How do you guys deal with loneliness? Feelings of nostalgia for Somali company, should I get married?

[Danakiil]

And I'm looking out for you brothers too. You guys think so poorly of Somali women you don't realise that most ajnabi women are far worse than the worsest of xalimos. You guys act like only xalimos are capable of being bad women when thats just not the reality. Don't hate xalimos. Divest. Only to realise 10yrs into a marriage with an ajanbi woman that Somali women weren't so bad after all. Also we all have a duty to our community to protect, and provide for our own people first and foremost. Don't neglect that responsibility

Oh I don't hate Somali tings I just like whoever is attractive to me. If she cadaan Somali indhoyar calibeysteen Madow dhegacas Timo jelec. I have the zoomed mindset of everybody is the same we all human . I believe I can still help out the Somali community no matter who I'm with. There are whorl tribes in the south that exists cause of interracial marriage

 

[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

wow, thanks so much bro, appreciate the words. I want to talk to these guys too, just curious about the life story of a Somali miner in East Anglia and what Leningrad was like back then.

Absolutely, do bear in mind, they did not know me from Adam. That is the Somali way. I learnt a lot from those giants. One was reer Oodweyne, and the other reer Buurtinle, and I made a point of visiting their home towns in my recent visitations to ardu Somal.

 

[Waa dhamatay]

It is a face most of us, who are driven, or wish to excel in life, go through, and whilst it is lonely at first, it is temporary, for post graduation, not only will you have made friends, of your choosing, and not convenience, but the right type of friends, and at your level. For now, what you will want to do is find a Somali mentor, a gentleman, who is successful in his chosen field, an erudite philosopher would be perfect, with whom you could joust in ideas, share observations, and reflections in life at large. He would be a bouncing board, sort of run ideas by him, as and when, esp. on days when assignments pile up, and the brain is no longer attending to deadlines.

I remember being in Yorkshire for my A levels, my first time outside of London, away from family and friends, meeting with a Somali gentleman, a religious Industrial Engineer, who invited me to his house with his wife and two young infants, and would ask his wife, bless her, to make me: a warm glass of milk with honey, and whilst devouring that, he would relay stories of his days at university in Leningrad, former USSR. I enquired about the magic in warm milk wth honey, and he said: milk induces two natural chemicals where one calms the inner self, with the other warming the physiology (I do not quite recall the scientific terms), but indeed that along with the stories would set me straight, and of course a few rounds of boxing in the ring later in the evening. The same thing whilst going to university in East Anglia, where I met with another Somali gentleman, a retired miner, and I would meet with him once or so a week, or invite him to a meal, at weekends, and the conversations had always been reflective focused upon the future.

See, in a young man's life, one is caught up in the present, and finds it hard to see into the future. These gentle giants were brilliant in establishing the nexus between the now and the after. These were good men, both religious, with great morals, and ethics of work, and discipline. Forever grateful, I remain for their time, and counsel. My connection with them was slightly different from that of my dear father, a giant on merit amongst his contemporaries, for these were friendships I formed, nurtured, and benefited from.

Volunteering is worthy, and broadens one's sphere of influence, if networking.

As a young man, in order to build one's confidence, stays healthy, and strong, one MUST pick a skill in the areas of martial arts, MMA, boxing, judo etc. This is a MUST for any young man. It is even a requirement once one has had a family, and in one's later years in life.

Best of luck, stay on track, and strong.

How old are you?

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

Absolutely, do bear in mind, they did not know me from Adam. That is the Somali way.

Ofc it is! Also another reason to preserve your blood line in holy matrimonial homogeny! Somali old heads can see your child and know instinctively they are homogeneously Somali and take them in out of a sense of collective community effort in raising our kids. Like they say, it takes a village to raise a child.

 

[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

How old are you?

Not in my 20s.

 

[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

If you live in a city with a Somali community organization try to sign up and volunteer. Ive met so much people at these community organizations both as a kid and as an adult. You'll enjoy it.

I agree.

The pandemic has helped me complete my transition into a recluse. I stopped going to any community functions and meeting with people. Even my siblings and parents have this issue. We keep each others company at home so it's not too bad I guess.

Oh come now, that is not healthy, my dear Bilan. Socialise. Network. Broaden your horizon. Make mistakes in life. Live a little.

