Nothing in life is perfect, but quality of life, education options, deen and safety is pretty good there.
So, if you plan to go to the Gulf, have a good job ect you'll find no issues with finding a willing spouse who wants that lifestyle. Many Western Somali girls move to and find jobs in the Gulf anyway.
Can’t have it all. You’re better off marrying one from a Muslim country like the uae etc, just keep her there and don’t bring her to the west. Help is also cheaper there
Life in the Gulf is more expensive, so unless you're rich enough to be able to pay rent in the west and the same rent or more in the Gulf then maybe. Schools there are like $10k a year for each child.
Even then, what privileged woman is going to sacrifice a life without a husband there? Her own family will laugh in your face. You can do that in Somalia as your simply exploiting the poverty and war there, but the Gulf?
I don’t know much about the gulf countries. I doubt everyone is privileged there especially Somalis. To be honest, it is not for me, but it is Islamic region and good location makes it ideal to have children there. Plus, in tech you can work remotely, so maybe even relocate full time if it is an option. But the thought of living full time in the gulf is not appealing to me. Don’t care for dhaga cas
Women will do what her man asks her as long she’s getting what she needs. Not everyone woman is a raging feminist
Why is it a fairytale? I know many Somali girls in the West (including myself) who want to leave the West in the near future. Some want to establish their careers back home, some are planning to raise their families in Muslim countries, etc. Laakiin, why do you assume people back home to have poor hygiene? How offensive...
KobeBryant
VIP
Learn your deen.
You do not have a right to deprive a woman of a husband she sees on a day to day basis. Women need their husbands.
That isn't feminist its basic islamic marriage rights 101 and the ones that forego it do it because of poverty. They don't have money, so they need money more than companionship.
You have no rights to tell a woman to stay alone without her husband. In fact most Islamic scholars disagree with a man asking in the 1st place.
You're a Western degenerate who even implied that prostitution is somewho allowed in another thread I saw you posting in, so respectfully shut up.
Like the deen says find a conservative/religious woman, the kids spend most of their time around her while you work so she will instill a lot of important values into them. After that it’s about keeping them busy with activities like sports/karate etc to fill up their time.
Your leaving High salaries, Reliability, Chick filet, and convenient Amazon Delivery?
Whispering to @KobeBryant
And the Wine.
