I don't want to be a married single mom

[Halimo-2018]

There is your answer you "dated" a guy who is actually that way would have not dated you.

Oh how else would he marry me if doesn’t court me? Would go to his father asking for his hand? We courted not sleeping together
stupid shit

 

[Sophisticate]

A solid list for a woman that understand the responsibility of choice, that being said number 6 is bit unfair.

This one is a bit unfair tbh. My dad has a two wives but I have personally witnessed the bad side of the marriage such that I would not even think about getting more than 1 wife.

I understand this could serve as a cautioning tale. I realize people have zero control over what their parents do, but in idyllic circumstances, a family history or formation mirroring my own resonates with me the most. It's nothing personal.​

Those are all traits of people with emotionally absent parents or divorced parents. The data on parental divorce is insane, which is in fact not seen in the children of widowed mothers (kids of widowed mothers have the same positive outcomes as two parent households).

I'm not averse to the notion that people can overcome adversity or learn to reparent themselves. Though I just noticed different energy from brothers depending on their familial dynamics. Abdis that had their parents together with an involved aabo seemed the most well-adjusted. Those with emotionally distant or physically absent fathers could be great people all around and can't be blamed for what is out of their control though I noticed they were slightly more jaded.​

this is a nice list. Some you can find out about the guy right aways. However some you can't find out cuz many of them present their best self and lie. Some are even worse who will continue those lies until you got your 1st child together, then they switch up on you. I've heard so many women say "I did everything I was supposed to do before marriage. Asked the correct questions. had family members assess him. ran a through background check, looked in his socials......etc" and he still became a whole another man after 1-2 children. Many women theorize that men stay on their best behavior until they've trapped you/you can't leave/or got no options for remarriage.

You won't know some details, but using a combination of intuition and educated guesses from what you know about them is better than shooting in the dark.

Maybe it’s because they have unhealthy attachment? Maybe they are comfortable only around a certain type? Because that’s all they know. For the most part, I don’t believe people are intentionally seeking to harm themselves.

You put over dramatic alongside sensitivity. Did you mean to keep them separate? Since he would have to have a level of sensitivity or awareness to his feelings in order to not be emotionally detached.

It's possible to be overdramatic and hypersensitive.

I am not speaking of an emotionally aware and attuned sort of person that's sensitive to the needs or feelings of others and quite emotionally intelligent. Essentially one who enjoys delighting in drama, theatrics and rabble-rousing (instigating/infaming others) and likes to dish destructive criticisms but does not like to be on the receiving end and is hypersensitive.​

For numbers one and six, do you reject them once they tell you this?

I just prefer men like me. I can appreciate any human being for their uniqueness and idiosyncrasies. I observe and study them with a sense of warmth person-to-person but a bit of nonchalance. I have, however, been very exacting regarding nimaan for marriage. I don't think I'm alone in this. As @AbdiFreedom has said, being very cautious is quite common since marriage requires a lot of intentionality and thought and, if done so aimlessly, can have disastrous consequences. I think it's important to think of the children and suss out whether a man would make a good father, if he keeps his word, is dutiful, disciplined, inclined to monogamy and sexual fidelity and is financially astute having shown tangible proof of this in the here-and-now while being on his purpose and devoted to the Most High.​

 

[Odious Delirium]

Oh how else would he marry me if doesn’t court me? Would go to his father asking for his hand? We courted not sleeping together
stupid shit

You don't need to sleep with someone for it to be haram "dating" neither did I assume that

And there is no commitment in a talking stage so that was all on you and still has nothing to do with a guy being miskeen or not

And for all we know since there is no context you could have potentially sabotaged yourself which lead to your heartbreak

 

[Kane]

How would such a woman know he’d be like that after marriage. Baring in mind, those men aren’t unemployed. They simply work and do nothing else whilst their wives work and do everything else.

So you’re admitting that women marry men they know nothing about, interesting.

If a man marries a working women like yourself ,who doesn’t believe in financial contributions, in the modern economical climate. I think he has equal right to not take part in the house chores, it’s either team work or nothing. You want your cake and to eat it too, that’s why your likes seek out simps. who will accept anything as long as cookies are on the table. And you have the audacity to speak of men, war wuxu indha adagaa.

