If you wanna marry a Somali girl

[Hali]

That is how it should be. But because of high cost of living and salaries not matching this, many men will struggle to provide fully by themselves. Yes, this also includes professional men who have good jobs. It really isn't a straight forward as 'you shouldn't be marrying him'.

But then that’s your struggle if you chose to do that
The Islamic guidelines is one thing and what you and your partner have come up is between you two
But at the end of the day
That’s one of your rights you’ve given up
You can’t negotiate his rights
Because you’ve given some of yours up

 

[QueenofKings]

But in the Deen that’s not your job
Regardless that’s his responsibility
And if he’s not willing to do that
You shouldn’t be marrying him

Good advice, but in London a man needs to make no less than 4K/month after tax to support a wife,and maybe 1 small child (that’s about 70k per year before tax). To have healthy savings and more than one child he needs much more. Which young person earns that much?

No woman is purposefully seeking out a broke brother. It just so happens in the diaspora young people are not the high earners. And that problem is worse in black and ethnic minority people.

 

[Bronco]

If that is the case, why do men in this day and age not see providing as wholly their job? I don't think its fair for women to be told cleaning is their job when in the average household women are helping financially.

When you look at the state of marriages these days, it seems men get a much better deal. You get a woman that pays for stuff, but also does most if not most of the household cooking, cleaning, birthing kids and child rearing.

Most people like anything in life live in between the extremes. I know exactly one gaalo couple that splits everything right down the middle including household labour. Her husband also earns less than her. She's a little OCD and keeps a schedule on her phone. Works for them, but that doesn't seem like an enjoyable life to me, and I'd wager for most people.

In most relationships, at least from my experience, men aren't the sole providers - but they do disproportionately contribute financially. Likewise, women de facto handle the bulk of household labour. I am not neccesarily disagreeing with you. Many women are in relationships where they bring far more to the table. And what happens? It breaks. Swinging the pendulum the other way, I.e. mercury's list makes just as little sense. Forget as a man, why would I as an individual cripple myself financially, watch my wife squirrel her entire income away and STILL roll my sleeves up to cook for us?

Ideal situation is a SAHM with a sole breadwinner. If that's not possible, compromises need to be made by both parties.

 

[bobsburger]

Your wife deserves to feel loved and appreciated

Simp

 

[SOMALIKNIGHT]

I have said this a few times before. @Mercury is not a man but a woman acting like a man to spread the pro-feminism agenda. She never tells us what a wife should do or is expected to do, only what the husband should do. You should read her old posts where women can do no wrong and it's always the man's fault. She is the same as the crazy feminist women on social media except he is really a she with a hijab (I hope she has a hijab). It's haram to change sex roles and it is one of the biggest sins and should stop if she had any fear of Allah.

 

[Hali]

Good advice, but in London a man needs to make no less than 4K/month after tax to support a wife,and maybe 1 small child (that’s about 70k per year before tax). To have healthy savings and more than one child he needs much more. Which young person earns that much?

No woman is purposefully seeking out a broke brother. It just so happens in the diaspora young people are not the high earners. And that problem is worse in black and ethnic minority people.

I know
I’m just talking Islamically to have the best possible marriage and not trangress against one another
The reality is vastly different and our environment
Doesn’t help
I’m not married and I ain’t trying to be either
So I can’t tell you the logistics
Take my words with a grain of salt

 

[Mercury]

I have said this a few times before. @Mercury is not a man but a woman acting like a man to spread the pro-feminism agenda. She never tells us what a wife should do or is expected to do, only what the husband should do. You should read her old posts where women can do no wrong and it's always the man's fault. She is the same as the crazy feminist women on social media except he is really a she with a hijab (I hope she has a hijab). It's haram to change sex roles and it is one of the biggest sins and should stop if she had any fear of Allah.

One thing I remember you saying was how you find cooking emasculates a man and the wife is gonna divorce you if she sees you cooking

if you think cooking for your wife is emasculating Why is your masculinity (doubt it's there to begin with) so fragile?

 

[Angelina]

But then that’s your struggle if you chose to do that
The Islamic guidelines is one thing and what you and your partner have come up is between you two
But at the end of the day
That’s one of your rights you’ve given up
You can’t negotiate his rights
Because you’ve given some of yours up

Islamically, a man is encouraged to help his wife. The prophet s.a.w did it. So how is a woman not doing all the cleaning taking away his right?Sis, no marriage ever works on thats 'your struggle'. Your whole advice is, if you help your husband, you shouldn't expect help from him. That sounds like pure xaasidnimo.

Also if you want to get deeper majority of madhabs are of the opinion that cooking and cleaning is not an Islamic duty of the wife, but it is one she does out of kindness. What then?

 

[Abdisamad]

That is how it should be. But because of high cost of living and salaries not matching this, many men will struggle to provide fully by themselves. Yes, this also includes professional men who have good jobs. It really isn't a straight forward as 'you shouldn't be marrying him'.

I like you Angelina. You are a very smart lady. And I completely agree in this time and age we live in its important to have two incomes instead of just only one. And the house chores like cooking and cleaning should be a shared task and not only for the wife.

 

[Bernie Madoff]

Lemme post this for old times sake mercury

@Ferrari @Atoore

 

[Hali]

I like you Angelina. You are a very smart lady. And I completely agree in this time and age we live in its important to have two incomes instead of just only one. And the house chores like cooking and cleaning should be a shared task and not only for the wife.

