this is from the same website
SANTA ARRESTED FOR TERROR LINKS
Posted on November 15, 2009 by figtribune
Santa is taken away by Israeli forces after he donated toys to Palestinian children in Gaza last year. The elf was shot on the spot.
North Pole – In what appears to be a historical counter terrorism arrest, Santa Clause has been named a major suspect by the Department of Homeland Security. In a press conference right before Black Friday’s shopping craze, the US attorney general issued these statements:
“Santa Clause has been under surveillance since 9/11/2001. His long beard and red turban was always a concern.”, he also referenced hard evidence that Santa is connected to Al-Qaeda: “In Christmas of 2005, Santa traveled to Lebanon where he donated ‘toys’ to Christian families and then purchased a Falafel sandwich from Hasan Molla Sandiri. We traced Sandiri’s falafel deep fryer which was purchased from Wal-mart. The deep fryer was made in China in a factory that also produces turbans, and it is believed that Osama bin Laden wears a turban made in this factory.”
Parents were worried about toy deliveries, Santa’s wish lists, and the whole Santa culture. “How the hell am I going to break this news to a five year old boy?”, said a parent, ”My boy wants Santa, not just some unemployed redneck in a depressed mall, but the REAL Santa!” Supporters of the arrest, mainly Glenn Beck fans and other idiots, welcomed this arrest: “It’s about time! I was always uncomfortable with Santa, he looks way too much like bin Laden!”
Local authorities reassured worried parents that Santa’s workshop will remain open and toys will be delivered to white wealthy kids in fancy neighborhoods as always via FedEx or UPS.
“There is no need to worry”, said agent Smith of FBI, “Santa is now being interrogated and humanely water boarded, and as soon as we verify that he is not a Muslim, we will let him go”. The US attorney general said that the Elves can continue working and no charges are brought up against them as long as they don’t convert to Islam or help Muslim charities.
Mrs. Santa declined to comment fearing that her head cover could be mistaken for hijab
Wikileaks report: Santa is real!
Posted on December 8, 2010 by figtribune
The real Santa in a rare photo shown throwing stones at occupying soldiers.
In a shocking revelation by recent documents on Wikileaks, Santa Clause is not only real but in 2004 he converted to Islam. Since then he changed his name to “Sheikh Clause” and has been an activist for Palestinian rights.
Local Tea Party leaders and rednecks are in total dismay. “First it was our president and now it’s Santa, we got to stop Islam from taking over so fast” said a local Tea Party member with an IQ of 25. Other Tea Party members fear that Santa was not white all this time and perhaps born in Kenya or even worse, in Jerusalem.
Others aren’t that worried. James Jengiri of San Antonio Texas is actually happy about the news. “I’m kinda relieved that he’s not a Catholic, now I can relax when my son sits on his lap”, said James.
SANTA ARRESTED FOR TERROR LINKS
Posted on November 15, 2009 by figtribune
Santa is taken away by Israeli forces after he donated toys to Palestinian children in Gaza last year. The elf was shot on the spot.
North Pole – In what appears to be a historical counter terrorism arrest, Santa Clause has been named a major suspect by the Department of Homeland Security. In a press conference right before Black Friday’s shopping craze, the US attorney general issued these statements:
“Santa Clause has been under surveillance since 9/11/2001. His long beard and red turban was always a concern.”, he also referenced hard evidence that Santa is connected to Al-Qaeda: “In Christmas of 2005, Santa traveled to Lebanon where he donated ‘toys’ to Christian families and then purchased a Falafel sandwich from Hasan Molla Sandiri. We traced Sandiri’s falafel deep fryer which was purchased from Wal-mart. The deep fryer was made in China in a factory that also produces turbans, and it is believed that Osama bin Laden wears a turban made in this factory.”
Parents were worried about toy deliveries, Santa’s wish lists, and the whole Santa culture. “How the hell am I going to break this news to a five year old boy?”, said a parent, ”My boy wants Santa, not just some unemployed redneck in a depressed mall, but the REAL Santa!” Supporters of the arrest, mainly Glenn Beck fans and other idiots, welcomed this arrest: “It’s about time! I was always uncomfortable with Santa, he looks way too much like bin Laden!”
Local authorities reassured worried parents that Santa’s workshop will remain open and toys will be delivered to white wealthy kids in fancy neighborhoods as always via FedEx or UPS.
“There is no need to worry”, said agent Smith of FBI, “Santa is now being interrogated and humanely water boarded, and as soon as we verify that he is not a Muslim, we will let him go”. The US attorney general said that the Elves can continue working and no charges are brought up against them as long as they don’t convert to Islam or help Muslim charities.
Mrs. Santa declined to comment fearing that her head cover could be mistaken for hijab
Wikileaks report: Santa is real!
Posted on December 8, 2010 by figtribune
The real Santa in a rare photo shown throwing stones at occupying soldiers.
In a shocking revelation by recent documents on Wikileaks, Santa Clause is not only real but in 2004 he converted to Islam. Since then he changed his name to “Sheikh Clause” and has been an activist for Palestinian rights.
Local Tea Party leaders and rednecks are in total dismay. “First it was our president and now it’s Santa, we got to stop Islam from taking over so fast” said a local Tea Party member with an IQ of 25. Other Tea Party members fear that Santa was not white all this time and perhaps born in Kenya or even worse, in Jerusalem.
Others aren’t that worried. James Jengiri of San Antonio Texas is actually happy about the news. “I’m kinda relieved that he’s not a Catholic, now I can relax when my son sits on his lap”, said James.
