...we were all like, ba'ayeey, guumeeys ayaan kuligeen noqonay!
LOL. Joking.
But, not really joking, sadly...
My closest circle of Somali girlfriends (me included) are all single. We spent our twenties studying and travelling together, and studying some more. All of us ended up with decent careers and stable incomes. Ambition before husbandry. We were absolutely open for dating, but then who would we date?
The Faaraxs at our campus were guys who subscribed to traditional gender norms and seemed to want an Instagram-worthy homemaker. Some Xaliimos fancy that for sure and good for them!
Not all Faaraxs though. Some were unapologetical about choosing Non-Somali women. It's a truth universally acknowledged, after all, that many black men who submerge in white culture and society, seem to believe that a non-black woman grants them some sort of legitimacy. Not all obviously, I know some brilliant interracial couples.
Some Faaraxs were quite apologetical though, apologetical but unrepentant. One of the highlights of my dating life was a Faarax who about 5 minutes into our conversation proceeded to lay out - in vivid detail - his previous relationships. He told me earnestly that he'd never had a relationship with a Somali - fair enough. However he'd dated white models, stewardesses, dancers and some more models...okay? But now, he needed to settle down and aabo would never approve cadaan....okaaay? Then he told me in earnest that he broke off his 4 year long relationship with a Russian model (who was devasted by this, apparently) to try out Somali dating and find someone acceptable.
I had this overwhelming need to punch his effing face. Instead I excused myself to the toilet - and didn't return.
First of all, be a man and own your choices whether they are white or black. Second, respect the women who invest 4 years of their lives with you and be upfront if you know that your relationship has a time limit. And third, don't treat Somali women as second choices!
Unfortunately, this wasn't a singular event in my friends' collective dating life.
So, during our twenties, disillusioned by Faaraxs, most of us tried dating outside the culture. And while I know some women who were successful in this, I suppose success is relative. The price of admission in marrying outside the culture is forsaking a part of your identity. Perhaps you are so lucky to meet a guy who doesn't fetishize blackness and maybe he's even interested and invested in Somali culture. But then you spend your life acting as a cultural translator for him, and you have to work three times as hard to raise your child in somalinimo with a white dad in a white society.
Thus, here we are. In our early thirties, quarantined by corona and with plenty of time to reflect on our singledom.
We've tried Muzmatch - the fact that this app has a "chaperone"-function which allows your dad or uncle to read your chat-transcript, is sufficient description.
We've tried Minder - and no, I don't want no Reza or Aslam.
I even suggested SomaliR4R here, but apparently the only guys who use this page are queer and looking for sham marriages.
So, I guess the morale is, just let your hooyo give out your phone number whenever she visits back home. And the next time your 9th cousin on your ayeeyo's side back in Xiddo sends you a WhatsApp message with the words:
Wllshy iska wrn???? Macaanto Malabeey barasho hrted ha i nicin
Just go with the flow.
tl;dr
How do/did you guys/girls meet people/your spouses? If online, I ask on behalf of all my single somali friends, where online?
GIVE ME MY PLAT. Cause I hate the newcomers overruning this place, so here it is, a typical 10 pagers
credit to reddit,
LOL. Joking.
But, not really joking, sadly...
My closest circle of Somali girlfriends (me included) are all single. We spent our twenties studying and travelling together, and studying some more. All of us ended up with decent careers and stable incomes. Ambition before husbandry. We were absolutely open for dating, but then who would we date?
The Faaraxs at our campus were guys who subscribed to traditional gender norms and seemed to want an Instagram-worthy homemaker. Some Xaliimos fancy that for sure and good for them!
Not all Faaraxs though. Some were unapologetical about choosing Non-Somali women. It's a truth universally acknowledged, after all, that many black men who submerge in white culture and society, seem to believe that a non-black woman grants them some sort of legitimacy. Not all obviously, I know some brilliant interracial couples.
Some Faaraxs were quite apologetical though, apologetical but unrepentant. One of the highlights of my dating life was a Faarax who about 5 minutes into our conversation proceeded to lay out - in vivid detail - his previous relationships. He told me earnestly that he'd never had a relationship with a Somali - fair enough. However he'd dated white models, stewardesses, dancers and some more models...okay? But now, he needed to settle down and aabo would never approve cadaan....okaaay? Then he told me in earnest that he broke off his 4 year long relationship with a Russian model (who was devasted by this, apparently) to try out Somali dating and find someone acceptable.
I had this overwhelming need to punch his effing face. Instead I excused myself to the toilet - and didn't return.
First of all, be a man and own your choices whether they are white or black. Second, respect the women who invest 4 years of their lives with you and be upfront if you know that your relationship has a time limit. And third, don't treat Somali women as second choices!
Unfortunately, this wasn't a singular event in my friends' collective dating life.
So, during our twenties, disillusioned by Faaraxs, most of us tried dating outside the culture. And while I know some women who were successful in this, I suppose success is relative. The price of admission in marrying outside the culture is forsaking a part of your identity. Perhaps you are so lucky to meet a guy who doesn't fetishize blackness and maybe he's even interested and invested in Somali culture. But then you spend your life acting as a cultural translator for him, and you have to work three times as hard to raise your child in somalinimo with a white dad in a white society.
Thus, here we are. In our early thirties, quarantined by corona and with plenty of time to reflect on our singledom.
We've tried Muzmatch - the fact that this app has a "chaperone"-function which allows your dad or uncle to read your chat-transcript, is sufficient description.
We've tried Minder - and no, I don't want no Reza or Aslam.
I even suggested SomaliR4R here, but apparently the only guys who use this page are queer and looking for sham marriages.
So, I guess the morale is, just let your hooyo give out your phone number whenever she visits back home. And the next time your 9th cousin on your ayeeyo's side back in Xiddo sends you a WhatsApp message with the words:
Wllshy iska wrn???? Macaanto Malabeey barasho hrted ha i nicin
Just go with the flow.
tl;dr
How do/did you guys/girls meet people/your spouses? If online, I ask on behalf of all my single somali friends, where online?
GIVE ME MY PLAT. Cause I hate the newcomers overruning this place, so here it is, a typical 10 pagers
credit to reddit,
