@ditto
I experienced the same thing when I was around 18. I went on a music forum, and most of the members were atheist and had threads dedicating to mocking religion and denying the existence of God. They would say stuff like " Prove that God exists, big bang theory,evolution"and they would win the argument against a few Muslims on there who didn't have good Islamic knowledge. I was confused and had doubts to the point Islam had no bearing in my life but alhamdullilah I kept my agnostic believes to myself and didn't tell my parents or family anything.
After a couple of years I just got depressed, and realised I wasn't happy with my life and felt empty. Subhanallah i remember even studying buddhism as a way of life lol but their whole idea of incarnation just felt empty compared to Heaven. I wasn't interested in Christianity because of them viewing Jesus a man as a God, and didnt bother with Judaism. I then decided to pray again, and raised my hands in the air to Allah crying that he guides me on the right path.
That's when I bought myself a copy of the Quran in English translation. I could read the quran, but I had no understanding of its meaning and what it contained. Wallahi I was so surprised at what it contained, it was like for the first time at the age of 22 I was reading the Quran despite being born a Muslim and reading it throughout my youth. All the questions I had were answered in it, my faith increased, my heart was at ease and truly even reading it translated i realised that without a doubt that this is not the word of man but the word of God.
The foolish stuff people use to say on forums felt so stupid when I read the Quran. About the existence of God and so forth. For example, one of the verses that hit me was
35. Were they created by nothing, or were they themselves the creators? 36. Or did they create the heavens and the earth? Nay, but they have no firm Belief.(Surah Tuur)
Does it make sense that this world you see was made from nothing that it came just to be? Were we created from nothing? The earth we live on, the sun, the moon, the sky, the mountains, the flat land we walk on, the rain, the wind, the air we breath, the fruits, the vegetation, the cattle, the ocean, the endless creatures on this earth, the changing of night and day, creation of Humans, these are all the signs of Allah and that this world has a creator. These Atheists think they are smart but it only takes a fool to believe that there is no creator. Look at this example Allah gives us of how misguided people are
73. O mankind! A similitude has been coined, so listen to it (carefully): Verily! Those on whom you call besides Allah, cannot create (even) a fly, even though they combine together for the purpose. And if the fly snatched away a thing from them, they would have no power to release it from the fly. So weak are (both) the seeker and the sought.(Surah Hajj)
Those who worship idols/false deities other than Allah, those who don't believe in God can't even create something as small as a fly, and if the fly took something them from them they could not regain it. Imagine something small as a fly? Humans who have become so prideful with this technological advancement, forget them creating something to the level of the human eye, brain, hand, they can't even create a fly.
If you realise that all this didn't come about by nothing then you have to accept that there is a creator, and if there is a creator he didn't leave us alone in this world and brought us guidance. And what is the guidance he sent to mankind? His prophets and Messengers from the time of Adam, Nuh, Ibrahim, Moses, Issa to Prophet Muhammad. Calling the people to what? To worship the one true God Allah, to not associate partners with him, to do good deeds and stay away from sin and to prepare for the Hereafter where our actions in this life will determine whether we will have eternal bliss in heaven or join those who have disbelieved and been misguided by Satan and their nafs in the hellfire.
As Muslims we should know that life is a test. God created Adam, he asked the angels and iblis to prostrate down to Adam. The angels complied whilst Iblis didn't obey and refused to prostrate to Adam. What was the conversation between God and Iblis afterwards? That iblis out of envy and hatred for Adam he promised God that if he gave him respite till the day of judgement that he would misguide Mankind.
11. And surely, We created you (your father Adam) and then gave you shape (the noble shape of a human being), then We told the angels, “Prostrate to Adam”, and they prostrated, except Iblis (Satan), he refused to be of those who prostrate.
12. (Allah) said: “What prevented you (O Iblis) that you did not prostrate, when I commanded you?” Iblis said: “I am better than him (Adam), You created me from fire, and him You created from clay.”
13. (Allah) said: “(O Iblis) get down from this (Paradise), it is not for you to be arrogant here. Get out, for you are of those humiliated and disgraced.”
14. (Iblis) said: “Allow me respite till the Day they are raised up (i.e. the Day of Resurrection).”
15. (Allah) said: “You are of those allowed respite.”
16. (Iblis) said: “Because You have sent me astray, surely I will sit in wait against them (human beings) on Your Straight Path.
17. Then I will come to them from before them and behind them, from their right and from their left, and You will not find most of them as thankful ones (i.e. they will not be dutiful to You).”
18. (Allah) said (to Iblis) “Get out from this (Paradise) disgraced and expelled. Whoever of them (mankind) will follow you, then surely I will fill Hell with you all.”
Sister so don't you see? It's us mankind against Iblis and his armies. What is the one thing he wants from mankind? For us to disbelieve in God and join him and his followers in the hellfire. Its surreal to imagine how many people have been misguided by Ibliis. Those who worship idols, those who worship the sun/moon, those worship a man, those who worship Angels, those worship jinns, those who are atheist and don't believe in God etc. Iblis has misguided many of the children of Adam, but I hope you will not be one of those people and that instead you take refuge in Allah and hold firm to your faith that there is No true God worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is his servant and Messenger.
You made the mistake of going on exmuslim sites without firm knowledge in your faith. Inshallah stay away from these places, and instead read the Quran in English everyday, pray your five times a day and ask Allah to guide you, and inshallah you will see your faith increase. This life is short but the next life is eternal.
There is no stronger and clearer faith than Islam. Its shows us the reason and purpose of life, why we are here and what is waiting for us. Answers you wont find anywhere else. Looking back at my doubtful times, I always compare how bleak and empty my life felt as if I was dead man walking, and then alhamdullilah how Islam brought life back to this living body with a deal soul.
122. Is he who was dead (without Faith by ignorance and disbelief) and We gave him life (by knowledge and Faith) and set for him a light (of Belief) whereby he can walk amongst men, like him who is in the darkness (of disbelief, polytheism and hypocrisy) from which he can never come out? Thus it is made fair-seeming to the disbelievers that which they used to do.(Al-Ancaam)