 

[Barni]

To be fair you kind learn to enjoy your own company

 

[Leila]

Growing up I was the middle child as well as the only boy. I have a lot of sisters and they spend most of their time together or with their friends. We have a healthy relationship but not a lot in common. I use to have a lot of Somali male friends growing up but that was in high school. Since then we've all kind of went our own separate ways. One of my friends recently got married, another one is at a different university in another city, and the third went back home to Somalia. I see no Somali guys at my university. And so unfortunately most of my friends are asians/cadaans. Its so draining not having Somali friends that I feel really comfortable and relatable with. I see more Somali women than men, but befriending them is difficult because the assumption is if a Somali guy/gal are talking they must be preparing to marry each other. Going to school and work is made so much more difficult because of this. My parents tell me I'm making them proud and that I shouldn't be worried about the lack of Somalis in my life. They say Somali guys are trouble and would only serve as a distraction. But in reality I feel so uninspired and drained. I feel like a cog in the machine. So I want to take up volunteering at a local mosque that mainly serves the Somali community. I hope in so doing I can enjoy the company of more of my people of all ages, and maybe even make life long friends. I won't have a reason to not be praying all 5 of my salah at the masjid either.

Sometimes I feel so much jealousy for the youth our parents had. A whole country filled with nothing but people who look just like you. I'm angry because I feel circumstances beyond my control (the civil war) robbed me of what otherwise would have been a beautiful childhood in my home country surrounded by family, friends, and a whole country of my very own people. I fear my current circumstances may never change. That time will pass by faster and faster. And with that, all opportunities for great memories made with Somali friends.

Sometimes this great loneliness of Somali company turns into a strong incentive to get married. As being married to a xalimo would mean I would have a Somali friend who's dear to me and always around. Just the thought of having Somali children fills my heart with so much joy. Should I get married?

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[hamar_oo_iidil]

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Exactly. There's something so special about being surrounded by your own kind. I hope Holland is treating you well, I hear its much cleaner than London

 

[DubatDiaries]

I agree.

Oh come now, that is not healthy, my dear Bilan. Socialise. Network. Broaden your horizon. Make mistakes in life. Live a little.

It really isn't healthy, it is a bad habit I have picked up in the last couple of years that I hope to change.

Inshallah 2023 will look different. I have reached out to some old friends and intend on strengthening our friendship. As I get older, I learnt that you need to be more intentional with making friends its not high school anymore.

 

[Kalsoon]

Growing up I was the middle child as well as the only boy. I have a lot of sisters and they spend most of their time together or with their friends. We have a healthy relationship but not a lot in common. I use to have a lot of Somali male friends growing up but that was in high school. Since then we've all kind of went our own separate ways. One of my friends recently got married, another one is at a different university in another city, and the third went back home to Somalia. I see no Somali guys at my university. And so unfortunately most of my friends are asians/cadaans. Its so draining not having Somali friends that I feel really comfortable and relatable with. I see more Somali women than men, but befriending them is difficult because the assumption is if a Somali guy/gal are talking they must be preparing to marry each other. Going to school and work is made so much more difficult because of this. My parents tell me I'm making them proud and that I shouldn't be worried about the lack of Somalis in my life. They say Somali guys are trouble and would only serve as a distraction. But in reality I feel so uninspired and drained. I feel like a cog in the machine. So I want to take up volunteering at a local mosque that mainly serves the Somali community. I hope in so doing I can enjoy the company of more of my people of all ages, and maybe even make life long friends. I won't have a reason to not be praying all 5 of my salah at the masjid either.

Sometimes I feel so much jealousy for the youth our parents had. A whole country filled with nothing but people who look just like you. I'm angry because I feel circumstances beyond my control (the civil war) robbed me of what otherwise would have been a beautiful childhood in my home country surrounded by family, friends, and a whole country of my very own people. I fear my current circumstances may never change. That time will pass by faster and faster. And with that, all opportunities for great memories made with Somali friends.

Sometimes this great loneliness of Somali company turns into a strong incentive to get married. As being married to a xalimo would mean I would have a Somali friend who's dear to me and always around. Just the thought of having Somali children fills my heart with so much joy. Should I get married?

Yes, you should get married. once you have found a long-lasting solution to your loneliness issue. You don't want to come off as being too needy or codependent on her. Don't make any person your entire world.

I tend to keep myself busy to not feel lonely. Mainly in work and the remembrance of Allah. That eases my worries. But, I also don't tend to get feelings of loneliness unless I want to do activities that require a second person. There were times I used to feel the most alone when I was amongst groups of Somalis whether it be friends or family. Mostly because I felt different and didn't like playing a part to be accepted or fit into their groups. Alhamdulillah, I am always true to who I am no matter the people around me. I usually enjoy my own company and tend to take care of myself if any of those feelings creep up. I tell myself this is just another test from Allah and to get through it with the utmost patience. Funnily enough, I joined this site because I wanted the chaos of Somalis without actually being around it.


Not all company is good company (which is what your parents are concerned with) as well even if it's the people at the masjid in my experience. You'll encounter all types of personalities there. Take the good from them and be careful of any negative behaviors you witness. Don't let it affect your iimaan or your overall view of the people at the masjid. You seem kind-hearted so just be cautious and aware of the people you let into your life.