Eid Mubarak guys. How do I get past insecurities regarding my upbringing? I grew up in a single-parent household. My parents divorced when I was a child. My father went on to remarry multiple times and he ended up doing decent for himself and his other children. Me growing up though because my mother was a single mom, life was a struggle for her no matter how hard she tried. We were homeless for the majority of my life, unfortunately, but my mom still worked very hard to provide for me. I never went hungry or anything, she never disrupted my life in any way despite our homelessness, she would take the bus with me every day to make sure I got to school safe, she would always talk to me about my feelings, she would love me, she supported me, she would take me to activities, etc, so I never felt like I was missing anything and I love her. Our lives got better though now that I am an adult and am able to provide for us financially as an engineer, Alhamdulillah, and she is the reason I made it this far.
Growing up though, I always resented people with normal families. For example, I hated the holidays like Christmas because that meant I would be alone with my mom in a shelter most of the time while my friends would tell me about what they were doing with their large families. On Eid even, my extended family would never invite us to do family activities with them because they didn't want to be seen by us by other Somalis because they were afraid of judgment (they would tell us people looked down on us and we are jokes because my mom was single and homeless, people laughed at this), so I always felt lonely and never had the privilege of forming relationships with my cousins and other relatives.
I got over it as I grew up and realized that none of these things really matter as long as I am content with myself and have Allah, but sometimes I find myself feeling bitter and I can't help it. I am a bit insecure because I feel like even though we are fine now my past is still embarrassing and sometimes when Somali guys who want to court me talk to me about their family life, I can't help but think about what my life would have been like if I had a father at least, or siblings to make my family complete. I know it sounds stupid. And sometimes I talk to Somalis and they tell me how their families value coming from a 'good family', and this is the same among all Muslim communities I find, and I get insecure thinking my family isn't up to their standards. How do I get past my insecurity?
Growing up though, I always resented people with normal families. For example, I hated the holidays like Christmas because that meant I would be alone with my mom in a shelter most of the time while my friends would tell me about what they were doing with their large families. On Eid even, my extended family would never invite us to do family activities with them because they didn't want to be seen by us by other Somalis because they were afraid of judgment (they would tell us people looked down on us and we are jokes because my mom was single and homeless, people laughed at this), so I always felt lonely and never had the privilege of forming relationships with my cousins and other relatives.
I got over it as I grew up and realized that none of these things really matter as long as I am content with myself and have Allah, but sometimes I find myself feeling bitter and I can't help it. I am a bit insecure because I feel like even though we are fine now my past is still embarrassing and sometimes when Somali guys who want to court me talk to me about their family life, I can't help but think about what my life would have been like if I had a father at least, or siblings to make my family complete. I know it sounds stupid. And sometimes I talk to Somalis and they tell me how their families value coming from a 'good family', and this is the same among all Muslim communities I find, and I get insecure thinking my family isn't up to their standards. How do I get past my insecurity?