My dads been talking shit with his new wife…

[Dibleyy]

Wowwww so I knew this lady didn’t like me when she ruined my hair at this shit salon.

My dad buys khat every afternoon and I usually go along with him to order fries (literally the only thing I can stomach eating) and a soda. I was surprised when his wife tagged along, and was dressed up for no reason…

So I went to get my stuff but left my phone in the car recording the audio and wooowwww, my dad was talking the worst shit about me. I was thinking about getting into a fake marriage for $15k (I decided not to) and he was telling her how I would just leave with the money and not say anything.

Also they started saying how I close doors really aggressively and they can’t tell whether I’m angry or not. He also talks about how no Somali man would marry me and would divorce me the same day. And lied to his wife about how he gave me money and she was saying I’m wasting it when he needs it

That guy hasn’t given me a single cent since I was born but has taken care of his children before and after me. His younger children are under 18 and spoiled asf and constantly complain about going abroad, it pisses me off because I didn’t even have a bed or a room to sleep in growing up.

I went ham and yelled at him, this isn’t the first time I’ve been disrespected by him or he allowed me to be disrespected. I overheard his wife’s niece literally was joking to her brother (he lives here) that I’m useless at chores and cooking but he should try and work on me to marry and get citizenship. When I told my dad he laughed…… Her and his wife’s other guests don’t even say Salam to me and will stick up their noses whenever they see me.

Now they’re disrespect has become blatant and I can hear them THIS morning talking shit! Literally the maid (some habesha bitcch who has a bastard child she carry’s around all day) literally was saying how I could never have a husband and I lay down all day and do nothing (I’m on vacation!)

I’m not sure what I can do in this situation, I feel taken advantage of and completely disrespected. I’ve been told a million times that he’s my dad and islamically I need to respect him, I came here to know more about him and meet his kids (who ruined my stuff one time, the little girl put chapstick all over my headphones and expensive concealer and they stole my portable fan and keep lying about it)

Im only here until the end of the month but im not sure what to do in the meantime…

I regret coming here so much!!

 

[Kisame]

Leave the country as soon as you can. No point in furthering your relationship with this nigga.

A lot of the old heads pretty much had kids for no reason. They really had no interest in actually being great fathers.

 

[Homerlilian]

Forgive them but don’t let them take advantage do what you can for that to not happen . And also inform your mom

 

[Kun_Ciil]

Sis don't stress out or it will just take a toll on you and no one else. Someone that grew up in the west will always find it difficult in Somalia. There is such a big difference in dhaqan because you weren't raised in Somalia. People back home think diaspora kids are dumb and can be taken advantage off, because of the language barrier, difference in dhaqan and believing that people in the west have lived sheltered lives. I don't think you should take things out of proportion. Your edo and the maid and the other people in the house just ignore what they say. But I would say this...sometimes coming from the west we are bit more quiet and introverted and take things too seriously. Whereas people in Somalia say the maddest things to each other as kaftan(joking) and are loud and social people.

So it's better not take things too sensitively. Like the niece who is joking about the guy getting married to you and you taking him to the west...that's normal kaftan joke in Somalia, hence why your dad laughed when you told him about it with a serious face

. Anyways your dad doesn't hate you or have ill feeling towards you. He's just a typical somali odey who thinks you're a spoilt fish and chips diaspora.

Whilst in your Somalia just try not take anything to heart. Be a bit more friendly, try to eat whatever the other people In the house are eating, go to the suuq with the girls and get out of your comfort zone....enjoy the rest of your holiday with a positive outlook and hopefully everything will turn out good.

 

[Moon-]

Forgive them but don’t let them take advantage do what you can for that to not happen . And also inform your mom

View attachment 330860

they're not even sorry tho hows she supposed to forgive them

 

[Homerlilian]

they're not even sorry tho hows she supposed to forgive them

even if one’s not sorry for your sake and mental health you have to forgive. Not for theirs doesn’t benefit them the least benefits you tremoundasly

@Dibleyy not saying you have to do it but a piece of advice from your walal.

