How long should a girl and guy be talking?

[Yaraye]

I just got news that a somali friend from high school is getting married soon. From what I heard it went the traditional route. Guy liked girl, went to her fam for her hand, fam asked girl, and girl accepted. This marriage made me remember a convo I had. I have always told my friends that 6 months- 1 yr is enough for the talking stage/ getting to know stage. After that a life decision needs to be made. Either you proceed with engagement/ marriage or you drop the guy. Sometimes I'll hear from girls that they have been talking to someone 2 yrs, 3 yrs, and there was an outrageous one that said 7 years (since high school to mid 20s)

If you haven't made a decision within 6 months - 1 yr, then you're just string along the person or you're being stung along. I stand by what I said

 

[Khaem]

I'm not qualified to speak

 

[Yaraye]

I'm not qualified to speak

why? are you string along a girl?

 

[Khaem]

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[Yaraye]

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[Khaem]

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[Yaraye]

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[Odious Delirium]

If you don't have a reason to delay then even 6 months to a year is stringing along just to get to know a person.

1 month to 3 is enough to get all the talking out of the way and come to a decision on whether you want to marry the individual or not.

 

[Dashiki Bucaale]

1 year divorce incoming

 

[Yaraye]

If you don't have a reason to delay then even 6 months to a year is stringing along just to get to know a person.

1 month to 3 is enough to get all the talking out of the way and come to a decision on whether you want to marry the individual or not.

I agree. I said 6months - 1yr so people don't freak out. I think 4-6 months is the mark for me I'm planning on making a questionnaire for my candidates in the future. It will have the following sections: About yourself, About your family, religion/ values, Health history, financial status, expectations from your spouse, future plans, future children upbrings...etc


I'll fill out one and he will fill out one. We will compare answers

 

[Yaraye]

1 year divorce incoming

It's possible to get to know someone in that time if you focus on the important points/questions that need to be asked. Not like your favorite food/color more on your values, how religious a person is, future plans...etc

People with different colors and food can remain long married not those with different foundations

 

[Dashiki Bucaale]

It's possible to get to know someone in that time if you focus on the important points/questions that need to be asked. Not like your favorite food/color more on your values, how religious a person is, future plans...etc

People with different colors and food can remain long married not those with different foundations

Even if said person is perfect on paper, it would be hard to trust them within such a short time frame. Not saying it's impossible just difficult

 

[Khaem]

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[Sophisticate]

I don't nor have I ever talked to anyone beyond a year. I have to see someone's frame of mind and if they are the right fit. My exclusion criteria is long. Men to avoid are:

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

 

[Ozymandias]

I don't nor have I ever talked to anyone beyond a year. I have to see someone's frame of mind and if they are the right fit. My exclusion criteria is great. Men to avoid are:

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Damn I would not make the cut

 

[Yaraye]

Damn I would not make the cut

You may not make the cut for marriage but you can join the harem @Sophisticate?

 

[Ozymandias]

You may not make the cut for marriage but you can join the harem @Sophisticate?

I'm not interested I'm loyal to my one and only girl

 

[Sophisticate]

Damn I would not make the cut

You need not worry bro.

Everyone here would fall of by number 1 or 2. I know one guy that matches IRL.​

You may not make the cut for marriage but you can join the harem @Sophisticate?

I forgot about that.

 

[Odious Delirium]

I don't nor have I ever talked to anyone beyond a year. I have to see someone's frame of mind and if they are the right fit. My exclusion criteria is long. Men to avoid are:

Spoiler

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

other than the not my clan criteria that's a very reasonable list so why aren't you married yet?
what's holding you back or do the men who meet these criterions end up falling short in some way

define what you mean by not as educated because technically if someone hasn't studied the exact courses you have studied then by default they will come out not as educated as yourself.
or are you saying they just generally have to be book smart with a formal education/degree from a university?

 

[Sophisticate]

other than the not my clan criteria that's a very reasonable list

I think clan is reasonable for me and it falls within my specific value system. A man from my clan has the same Somali political beliefs, micro-culture, likely has a similar interest in our clan history and is someone I can feel confident taking to our ancestral cities and investing as well. I can also, get more intel. That and knowing his family makes things a lot easier.

I will also not give full consignment without family approval. I'm keeping it 100.

so why aren't you married yet?
what's holding you back or do the men who meet these criterions end up falling short in some way

I don't date. I'm hard to get to know and usually busy myself with activities outside of fostering romantic relationships. Have I met guys that match. Yes; one currently. I'A we'll see where it goes.

define what you mean by not as educated because technically if someone hasn't studied the exact courses you have studied then by default they will come out not as educated as yourself.
or are you saying they just generally have to be book smart with a formal education/degree from a university?

An advanced degree or two. Essentially comparable to me. Its easier that way.