I ruined my brother's life

[Ronaldo Nazario]

I'm 18 as of writing this thread and 4-5 years ago both my younger brother and I were put into foster care both my brother and I have an 11 year age difference between my brother and I so for most of my life I've been an only child and most people found that strange since most Somali families have hoards of children but I've always wanted a sibling so I could relate to others and felt like I was missing out.

I remember my grandma taking me to visit my mother in the hospital after my brother's birth they even let me hold my new sibling I couldn't be any happier at that moment but little did I know my life would change drastically

My mother was the root of it all-I wasn't blessed with the best mother she had extreme anger issues and very sadistic it seemed everyday she beat me to a pulp she got some sort of satisfaction from it from punching to biting to beating me with knives and all sorts. Everyday I asked god what did I do to be the son of a witch- I'm better off dead. I asked for death for a while and mind you I'm 8-10 years old. Both her and my aunt my mother took care of my physical abuse while my aunt verbally abused me and made me feel worthless I remember one time at 11 she s*xually abused me I won't go into detail but only a few people in my personal life know about this

This gives you a perspective on the type of household I grew up in and now I certainly wouldn't want my brother to experience such a life I first ran away from home with my brother at 13 and he was 2 turning 3 after witnessing my mother strangling him and that's what made me make up my mind after I ran away we were found by the police and when I explained everything we were shortly placed into the foster care system we were both taken to live with this Jamaican lady in the South of London in a very dangerous borough.

Now this lady was the worst and always treating me bad but was nice to my brother-I don't know what her problem was but she constantly told my social workers and tried to make it seem as though I was a bad child always I was very quiet introverted and stayed in my room for most of the time since all these people were strangers to me. She then kicked me out one day and my social workers had to find me another career and when they did they told I'll be seeing my brother once every 2 weeks and now I especially feel some type of way about this.

Children my age live with their younger siblings and get to see them everyday they wake up but I'm restricted from seeing him and only given 2 weeks

Now one day my social worker sits me down and has serious news to tell me she says that my brother is autistic and now immediately when I hear this I panic and started to break down but she says everything will be okay but it really won't

Now fast forward 5 more years and I'm 18 and my brother is 7 I've already left the system and my brother's still in it and lives with this caadan lady until his father's assessments are done and he can go and live with him which I advocate for aswell

It seems all the adults in my life just don't understand where I'm coming from social workers don't really care what's going on with me and my family sides with my mother despite them witnessing my abuse and their only justification is 'she your mother and the key to jannah is underneath her feet'

worst part is when I used to do shopping with my foster carers or out in public with them I'll have Somali aunties eyeing me down as If I've done something wrong and internally I feel as though I'm the one in the wrong. And every Somali person I tell my story to they side with my mother and posted my story on a islam subreddit to get some islamic guidance and I did get good advice but other were saying they beg allah they don't curse people with children like me all in all very strange.

I've failed myself and my brother and I seem him regularly but I just wish his situation was a lot better and from the day he was born to our current predicament

just like the adults in my life have failed me. I have failed him

 

[Yami]

Don’t beat yourself up man. You did the right thing getting him out of that environment

 

[techsamatar]

We don't get to pick our family or the body we find ourselves in for this temporary journey. Don't be too hard on yourself for things outside your control; your only say is in how you see things. Remember, what you always have power over is how you react. Let this be your motivation and determination, with your brother at the heart of your waking moments and the inspiration behind your pursuit of excellence.

Regarding your mother's actions, you won't be held accountable for her deeds, and vice versa. Focus on fulfilling your part in the faith during your earthly journey. Holding onto resentment won't bring you any benefits. Now that you're 18 and officially an adult, you're free from the vulnerabilities of the past. Forge your own path, but maintain ties with your family. Keep in touch as a responsibility, a checklist, to ensure you can show you've done your part when you face Allah.

At 18, I assume your current focus is on elevating yourself, building a career, and securing the means to take your brother out of the system and provide him with proper upbringing. Given that you're in London, feel free to dm me, and I'll offer some guidance to help you navigate and put you on some networking Links outside of the forum.

 

[NOT-ACTIVE]

Wallahi you have nothing to be ashamed of. You did your best to take care of yourself and your brother at such a young age. You should be proud of yourself. Not many have the strength and courage to go through what you went through.

Who gives a shit what those hooyos or redditors think about you. If everything you said is true, Allah will judge you by your intentions.

Also, your brother is still young. There's plenty of time to help him grow into a good young man. You didn't ruin his life, you probably saved it taking him out of such a toxic environment. He will thank you one day.

