is this true about women?
- Thread starter burhaan
- Start date
True it’s mainly men on the net constantly chatting about traditional values and complaining about women not the other way round
Woman basically want to play both sides.
They're feminist when it's convenient but when it's time to split the bill that's when they wanna act traditional
They're feminist when it's convenient but when it's time to split the bill that's when they wanna act traditional
Some women and some men do think this way. Another commenter said this relates to traditionalism. I believe it’s more about the piety of the individual and how much they value giving their spouse their rights. People who aren’t that religious or knowledgeable only think about having their needs met without understanding they also must do their part. Islam shows us how not to be overly selfish when it comes to marriage. It’s best to avoid people who think like this. They are users.
In 2020 while hanging out on clubhouse I told a room full of Somali women my progressive reviews on dating. I was leftist at the time and pretty much told them I was only interested in 50/50 relationships. As soon as I said that they all laughed and called me a broke ass nigga 
That's when I learned even the ones that appear progressive are very traditional.
That's when I learned even the ones that appear progressive are very traditional.
empressjamila
yktv
There’s both men and women like this. They want the benefits of a traditional spouse but they don’t want to hold up their end of the bargain. I would argue it’s actually more common with men. So many western men will have a woman working full time just like him, split bills 50/50 then when he comes home, he refuses to help her with housework and child rearing. It tends to be selfish people who behave this way
Yes that is why even a woman who make great money still wants a man who makes more to take care of her. The traditional mindset is heavily ingrained into them. Same for men. Even though she makes barely less than him he still wants her to take care of the house. It is what it is.
If you want to be a girl just say so
What would you consider traditional? A miskeen bangmaid that has no financial freedom so you’re not insecure that she’d leave you?
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This mentality is much more common among Somalis than other ethnic groups. Full of selfish narcissists who only think about themselves.
Damn manIn 2020 while hanging out on clubhouse I told a room full of Somali women my progressive reviews on dating. I was leftist at the time and pretty much told them I was only interested in 50/50 relationships. As soon as I said that they all laughed and called me a broke ass nigga
That's when I learned even the ones that appear progressive are very traditional.
, that shit wouldn't fly with themSmart women would be smart enough to pretend and massage a mans ego, whilst doing their thing, a man will provide a lot to a woman who can cook a meal and give blowjobs enthusiastically. Naag saas o kale ma laga maarmi karo you get me
Yep they do. But the question is, do these women get that though?
A lot of is it biological. No matter how high you reach as a woman career wise, once you have kids, your career will take a hit and you’ll need a partner taking care of you. Although Millionaire types are exempt.
And then there is that fear of being left high and dry as a Middle Aged woman. So you get women who actually wouldn’t mind being traditional still wanting to work to put something away in their savings.
It’s complicated, but you’ll always find women that will try and exploit.
A lot of is it biological. No matter how high you reach as a woman career wise, once you have kids, your career will take a hit and you’ll need a partner taking care of you. Although Millionaire types are exempt.
And then there is that fear of being left high and dry as a Middle Aged woman. So you get women who actually wouldn’t mind being traditional still wanting to work to put something away in their savings.
It’s complicated, but you’ll always find women that will try and exploit.
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Being married to 90% of under 55 Somalis would be a damn nightmare. I totally get it when the reasonable, cool Somalis marry out. They don't have a good match for them in the community. Somalis make terrible spouses for the most part.
The characteristics of many under 55 Somali women: aaf taag/resting face and full of negative emotions (I flee when I see this), would rather die than contribute her money to help pay bills, less supportive than other women, manipulative, narcissistic, undiagnosed mental problems, etc.
The characteristics of many under 55 Somali men: too individualistic, emotionless and cold, manipulative, narcissistic, doesn't help with housework, has an abundance mindset, poor coping skills, undiagnosed mental problems, etc
The characteristics of many under 55 Somali women: aaf taag/resting face and full of negative emotions (I flee when I see this), would rather die than contribute her money to help pay bills, less supportive than other women, manipulative, narcissistic, undiagnosed mental problems, etc.
The characteristics of many under 55 Somali men: too individualistic, emotionless and cold, manipulative, narcissistic, doesn't help with housework, has an abundance mindset, poor coping skills, undiagnosed mental problems, etc
Daydreamer
teetering in-between realities
Wow, you’ve finished the Somali community and ripped them into shreds. We really that bad huh?
Daydreamer
teetering in-between realities
Idk about you guys but helping your wife around the house isn’t really that bad and can be a good time to bond (like cooking for example) it’s unrealistic for a man to support a family on one income in this economy and it’s unrealistic to make your wife do all the housework after working a job. Every man and woman wants a traditional spouse but it isn’t feasible to most, people have to compromise and some compromises can actually be a plus. Just my two cents
Daydreamer
teetering in-between realities
Might as well tell @AbdiFreedom to put in spoilers
Women naturally dislike overly cautious and strict men, but they will exploit the weak soft man; so heed this advice from Imam Ahmad:
You will not attain good fortune in your home except by 10 characteristics which you show to your wife, so remember them and be enthusiastic in acting upon them.