Allah has given men the power to choose as well. Everyone knows that marriage in Islam can be a test and we know that the best of men and women throughout our Islamic tradition have been tested with horrible partners.

I’m not speaking of choice in general, but sexual selection. Where women are given the absolute authority since they possess the eggs.

Modern women unlike their mothers choose excitement over security, and cry when the lover boy leaves them after getting bored. Basically what they themselves do to honest miskiin guys.

Your babble is nothing but misogynistic bile and that’s the issue with redpillers. There is an inherent lack of fairness and accountability for men, for women their abuses, when they’re wronged ect is all put on them and their ‘choices’ yet when men are wronged it’s put down to Westernization and the issues of the ‘modern’ woman. You’re smarter than that. Stop it.

Men and women should be held accountable for their actions, but there is no denying that modern women choose fun over responsibility.

What makes your comment vile is that you’re now blaming women for being taken advantaged of, abused, manipulated and the list goes on. Every wrongs in her marriage is due to her and her choices. Even though you know that men can love bomb, can hide their real faces can be narcissist who have a good rep in the community and the list goes on. You only know someone very well once you live with them or travel with them. That is a fact. Marriage will always be a gamble, but us women are meant to be able to predict the future. One minute we’re weak and need men to make decisions for us and having our rights stripped because of that, the next minute we need to have the power to be able to look into the future and always make the right decisions. That’s the issue with misogyny, it’s illogical and inconsistent.

This is the exact same argument used by men, who are against a woman’s right to choose spouse. This is how far some of you women will go just to avoid accountability. It’s comical and sad at the same time.

You said that you know how women are though studying and your history of women you aren’t married to. So don’t lie now.

Maybe me and those women were having long chats over the phone, and In doing so I figured out their female nature. Just by the use of modern day technology.

Any woman that marries you would be devaluing herself. That’s the ironic part. You can’t have a good marriage with a man who lacks empathy or has severe issues with women, which you do.

The women in my life would disagree, but then again you’re used to simps and I’m used to rational women.

no number 6 is not unfair

Why not?

 

[Angelina]

So you’re admitting that women marry men they know nothing about, interesting.

Muslim women don’t cohabit or date for extended periods of time. We get to know a guy and introduce him to our dads In which he does the remaining background checks.

If a man marries a working women like yourself ,who doesn’t believe in financial contributions, in the modern economical climate. I think he has equal right to not take part in the house chores, it’s either team work or nothing. You want your cake and to eat it too, that’s why your likes seek out simps. who will accept anything as long as cookies are on the table. And you have the audacity to speak of men, war wuxu indha adagaa.

I’m not speaking of choice in general, but sexual selection. Where women are given the absolute authority since they possess the eggs.

A man needs to choose a woman, the same way a woman chooses a man. This sexual selection you’re talking about is nonsense. Especially coming from a Somali. We’re not gaal. We don’t date for extended periods of time. You choose each other, speak and get fathers involved. Or in some cases your family introduce you to each other.

Modern women unlike their mothers choose excitement over security, and cry when the lover boy leaves them after getting bored. Basically what they themselves do to honest miskiin guys.

I thought you said we choose ‘simps’? Surely simps aren’t exciting but do our bidding and are loyal? That’s the issue, your misogyny has reached a point in which you’re all over the place. Stick to one theme. One min we choose for fun, the next we go for simps who are reliable. You literally just throw around phrases you’ve learn in your little redpill course.

Men and women should be held accountable for their actions, but there is no denying that modern women choose fun over responsibility.

Lol, men choose for fun too? Even more so than women so what are you on about.
The amount of men that will date and marry the worst of women and then cry when she cheats or takes some of his money.

This is the exact same argument used by men, who are against a woman’s right to choose spouse.

Those men are retarded, because for every woman in a situation in which she choose the wrong man, there are 5 over men who choose wrong as well. Marriage is a gable for both. Actual prophets in Islam ended with wicked women and they were the best of men. That is what happens when someone is filled with prejudice, they loose all sense of rationality.