 

[Bison]

I'm sorry to hear that, I respect you for taking a huge step by visiting your father after all these years, and it's natural to feel a mix of emotions. But I want to remind you that your father is still your father. I know it's hard to connect, especially with father's new dynamics that can obscure your worth or your importance to him.

I want you to focus on your father first and foremost, not on his new family or the people who work for him. Things may seem awkward or uncomfortable right now, but talk and spend time with him, get to know him, and see if there's a way to rebuild your relationship. You can choose to love and forgive your father, it may take time, effort, and patience, but I believe it's worth it.

 

[Moon-]

I'm sorry to hear that, I respect you for taking a huge step by visiting your father after all these years, and it's natural to feel a mix of emotions. But I want to remind you that your father is still your father. I know it's hard to connect, especially with father's new dynamics that can obscure your worth or your importance to him.

I want you to focus on your father first and foremost, not on his new family or the people who work for him. Things may seem awkward or uncomfortable right now, but talk and spend time with him, get to know him, and see if there's a way to rebuild your relationship. You can choose to love and forgive your father, it may take time, effort, and patience, but I believe it's worth it.

how do you know she hasn't tried hes the one who need to put in effort tbh she flied all this way

 

[Angelina]

Leave.

Why are you there?

Why stay with a father who never provided for you?

Also, to add. Don’t shout at your father. The world we live in is temporary and the last thing you want is to be judged on losing your temper on the DOJ, even if your anger is warranted. Simply smile, be kind and pack your bags. Better to leave your father than fall into Caasimo.

You’re a guest and they keep on talking about you doing chores. These lot want to turn you into their personal maid LOL.

What a hateful bunch.

 

[Kisame]

These mfs want you to respect your father even though bro is an asshole . What's wrong with you guys

@Homerlilian @Bison @Angelina

We have a bunch of old men that give no fucks about being a a decent father figure. Forgiving and respecting men like this is crazy. They need to called out and shamed.

 

[Angelina]

These mfs want you to respect your father even though bro is an asshole . What's wrong with you guys

@Homerlilian @Bison @Angelina

We have a bunch of old men that give no fucks about being a a decent father figure. Forgiving and respecting men like this is crazy. They need to called out and shamed.

My advise is pretty good.

Leave him the hell alone. But don’t disrespect him to his face. He’s still her father even though he’s not worth the title.

She should just go back to America and live her best life. No point dwelling on the selfish man.

And how can they be shamed if it’s normalized in our community? The only ones that can change this is young generation men being better than their dads. That’s it.

 

[Dibleyy]

Leave.

Why are you there?

Why stay with a father who never provided for you?

Also, to add. Don’t shout at your father. The world we live in is temporary and the last thing you want is to be judged on losing your temper on the DOJ, even if your anger is warranted. Simply smile, be kind and pack your bags. Better to leave your father than fall into Caasimo.

You’re a guest and they keep on talking about you doing chores. These lot want to turn you into their personal maid LOL.

What a hateful bunch.

I can’t leave, I searched up change dates flight tickets and the prices were more than I can afford, I’ll have to stay until my flight at the end of the month

 

[Dibleyy]

Leave the country as soon as you can. No point in furthering your relationship with this nigga.

A lot of the old heads pretty much had kids for no reason. They really had no interest in actually being great fathers.

I want to leave but I wasted a lot of money and the summer flights rn are super pricey, I can’t afford to pay $700 for a flight change 15 days earlier than the original date.

 

[Dibleyy]

You’re a guest and they keep on talking about you doing chores. These lot want to turn you into their personal maid LOL.

What a hateful bunch.

And the maid is the one saying it too! He’s allowed me to be disrespected by a lady with a bastard child who’s man abandoned them telling me how no man will want me

 

[Adeer_Boomer]

Had a nigga like that for a father, although a bit different since I am a guy but he did try to get my sister married off to some dude, and I tricked him to give me the walaya which he did only to take it back later. I do give him his monthly money, but otherwise, there's no relationship and before that I made sure to tell him how irresponsible he's been over the years for having over 30 children and not raising a single one of them. Some of my siblings cut me off but I don't regret it. Parents who don't do their job should be told off, save me that bullshit of keeping silent.