1 & 2. As for the first two; women like attention and they like to be told clearly that they are loved. So don’t be stingy in expressing your love for your wife. If you become limited in expressing your love, you will create a barrier of harshness between you and her, and there will be a decrease in affection.
3. Ladies hate a strict, overcautious man, yet they seek to use the soft vulnerable one. So use each quality appropriately. This will be more appealing for love and it will bring you peace of mind.
4. Ladies like from their husbands what their husbands like from them, i.e. kind words, good looks, clean clothes and a pleasant odour. Therefore, always remain in that state.
5. Indeed, the house is under the sovereignty of the woman. While she remains therein, she feels that she is sitting upon her throne, and that she is the chief of the house. Stay clear of destroying this kingdom of hers and do not ever attempt to dethrone her, otherwise you will be trying to snatch her sovereignty. A king gets most angry at he who tries to strip him of his authority, even if he portrays to show something else.
6. A woman wants to love her husband, but at the same time she does not want to lose her family. So do not put yourself and her family in the same scale, because then her choice will be down to either you or her family. And even if she does choose you over her family, she will remain in anxiety, which will then turn into hatred towards you in your daily life.
7. Surely woman has been created from a curved rib, and this is the secret of her beauty, and the secret of the attraction towards her. And this is no defect in her, because ‘the eyebrows look beautiful due to them being curved’. So if she errs, do not rebuke her in a manner in which there is no gentleness, attempting to straighten her; otherwise you will simply break her and her breaking, is her divorce. At the same time do not let her off upon that mistake, otherwise her crookedness will increase and she will become arrogant with her ego. Thereafter, she will never soften for you and she won’t listen to you, so stay in between the two.
8. It is in the women’s nature to be ungrateful towards their husbands and to deny favours. If you were to be nice to her for her whole life but you grieved her once, she will say, “I have never seen any good from you”. So don’t let this attitude of her make you dislike her or to run away from her. If you dislike this feature of hers, you will be pleased with some other good habits within her, so create a balance.
9. Surely there are times when a woman goes through some conditions of bodily weakness and fatigue of the mind. Such that Allah has relieved her of some of her compulsory worships during that period; Allah has totally pardoned her from praying, and has postponed the days of fasting for her within this break to a later date until she regains her health and becomes normal in her temperament once more. Thus, during these days, treat her in a godly manner. Just as Allah has relieved her of the duties, you should also lessen your demands and instructions from her during those days.
10. Last but not least, know that a woman is like a captive with you. Therefore, have mercy upon her.
Marriage is very similar to constructing a building. It requires a strong foundation that can withstand the storms and shocks of stress. The adhesive that binds couples together is love and mercy. By acting on the following guidelines, Insha-Allaah, our marriages will become more enjoyable, love will increase and we will attain success in both worlds.
1.) Always make duaa for one’s spouse and for a happy marriage.
2.) Adopt taqwa (Allaah consciousness) and be mindful of your duties to Allaah F at all times, as piety is the stepping stone to a beautiful moral and spiritual character.
3.) Create an Islamic environment at home, as this will bring peace and serenity in your lives.
4.) Do not be concerned with fulfilling your own religious duties. It is your religious and moral obligation to encourage your spouse and children towards their Islamic duties with love, wisdom and patience.
5.) Acquaint yourself with the knowledge, reality and responsibilities of marriage. Remember that marriage is not only fulfilment of carnal desires but fulfilment of responsibilities.
6.) Under no circumstances should you compel your spouse or children to obey you in any act that contravenes the commands of Allaah F. At the same time, you should not succumb to the un-Islamic dictates of your spouse and children.
7.) If any problem or dispute arises in the marriage, then always turn to Allaah F for help and guidance first. If the problem persists, consult a pious experienced elder or aalim for advice.
8.) Live simply. Don’t be jealous of those who seem to be living a more luxurious life than your family. Sustenance is from Allaah F. In order to inculcate contentment, look at those people who have less than you, not those who have more.
9.) Be mindful of your discussion topics. Never discuss things with others about your marriage that your spouse would not like to discuss, unless there is an Islamic reason to do so. Some husbands and wives, believe it or not, complain to others about their spouse’s physical appearance. This is a recipe for disaster. Information about your intimate relations should be kept between you and your spouse.
10.) As far as possible, try to have meals together as a family. Express your appreciation, whether the cook is the husband or wife. Rasulullaah SAW would not complain about food put in front of him. Do not look for faults.
11.) Exchange gifts. This creates love.
Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal gave the following advice to his son on his wedding day:
Dear son,You will not attain good fortune in your home except by 10 characteristics which you show to your wife, so remember them and be enthusiastic in acting upon them.
1 & 2. As for the first two; women like attention and they like to be told clearly that they are loved. So don’t be stingy in expressing your love for your wife. If you become limited in expressing your love, you will create a barrier of harshness between you and her, and there will be a decrease in affection.
3. Ladies hate a strict, overcautious man, yet they seek to use the soft vulnerable one. So use each quality appropriately. This will be more appealing for love and it will bring you peace of mind.