 

[Periplus]

In Islam, your parents have rights over you but you also have rights over them. They have obligations to uphold to their children and if they’re not fit to meet it then it’s not your fault.

 

[Soul Kaizer]

You did the right thing for your brother the people trying to justify it with islam are idiots who have no clue what you and your brother went through.

Dont feel bad as you did nothing wrong.

 

[Soul Kaizer]

In Islam, your parents have rights over you but you also have rights over them. They have obligations to uphold to their children and if they’re not fit to meet it then it’s not your fault.

Exactly they lack all understanding but that 1 statement and run with it.

It causes more harm than good giving people false advice with religion.

 

[Soul Kaizer]

I would try and keep as much contact as possible for with your brother and when you feel like you have enough money you should try and have him move in with you.

 

[Soul Kaizer]

The title “i ruined my brothers life” is false infact you saved him from possible death or child abuse.

 

[Al Adnani]

This is very sad to hear Im very sorry this happened to you brother. Lot of Somali parents are extremely abusive what you did was what you thought was right at the time you were under a lot of pressure at a young age. Maybe try contacting extended family to help your situation, if you are from my subclan I can reach out if you would like just shoot me a message.

 

[techsamatar]

This is very sad to hear Im very sorry this happened to you brother. Lot of Somali parents are extremely abusive what you did was what you thought was right at the time you were under a lot of pressure at a young age. Maybe try contacting extended family to help your situation, if you are from my subclan I can reach out if you would like just shoot me a message.

During a lengthy journey, I had the opportunity to engage in a conversation with an uncle who happened to be the driver. He shared some intriguing insights, particularly about the experiences of millions (or perhaps he used this figure for dramatic effect in his narrative) of Abtis and fellow drivers who had undergone divorces. According to him, the common thread in these stories was the frustration stemming from the perception that one would never get their way in the relationship. He ventured into a perspective on the nature of Somali women, asserting that they are often characterized as hard-headed. In his view, minor issues could lead to husbands being ousted from their homes. He drew a comparison with South Asians, highlighting their tendency to stick together despite problems, driven by a commitment to family and children. He went on to connect this observation to what he perceived as a significant factor contributing to the challenges faced by the bad Somali youth. In his opinion, many of them grew up in single-parent households, where mothers believed that fathers were not essential—a circumstance that, according to him, contributed to the difficulties experienced by the younger generation.

I just Relayed a conversation with a Taxi driver and this was his narrative, Incase any Macaan Halimo comes for my throat.

 

[canjeeroiyoshah]

Your story is unbelievably sad, my thoughts and prayers are with you brother. You haven't failed anyone and this is a test. You will get through it inshaa'Allah.

 

[Hodan from HR]

I'm lost for words..

None of this is your fault. You did what you thought was the best at that moment. Find peace in knowing how life turned out for you and your brother was already written, part of the qadr. You were just the sabab/reason for him to end up in the current situation..

 

[AbrahamFreedom]

You did the right thing. The only issue here is you were dealt with a shitty hand. I am very sorry you are going through this.

It is easier said than done but please do not let Somalis' judging ways get to you. Please ignore them. Many are mentally unwell. The community is for the most part mean-spirited and toxic. I would also advise that you completely cut off any involvement with Somalis during this time, except those you can 100% trust. They will destroy your soul and your sanity. They have alot less empathy than other people. If they have any solutions, it won't help you (like to obey your elders, "ignore it", etc). You did nothing wrong; what is wrong is the Somali culture that traumatized and victimized you. Don't seek any support from the Somali community. They will not help you. I have personally seen countless examples.

Now that you're 18, it may not work anymore but for your brother, I would advise you to contact the college governing social workers' and other professionals' conduct in the UK (don't bother reporting them to their manager). You can file a complaint with them if they do any funny business with your brother. I would first threaten them that you will do this if these people don't take you seriously. This will scare them. I would also purposely avoid any social worker who is on the older side or has too much experience. These people have compassion fatigue and only come to work for the paycheque. They aren't there to help you. You can also complain to the government or MP. They take misconduct very seriously.

You will need help navigating the system that is full of corrupt, lazy and evil gatekeepers. You will need to make "legal threats". I am happy to help you if you need it. Please message me if you do.

Unfortunately, you will need to grow up faster than others in your age group. You also need to consider telling the police about what your aunt did to you. You will need to be strong and it will be scary but she must to be tried in court. She did not care about your well-being so please don't care about hers. Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.