And yea, leave and cut him off. Imagine if you were younger, or unsuspecting? Being a dad is something that you must earn by taking care of your children until they're adults and even then, being there for them for hard times and when they need you. You don't become a dad for pumping couple times and leaving your seed behind.

 

[Angelina]

And the maid is the one saying it too! He’s allowed me to be disrespected by a lady with a bastard child who’s man abandoned them telling me how no man will want me

The maid is being disrespectful because she’s clocked the energy. Maids bounce off the people paying them. If your dad and his family were treating you well, she’d be too scared to talk this way. She’s literally regurgitating what she’s been hearing around you. Let’s be real, she knows nothing about you, but your step mother has clearly been filling her ears with nonsense.

I don’t want to make you feel bad hun. But your dad and his wife are nasty like seriously nasty. Btw, don’t take if personally some Somali men’s loyalty towards their kids depends on whether they’re still married to the mother. It’s got nothing to do with YOU. Believe me, if your mother was still in his life, he’d be miskeen with you and if he ends up leaving his current wives, those little kids would be treated like a burden with such quickness as well.

In saying all of this, just think about your Akhira, be nice, smile whilst you’re there and keep yourself safe. A man like that as a father isn’t to be trusted with your well-being.

Once you get to America, you can call him up and tell him in a respectful tone how much he’s abused his position as a father ect and then keep it minimum and get on with your life. It’s important he fully knows how you feel whilst keeping a respectful tone.

 

[Afeik_Abiy]

You should work on being financial independent and cutting yourself off from your family altogether for a while. From your other posts it seems that all of them are pretty harmful to your mental health. Is there a full time job or degree you're working towards?

 

[Angelina]

Had a nigga like that for a father, although a bit different since I am a guy but he did try to get my sister married off to some dude, and I tricked him to give me the walaya which he did only to take it back later. I do give him his monthly money, but otherwise, there's no relationship and before that I made sure to tell him how irresponsible he's been over the years for having over 30 children and not raising a single one of them. Some of my siblings cut me off but I don't regret it. Parents who don't do their job should be told off, save me that bullshit of keeping silent.

I don’t think she should keep silent, but she should maintain a respectful tone. I think kindness kills more and tbh, this world is temporary anyways. No point jeopardizing it for a selfish middle aged man.

As for providing, I don’t think she should give him a cent. Islamically as a young unmarried woman, she should be provided for by him. If he isn’t asking her for money now, he will. I have female friends that have a father life yours and like clock work they come out of the wood work asking for money despite these girls already having a lot of financial obligations.

 

[Adeer_Boomer]

I don’t think she should keep silent, but she should maintain a respectful tone. I think kindness kills more and tbh, this world is temporary anyways. No point jeopardizing it for a selfish middle aged man.

As for providing, I don’t think she should give him a cent. Islamically as a young unmarried woman, she should be provided for by him. If he isn’t asking her for money now, he will. I have female friends that have a father life yours and like clock work they come out of the wood work asking for money despite these girls already having a lot of financial obligations.

How can you respect someone who is willing to ruin your life by selling you into loveless marriage?
I am not saying insult him, but just tell them damn truth. Like yo dad, you fucked up, you're irresponsible and here's why. And because of that, I ain't gonna have a relationship with you, bye.

That's it. I don't like how people give parents this greenlight to do whatever, if a parent is clearly acting in a way that's incosistent with Islam, they should be told to chill, but some of them won't like my dad. When you see that there's no hope for them, cut them off and move on. If you can, give them money if they need it because that's easier than faking a relationship with them.

 

[محمود فارح]

Give him a monthly sum while staying away from him and not coming to him, and at the same time talk to him in a respectful tone, because in the end he remains your father and life is short, as she said @Angelina