You won't believe some patients we've had on these floor these last couple months.
One who stuck a sausage up his arse for pleasure and was too embarrassed to come in quickly enough when he couldn't retrieve it. Basically, his asshole ate the sausage and caused an obstruction thereby fucking up his bowels, and now he has a colostomy for the rest of his life.
Another one involved a gay couple who's partner shoved a fucking apple up his arse and couldn't get it out so it had to be surgically removed. This one escaped the incident untarnished long-term.
Another one is a repeat pt on the floor bc he would use the temples of his glasses to insert into his urethra (fucking hell, right) and cause himself horrible infections
And as recently as last night, I had a dude who shot meth into his penis, which also had a cock ring on it, that kept having trippy paranoid episodes involving his penis all night due to withdrawal symptoms.