Your point overall is incredibly Incredibly illogical. Men get screwed over as well. So maybe they too shouldn’t have the right to choose? That is why I say you lack accountability with regards your gender. When men do get screwed over, words like ‘accountability’ aren’t used. Instead you feel sorry for them and rant about the problems of ‘modern women’. Perpetual victims. It’s rather feminine. Basically you want to hold women accountable but molly coddle men.

This is how far some of you women will go just to avoid accountability. It’s comical and sad at the same time.

Also, guess what we’re not allowed to marry men without our fathers permission as he’s meant to do background checks. Why Do you think that is? Because IslaM understands that men can predators.

Maybe me and those women were having long chats over the phone, and In doing so I figured out their female nature. Just by the use of modern day technology.

You can’t figure people out through long phone calls and if speaking to a select women who probably aren’t going to tell you everything makes you think you have an authority on women, then you’re clearly an idiot.

The women in my life would disagree, but then again you’re used to simps and I’m used to rational women.

A rational woman chooses the man that will treat her the best. Not one that thinks he knows women through redpillers and his overblown emotions. Hardly anything you say is backed by studies or research.

Why not?

 

[Kane]

Muslim women don’t cohabit or date for extended periods of time. We get to know a guy and introduce him to our dads In which he does the remaining background checks.

I guess you have no standards or criteria, and the responsibility falls to your father.
So if anything goes wrong with your marriage, its his fault for dropping the ball on your choice of man. Now i get it.

A man needs to choose a woman, the same way a woman chooses a man. This sexual selection you’re talking about is nonsense. Especially coming from a Somali. We’re not gaal. We don’t date for extended periods of time. You choose each other, speak and get fathers involved. Or in some cases your family introduce you to each other.

women choose men and men either approach women or accept them.

here is the math… 80% of men find 80% of women attractive and 80% of women find 20% of men attractive.

That’s why you and your gang of feminists settled for nerds, you’re afraid to compete with the younger prettier girls. Your age group is slowly becoming, the 20% of women men are blind to.

I thought you said we choose ‘simps’? Surely simps aren’t exciting but do our bidding and are loyal? That’s the issue, your misogyny has reached a point in which you’re all over the place. Stick to one theme. One min we choose for fun, the next we go for simps who are reliable. You literally just throw around phrases you’ve learn in your little redpill course.

Women in your age group choose nerds out of security, but women in their late teens early 20’s choose excitement over security.

Lol, men choose for fun too? Even more so than women so what are you on about.
The amount of men that will date and marry the worst of women and then cry when she cheats or takes some of his money.

Only a select men, the top 20% have the ability to choose fun, the rest of the 80% just want honest, loyal women worthy of mothering their children. Where as 80% of women in the west will choose fun, just for the simple fact they can without any effort.

Those men are retarded, because for every woman in a situation in which she choose the wrong man, there are 5 over men who choose wrong as well. Marriage is a gable for both. Actual prophets in Islam ended with wicked women and they were the best of men. That is what happens when someone is filled with prejudice, they loose all sense of rationality.

Your point overall is incredibly Incredibly illogical. Men get screwed over as well. So maybe they too shouldn’t have the right to choose? That is why I say you lack accountability with regards your gender. When men do get screwed over, words like ‘accountability’ aren’t used. Instead you feel sorry for them and rant about the problems of ‘modern women’. Perpetual victims. It’s rather feminine. Basically you want to hold women accountable but molly coddle men.

Also, guess what we’re not allowed to marry men without our fathers permission as he’s meant to do background checks. Why Do you think that is? Because IslaM understands that men can predators.





You can’t figure people out through long phone calls and if speaking to a select women who probably aren’t going to tell you everything makes you think you have an authority on women, then you’re clearly an idiot.

Restrain yourself and stop with the personal insults nayaa, see you no longer consider me a zani. That was my goal and I accomplished it with your aid.

A rational woman chooses the man that will treat her the best. Not one that thinks he knows women through redpillers and his overblown emotions. Hardly anything you say is backed by studies or research.

