Love bombing: Affection today. Abuse tomorrow.

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

It's important to recognise early warning signs of abuse.

One tactic is called 'lovebombing'.

I suggest you read the entire article.

Love bombing: Affection today. Abuse tomorrow. | Solace

On Valentine’s Day 2021, we ran the #FleetingLove campaign to highlight how abusers shower their partners with affection as another chance to use coercive control. #FleetingLove gives a stark reminder of how ‘love bombing’ can play a part in the cycle of abuse. Just like in real life, abuser’s...

www.solacewomensaid.org

Here are some excerpt of the article:

Love bombing is where an abusive partner is bombarding ‘love’ onto their victim and is part of emotional abuse and coercive control. It could include excessive affection, excessive compliments, declarations of love, gifts and praise. It may also be wanting to move quickly into a commitment because they ‘can’t live without you’, showering of gifts or lavish treatment, and promises of a perfect life together

Love bombing can be part of early signs of abuse in a relationship, what we often call ‘red flags’. It can also be used in the ‘reconciliation’ phase of the abuse cycle, especially after an incident of abuse.

Love bombing becomes an effective tool to abusers as they exert coercive control over a partner. This quick acceleration of romance quickly breaks down barriers we put up, it causes us to become attached to our perpetrator, they ‘hook’ us into the relationship. This strategic affection and declarations of love are also accelerated when the abuser feels they are losing their control, that the survivor may be wanting to flee or to make up for an abusive incident. They promise the survivor a future with them that she 'could' put up with.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Although everyone’s experience of abuse in a relationship is unique, here are some of the common
effects of love-bombing.

• It breaks down a survivor’s walls and makes her invest in the perpetrator as he is ‘too good to be true’. She is flattered into love.

• We often hear women saying it all felt ‘too good to be true’ and use terms like ‘he seemed perfect at the beginning’, ‘I was the apple of his eye at the start’ or ‘he was the dream man’.

• It keeps the survivor hopeful when it all goes bad (the reconciliation part of the abuse cycle).

• It can give survivors false hope of a real loving relationship and an incentive to stay with the abuser.

• It sometimes makes survivors feel guilty to leave as they owe the perpetrator another chance due to kind behaviour.

• It gives the abuser something to look back on, ‘we started to well, let’s get back to that’, which is called ‘retrospective trauma bonding’.

• It can leave survivors feeling confused, isolated and exhausted

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Emily’s Story​

In the early days of our relationship I remember my ex-partner was so overly affectionate and full on.
It started pretty soon after we got together – he would buy me lovely gifts and take me on elaborate dates, I was really flattered and amazed that he was doing so much to impress me.

He always said ‘I’m obsessed with you’ and ‘you’re the first person I’ve ever felt like this about’ – it made me feel really special but looking back it was a red flag that things weren’t right. Our relationship moved really quickly – he wanted to meet all my friends, and soon he didn’t want me to see them without him. He said it was just because he wanted to be with me all the time – I had no space to be myself.

He pressured me to move in with him and got me to change jobs, and always masked his controlling action as his care for me ‘I’m trying to show you how much I care’ he would say and ‘I’m doing it all for your own good’.

We had some really good times - especially when we went away on holiday and had a break from reality – he showed me type of person I wanted him to be. But as soon as it came, it disappeared again and I was left waiting and hoping that things would be good again.


When the physical abuse started he used to use affection and gifts to make me stay, to make me think he cared, to make me forgive him.

I remember one night he attacked me violently and the next day he was so being kind and asking what food I would really fancy and where he could take me for dinner. It was so confusing at the time – now I can see it was all part of the control and manipulation of an abusive relationship.

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

Love bombing is real. Do you think it can exist on both sides of the relationship though? Also, do you think parents can also behave in that way with their children

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Love bombing is real. Do you think it can exist on both sides of the relationship though? Also, do you think parents can also behave in that way with their children

I think both men and women can lovebomb, for sure. It's not just one gender, it's just most commonly seen in abusive men. People who are intense early on are not to be trusted.

Parents? No.

It's natural for parents to bond with their offspring intensely early on, it's biologically ingrained in us. If this didn't happen, mankind wouldn't even survive.

 

[Amber]

I've never seen you as a considerate individual, exactly. Which shocks me that you at of anyone would do this topic

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

I think both men and women can lovebomb, for sure. It's not just one gender, it's just most commonly seen in abusive men. People who are intense early on are not to be trusted.

Parents? No.

It's natural for parents to bond with their offspring intensely early on, it's biologically ingrained in us. If this didn't happen, mankind wouldn't even survive.

Why do you think men lovebomb?

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

Why do you think men lovebomb?

To lay the groundwork so that the victim finds it difficult to leave, see post 2 for further explanation.

 

[Calaami]

Lovebombing is filthy stuff wlle

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

I've never seen you as a considerate individual, exactly. Which shocks me that you at of anyone would do this topic

I'm always warning vulnerable people to protect themselves against bullshit.
Put some RESPEK on my name.

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

would you say this is another reason why couples seeking marriage should date for a longer period of time preferably a year prior to marrying and settling down just to gauge their prospects emotional stability and commit-ability

 

[Nilotic]

From sixr to strategic incompetence and now love-bombing... dating-relationships have morphed into something truly scary

 

[Kane]

Love bombing in and of itself is harmless, and ineffective as bait, on most women. Except for those suffering from low self esteem or self loathing.

But when combined with abuse and delivered via a system like Intermittent reinforcement, it creates a complete cycle of pain& pleasure (addiction). Which turns the victim into a willing pray by causing them a serious case of Stockholm syndrome.

 

[Kane]

From sixr to strategic incompetence and now love-bombing... dating-relationships have morphed into something truly scary

the knowledge of dark psychology was only available, to governments and special interest groups. Now in the Information Age most of it is finding its way to the public.
This is nothing I’m afraid of what’s to come.

 

[Sophisticate]

If you are highly empathetic, someone with fixer tendencies or a people pleaser, you could fall for love bombing.

And love bombing isn't simply a matter of showering someone with compliments. It could be many gifts or gifts too soon, over-the-top affection, showy displays of wealth, insincere compliments, acts of service too quickly, moving hastily in the getting-to-know-you process, and overstepping boundaries. So essentially, it's whatever appeals to you but in excess.

Most well-adjusted people do not fall for it most of the time. On the contrary, they address it for what it is. Though sometimes, people become vulnerable 'situationally.' During periods of their lives when things aren't going as well, which could be for many reasons. For example, move to a new city alone and know no one (for school or work). Issues with health, finances or family. Life transition, i.e. separation/divorce or widowed. A dramatic change in appearance (accident, aging, disease, weight gain/loss). It's also easier for the love bomber to accomplish their goal if they have amiable traits, like being attractive and financially stable. Even if they look good on paper, it's healthier to part ways.

I don't think all love bombers intentionally profile. Some do so subconsciously and are anxiously attached, people who may be insecure. Narcissists also love bomb but not all narcs partake in this.

 

[𐒁𐒚𐒒𐒂𐒘𐒂𐒗 𐒎𐒚𐒗𐒗𐒒]

would you say this is another reason why couples seeking marriage should date for a longer period of time preferably a year prior to marrying and settling down just to gauge their prospects emotional stability and commit-ability

I say do dilligent research , pray istikharah and listen to your gut/intuition. No need to drag it out for a long time, but no need to rush either.

 

[Kalsoon]

imagine getting love bombed but not realizing it at first due to limerence? Whew.