4. Ladies like from their husbands what their husbands like from them, i.e. kind words, good looks, clean clothes and a pleasant odour. Therefore, always remain in that state.
5. Indeed, the house is under the sovereignty of the woman. While she remains therein, she feels that she is sitting upon her throne, and that she is the chief of the house. Stay clear of destroying this kingdom of hers and do not ever attempt to dethrone her, otherwise you will be trying to snatch her sovereignty. A king gets most angry at he who tries to strip him of his authority, even if he portrays to show something else.
6. A woman wants to love her husband, but at the same time she does not want to lose her family. So do not put yourself and her family in the same scale, because then her choice will be down to either you or her family. And even if she does choose you over her family, she will remain in anxiety, which will then turn into hatred towards you in your daily life.
7. Surely woman has been created from a curved rib, and this is the secret of her beauty, and the secret of the attraction towards her. And this is no defect in her, because ‘the eyebrows look beautiful due to them being curved’. So if she errs, do not rebuke her in a manner in which there is no gentleness, attempting to straighten her; otherwise you will simply break her and her breaking, is her divorce. At the same time do not let her off upon that mistake, otherwise her crookedness will increase and she will become arrogant with her ego. Thereafter, she will never soften for you and she won’t listen to you, so stay in between the two.
8. It is in the women’s nature to be ungrateful towards their husbands and to deny favours. If you were to be nice to her for her whole life but you grieved her once, she will say, “I have never seen any good from you”. So don’t let this attitude of her make you dislike her or to run away from her. If you dislike this feature of hers, you will be pleased with some other good habits within her, so create a balance.
9. Surely there are times when a woman goes through some conditions of bodily weakness and fatigue of the mind. Such that Allah has relieved her of some of her compulsory worships during that period; Allah has totally pardoned her from praying, and has postponed the days of fasting for her within this break to a later date until she regains her health and becomes normal in her temperament once more. Thus, during these days, treat her in a godly manner. Just as Allah has relieved her of the duties, you should also lessen your demands and instructions from her during those days.
10. Last but not least, know that a woman is like a captive with you. Therefore, have mercy upon her.
ETIQUETTES OF SPOUSES
The family is the nucleus of an Islamic society and marriage is the only way to bring families into existence. A healthy Muslim society depends on a sound Islamic environment. Happy couples make happy families, who make healthy societies. The union of two souls is the fibre which weaves society together. For this reason, Nabi H emphasized the importance of appropriate conduct after marriage so that it endures and becomes the ‘coolness of the eyes’, in the words of the Qur’an. A happy marriage is not made in heaven, nor does it flourish on its own. It has to be continually nurtured and preserved. Marriage can be a source of enormous tranquillity, yet it can also become a root of the greatest pain, sorrow and heartbreaks. Once two people have committed themselves to each other they should move mountains in order to stay together. It takes time and effort to blend two lives. Many marriages do not last because partners take the view that if it does not work, they will simply end the marriage. This shows lack of commitment, a lack of drive and is deficient by nature. This marriage is almost doomed from the start.Marriage is very similar to constructing a building. It requires a strong foundation that can withstand the storms and shocks of stress. The adhesive that binds couples together is love and mercy. By acting on the following guidelines, Insha-Allaah, our marriages will become more enjoyable, love will increase and we will attain success in both worlds.
1.) Always make duaa for one’s spouse and for a happy marriage.
2.) Adopt taqwa (Allaah consciousness) and be mindful of your duties to Allaah F at all times, as piety is the stepping stone to a beautiful moral and spiritual character.
3.) Create an Islamic environment at home, as this will bring peace and serenity in your lives.
4.) Do not be concerned with fulfilling your own religious duties. It is your religious and moral obligation to encourage your spouse and children towards their Islamic duties with love, wisdom and patience.
5.) Acquaint yourself with the knowledge, reality and responsibilities of marriage. Remember that marriage is not only fulfilment of carnal desires but fulfilment of responsibilities.
6.) Under no circumstances should you compel your spouse or children to obey you in any act that contravenes the commands of Allaah F. At the same time, you should not succumb to the un-Islamic dictates of your spouse and children.
7.) If any problem or dispute arises in the marriage, then always turn to Allaah F for help and guidance first. If the problem persists, consult a pious experienced elder or aalim for advice.
8.) Live simply. Don’t be jealous of those who seem to be living a more luxurious life than your family. Sustenance is from Allaah F. In order to inculcate contentment, look at those people who have less than you, not those who have more.
9.) Be mindful of your discussion topics. Never discuss things with others about your marriage that your spouse would not like to discuss, unless there is an Islamic reason to do so. Some husbands and wives, believe it or not, complain to others about their spouse’s physical appearance. This is a recipe for disaster. Information about your intimate relations should be kept between you and your spouse.
10.) As far as possible, try to have meals together as a family. Express your appreciation, whether the cook is the husband or wife. Rasulullaah SAW would not complain about food put in front of him. Do not look for faults.
11.) Exchange gifts. This creates love.
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