“Her best” is subjective for you it’s a miskiin nerd that makes you feel like a “queen”. for another, it’s a man that makes her reconnect with her femininity as Allah intended. Feminine women are the happiest women in the world.

 

[Halimo-2018]

You don't need to sleep with someone for it to be haram "dating" neither did I assume that

And there is no commitment in a talking stage so that was all on you and still has nothing to do with a guy being miskeen or not

And for all we know since there is no context you could have potentially sabotaged yourself which lead to your heartbreak

First of dating doesn’t mean what you think it does for me. Shukansi is part of our culture how worse is one suppose to be married? Is halal too as long nothing happened between us. The guy was shy I was doing most of the talking he was the one that started to chase me as a friend first. I would never in a million years expected him to mistreat me by ending things the way he did. All I am saying is girls shouldn’t expect shy geeky men to be any nice just because of that. Anyone can mistreat you regardless .

 

[Odious Delirium]

First of dating doesn’t mean what you think it does for me. Shukansi is part of our culture how worse is one suppose to be married? Is halal too as long nothing happened between us. The guy was shy I was doing most of the talking he was the one that started to chase me as a friend first. I would never in a million years expected him to mistreat me by ending things the way he did. All I am saying is girls shouldn’t expect shy geeky men to be any nice just because of that. Anyone can mistreat you regardless .

And with that I agree
I only came at you because I don't like any of our brothers or sisters being generalised that was my only gripe I don't have an issue with you

 

[Angelina]

I guess you have no standards or criteria, and the responsibility falls to your father.
So if anything goes wrong with your marriage, its his fault for dropping the ball on your choice of man. Now i get it.

Doesn’t work that way. A woman gets to know a guy, tries to look for red flags, but ultimately her father needs to do background checks because it takes a man to know her man. That’s basically Islam 101. Learn your deen.

women choose men and men either approach women or accept them.

When a man is approaching, what is he doing? He’s choosing the one he wants. Basic common sense there.

here is the math… 80% of men find 80% of women attractive and 80% of women find 20% of men attractive.

That’s a fake study. It was also based on an app with a sample size of like 20 candidates. Can you please stop peddling fake studies?

That’s why you and your gang of feminists settled for nerds, you’re afraid to compete with the younger prettier girls. Your age group is slowly becoming, the 20% of women men are blind to.

You’re unhinged. Show me the studies please. Also, my husband is far from a nerd. Everything you’re saying is redpill that has no connection to real life marriage trends or my own life.

Women in your age group choose nerds out of security, but women in their late teens early 20’s choose excitement over security.

We’re not all gaal.

Only a select men, the top 20% have the ability to choose fun, the rest of the 80% just want honest, loyal women worthy of mothering their children. Where as 80% of women in the west will choose fun, just for the simple fact they can without any effort.

Show me the studies? Lol, this is what I mean when I say you come up with false debunked studies and your mere emotions.
This is what I mean, your whole mentality is poor poor men they just want honest women! You don’t hold men accountable and literally brush everything on the bad ‘modern’ woman. It’s pathetic. The 80/20 rule is fake.

Restrain yourself and stop with the personal insults nayaa, see you no longer consider me a zani. That was my goal and I accomplished it with your aid.


“Her best” is subjective for you it’s a miskiin nerd that makes you feel like a “queen”. for another, it’s a man that makes her reconnect with her femininity as Allah intended. Feminine women are the happiest women in the world.

In what way can a man that doesn’t respect womanhood that comes up with emotional views and false studies help a woman ‘reconnect’ with her femininity?

 

[Abdisamad]

First of dating doesn’t mean what you think it does for me. Shukansi is part of our culture how worse is one suppose to be married? Is halal too as long nothing happened between us. The guy was shy I was doing most of the talking he was the one that started to chase me as a friend first. I would never in a million years expected him to mistreat me by ending things the way he did. All I am saying is girls shouldn’t expect shy geeky men to be any nice just because of that. Anyone can mistreat you regardless .

I thought you was a single mother that's why you was bitter and hated us lol.