Great please don’t act like your the man then

 

[Hali]

Islamically, a man is encouraged to help his wife. The prophet s.a.w did it. So how is a woman not doing all the cleaning taking away his right?Sis, no marriage ever works on thats 'your struggle'. Your whole advice is, if you help your husband, you shouldn't expect help from him. That sounds like pure xaasidnimo.

Also if you want to get deeper majority of madhabs are of the opinion that cooking and cleaning is not an Islamic duty of the wife, but it is one she does out of kindness. What then?

If he wants a wife he can get a wife
If he wants a partner he will get a partner
But this in the middle thing is not gonna work
If you want to be the man act like a man and if you don’t
Sit down and don’t act up
But still islamicaly you have rights and he has rights and that’s the only way you’ll get the best possible outcome
And where is your evidence for the madhaahib

 

[QueenofKings]

The avg household income is only £30,800 after taxes. It's only up 2.7% when adjusted for inflation, not to mention the drop in home ownership among 24-35yr olds. Saving up for a 5-12% down payment on a £235,000 house is impossible on one person's salary unless you live like a monk. If your families aren't helping out financially, the "Husband works, wife's a stay at home mother" era's dead wallahi.

Facts, at least while people are under 35/40

I think a lot of people here are too young to understand the cost of living because they’re still being taken care off either by parents or student loans.

 

[Win]

Islamically, a man is encouraged to help his wife. The prophet s.a.w did it. So how is a woman not doing all the cleaning taking away his right?Sis, no marriage ever works on thats 'your struggle'. Your whole advice is, if you help your husband, you shouldn't expect help from him. That sounds like pure xaasidnimo.

Also if you want to get deeper majority of madhabs are of the opinion that cooking and cleaning is not an Islamic duty of the wife, but it is one she does out of kindness. What then?

One of the rights of the husband is obedience from the wife. If he tells her t do those things and it doesn't burden her, then she can't refuse.

However, I agree with your last posts. If a man wants his rights to be fulfilled, he has to be the sole provider of the family. If he cant, then he shouldn't expect his rights to be fulfilled either.

 

[Wervelwind]

When you look at the state of marriages these days, it seems men get a much better deal. You get a woman that pays for stuff, but also does most if not most of the household cooking, cleaning, birthing kids and child rearing.

That's because women allow stuff like this to happen.

 

[Factz]

Most people like anything in life live in between the extremes. I know exactly one gaalo couple that splits everything right down the middle including household labour. Her husband also earns less than her. She's a little OCD and keeps a schedule on her phone. Works for them, but that doesn't seem like an enjoyable life to me, and I'd wager for most people.

In most relationships, at least from my experience, men aren't the sole providers - but they do disproportionately contribute financially. Likewise, women de facto handle the bulk of household labour. I am not neccesarily disagreeing with you. Many women are in relationships where they bring far more to the table. And what happens? It breaks. Swinging the pendulum the other way, I.e. mercury's list makes just as little sense. Forget as a man, why would I as an individual cripple myself financially, watch my wife squirrel her entire income away and STILL roll my sleeves up to cook for us?

Ideal situation is a SAHM with a sole breadwinner. If that's not possible, compromises need to be made by both parties.

Notice how there are threads about how to treat and take care of women but no thread on how to treat and spoil a man? Like men are humans too and they have feelings. The relationship should be equal. Both parties should value each other equally one shouldn't have more appreciation. That's not real love.

I believe both traditional and modern relationships are great. It's only wrong when you pick both elements when it's convenient for you because all you're doing is exploiting your partner and trying to be a leech. If you want your husband to contribute to the household chores then you should work and contribute financially i.e rent and bills. If you don't work and your husband is the sole provider then be a full-time housewife. The relationship should be fair for both spouses.

 

[Sloane Ranger]

Notice how there are threads about how to treat and take care of women but no thread on how to treat and spoil a man? Like men are humans too and they have feelings. The relationship should be equal. Both parties should value each other equally one shouldn't have more appreciation. That's not real love.

I believe both traditional and modern relationships are great. It's only wrong when you pick both elements when it's convenient for you because all you're doing is exploiting your partner and trying to be a leech. If you want your husband to contribute to the household chores then you should work and contribute financially i.e rent and bills. If you don't work and your husband is the sole provider then be a full-time housewife. The relationship should be fair for both spouses.

I agree with your point btw. Which category do you and your wife fight into? Traditional or modern?

 

[Sumaaya]

There are a lot of married men on here, tolow maxaa meesha keenay?

 

[Sumaaya]

Islamically, a man is encouraged to help his wife. The prophet s.a.w did it. So how is a woman not doing all the cleaning taking away his right?Sis, no marriage ever works on thats 'your struggle'. Your whole advice is, if you help your husband, you shouldn't expect help from him. That sounds like pure xaasidnimo.

Also if you want to get deeper majority of madhabs are of the opinion that cooking and cleaning is not an Islamic duty of the wife, but it is one she does out of kindness. What then?

100%, say it louder for the people at the back

 

[Factz]

I agree with your point btw. Which category do you and your wife fight into? Traditional or modern?

Traditional and she enjoys staying at home being a housewife. It made her life much easier. She really hated her job. Plus, she knows she doesn't need to work since I make enough.