How do you make holy water?

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Why couldn't the bike stand up? It was two tired.

Why was the broom late for work? Because it over swept

Where does a tv controller go on vacation? To a remote island

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator

How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate his dinner before it was cool.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese

:lol: :lol:
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

When you think about it, shovels were truly a ground-breaking invention.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' catholic

I tried to catch some fog once, but I mist.

My science class went on a field trip to a pencil factory, but I didn't really see the point.

When eating out with friends, I never order seafood. I don't want to seem shellfish.

When some missionaries visited the tribe of cannibals, the cannibals got their first taste of religion.

I'm dating the girl across the street, but I still don't see why some people complain about lawn distance relationships.

My dad got fired from the calendar factory. Apparently, they don't like when people take a day off.

I didn't really enjoy the Hobbit movie. The ending seemed to dragon.

I'm suffering from emotional constipation. I haven't given a shit in days.

Did you hear about the orange boxer? He got beaten to a pulp.

Lately, I've been reading about Anti-gravity. The book is impossible to put down.

What do you get when you cross a pun with a rhetorical question?

I saw a parachute on craig's list that the seller assured me was in mint condition. He said it was used once, but never opened.

I learned sign language because I thought knowing it would be pretty handy.

I've always admired fishermen. Now those are reel men.

I was having trouble with my finances till I got a friend to help. Now I'm even broker.

I always talk to snakes when I need help with social studies. They're experts at ancient hisssssstory.

Did you hear about the scarecrow who got an award? It was because he was out standing in his field.

The buddist monk orders all the toppings he can on a pizza because he wants them to make him one with everything.

My uncle is a seasoned veteran. He's dealt with pepper spray and mustard gas!

The chickens were tired of the father ignoring their requests for a home, so they made a coup.

My dad isn't happy being a glue salesman, but he's stuck with it.

:deargod::deargod: good night
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