 

[Halimo-2018]

I thought you was a single mother that's why you was bitter and hated us lol.

I wish I was a single mother. I am rarely jealous of anyone except when I see a woman that can stand up for herself despite all odds against her.

 

[Abdisamad]

I wish I was a single mother. I am rarely jealous of anyone except when I see a woman that can stand up for herself despite all odds against her.

Why do you hate us? Surely we can't all have you wronged

 

[Kane]

Doesn’t work that way. A woman gets to know a guy, tries to look for red flags, but ultimately her father needs to do background checks because it takes a man to know her man. That’s basically Islam 101. Learn your deen.

A woman “tries” to look for red flags when she is aroused by a man, but magically finds 100’s when she is not. Funny how that works huh?

When a man is approaching, what is he doing? He’s choosing the one he wants. Basic common sense there.

He is doing one of two things.

1. Cold approach, a move that makes majority of women very tense, uncomfortable and extremely defensive.

2. Warm approach, After a women signals that she has chosen him. he accepts the offer and joins the company of a woman who is warm, relaxed and very comfortable.

how on earth am I explaining this to you as a man, when you’re suppose to be the woman?

That’s a fake study. It was also based on an app with a sample size of like 20 candidates. Can you please stop peddling fake studies?

sure of course if you say so.

You’re unhinged. Show me the studies please. Also, my husband is far from a nerd. Everything you’re saying is redpill that has no connection to real life marriage trends or my own life.

You want me to show you a study where you and your friends are slowing becoming the 20% of women men are blind to. Lol it doesn’t exists, yet!! But the wall is a perfect illustration of that fact.

We’re not all gaal.

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Show me the studies? Lol, this is what I mean when I say you come up with false debunked studies and your mere emotions.
This is what I mean, your whole mentality is poor poor men they just want honest women! You don’t hold men accountable and literally brush everything on the bad ‘modern’ woman. It’s pathetic. The 80/20 rule is fake.

Where is the proof it was debunked or am I suppose take your word for it, like the nerdy simps you push around.

In what way can a man that doesn’t respect womanhood that comes up with emotional views and false studies help a woman ‘reconnect’ with her femininity?

All you have to offer are your opinions of me and your not the first. Someone else on s-spot that shall not be named, has accused me of being cold and emotionless.

I even had a woman in real life give me the title qalbidhagax, when all the tricks she used on Somali guys, failed to work on me.

you guys are used to effeminate Somali males, who are highly emotional and easy to manipulate. Well news flash not all of us are like that sweetie.

 

[Halimo-2018]

Why do you hate us? Surely can't all have you wronged

It’s called critical only people who are not used to being challenged think being questioned is hate. spoiled brats.
peace

 

[Abdisamad]

It’s called critical only people who are not used to being challenged think being questioned is hate. spoiled brats.
peace

Lool.. Your shit is beyond critique, it's like you have a personal axe to grind with us.. Anyway all of us are not mommas boys.. The world is not always as white and grey as you try to paint it..

 

[Halimo-2018]

Lool.. Your shit is beyond critique, it's like you have a personal axe to grind with us.. Anyway all of us are not mommas boys.. The world is not always as white and grey as you try to paint it..

It looks like that because somali men are never criticized y’all have whole country that pampers you. You never have time to self reflect you have tribalism and 15 year olds to distract yourself with and women to abuse while using Islam as a cover.Peace.

 

[Odious Delirium]

It looks like that because somali men are never criticized y’all have whole country that pampers you. You never have time to self reflect you have tribalism and 15 year olds to distract yourself with and women to abuse while using Islam as a cover.Peace.

I don't know what to say

 

[Abdisamad]

It looks like that because somali men are never criticized y’all have whole country that pampers you. You never have time to self reflect you have tribalism and 15 year olds to distract yourself with and women to abuse while using Islam as a cover.Peace.

Ok.. I'm not sure if you are serious or trolling but this was a very ignorant statement and opinion.. Are you even Somali? For all we know you could be an ajnabi who hates Somalis and Muslims especially when you think Islam is a tool used to oppress women