Her Name is Hana

[Taij4an]

This happens more often with Somali guys than girls as I've seen. Where a Somali man is clearly not mentally sound and yet the women around his mother keep telling her the reason her son is going through it is because he's single and that the comfort of a woman would lift him out of his depression. This can and often, almost is a major, major problem. Take this Somali girl's story for instance...
She basically had a child out of wedlock with a Somali guy who smoked a lot of weed and had mental health issues. He abused her throughout their relationship which later became a marriage. And his abuses weren't just physical they were through his abusive words. She mentions how he accused her of being a wh*re while he slept around with actual degenerates -this despite having a wife and a child at home.

Unfortunately he ran away to Somalia to inflict more harm on more girls.

Ngl this is a terrible example
This is the classic case of stupid girl from endz falls in love with some crazy guy because she is infatuated with him
there were atleast 10 warning signs that she should never get married to him, unfortunately her love (lust) blinded her heart.
This was all her fault, for entertaining him in the first place, to not using protection while committing zina, to actually committing zina, then after all the abuse and craziness from him she decides to marry him(stupid decision).
@Kane In this situation you be correct about sex making a women attached to you, this happens mostly with young immature women with no deen, she gets infatuated with u then all her logic goes away

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

Ngl this is a terrible example
This is the classic case of stupid girl from endz falls in love with some crazy guy because she is infatuated with him
there were atleast 10 warning signs that she should never get married to him, unfortunately her love (lust) blinded her heart.
This was all her fault, for entertaining him in the first place, to not using protection while committing zina, to actually committing zina, then after all the abuse and craziness from him she decides to marry him(stupid decision).
@Kane In this situation you be correct about sex making a women attached to you, this happens mostly with young immature women with no deen, she gets infatuated with u then all her logic goes away

I agree with you. There was absolutely warning signs. Also she said how her mother saw him in the house regularly and didn't think nothing of it, despite the two of them being unmarried - her mother too made the mistake of thinking it was okay for her daughter to be in her home alone with a guy friend.

 

[Basra]

I am also curious about that too, she said her mother waited 6 months to see a doctor and within 2 minutes the doctor diagnosed her for depression but that she felt there were deeper issues affecting her mother. She didn't actually die of suicide though she made a very good attempt at it, she died of a stomach infection whilst in coma.

Theres so many failings on the part of the public health system that seems to be brushing all mental health issues with a single brush stroke. Its a failing on the part of our community and how we make it difficult for suffers to speak up and be heard. Its a failing on the part of us as men. She said how her father was away overseas but this wasn't appropriate imo - as a married man, if your wife is going through this kind of thing you need to be by her side. She also mentioned how on the day of her mothers' attempt she left her in the company of her brother who clearly did not keep an eye on his mother since she harmed herself when he was suppose to be looking after her. Theres a failing on the part of the religious community for not having any practical solutions to depression instead of force feeding more Qur'an saar and making suffers feel as though they are "cursed" or being test by Allah. Truth is everybody will at some point in their lives experience a mental health illness and the solutions lie in real science-based methods of treatment and community awareness.

@hamar_oo_iidil huuno u r doing a lot of blaming 'others' the failings of the public health. the doctors not dianosing, the father not protecting his family , the community etc etc

The truth is- Depression usually comes in due to life or childhood traumas. That is why daughters should watch their mothers carefully and learn a lesson, otherwise history will repeat itself. Hana tried to repeat history automatically. Religon ie Quraan Sariis helps- but must be coupled with Therapy and medications. Science and Religion needs to work together. Why not? We are lucky we are in age of post enlightenment.

 

[Bernie Madoff]

What kinda grown ass man cries over a podcast

 

[Calaf]

AUN, its shown how mental illness is a silent killer.

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[Kane]

Ngl this is a terrible example
This is the classic case of stupid girl from endz falls in love with some crazy guy because she is infatuated with him
there were atleast 10 warning signs that she should never get married to him, unfortunately her love (lust) blinded her heart.
This was all her fault, for entertaining him in the first place, to not using protection while committing zina, to actually committing zina, then after all the abuse and craziness from him she decides to marry him(stupid decision).
@Kane In this situation you be correct about sex making a women attached to you, this happens mostly with young immature women with no deen, she gets infatuated with u then all her logic goes away

Her man was love bombing her in the first 2 months ( the honey moon period). After that he turned possessive,clingy, jealous, and abusive both physically and verbally.

Those are the characteristics of a man with insecurities, that stem from being sexually inept, lacking in both charm and personality.

A man who fulfills his woman’s primal desires, is never worried about other men.

This is a case of trauma bonding, it’s the only way insecure losers. Lacking in both skill and personality retain and control females, with low intelligence, low self esteem or even a both.

The sad truth about trauma bonding is, female victims never leave such relationships. They interpret the abuse as the highest form of love,it’s sick.

Men who do this are always cowards around other men.

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

Her man was love bombing her in the first 2 months ( the honey moon period). After that he turned possessive,clingy, jealous, and abusive both physically and verbally.

Those are the characteristics of a man with insecurities, that stem from being sexually inept, lacking in both charm and personality.

A man who fulfills his woman’s primal desires, is never worried about other men.

This is a case of trauma bonding, it’s the only way insecure losers. Lacking in both skill and personality retain and control females, with low intelligence, low self esteem or even a both.

The sad truth about trauma bonding is, female victims never leave such relationships. They interpret the abuse as the highest form of love,it’s sick.

Men who do this are always cowards around other men.

This is immaculate bro. Lets talk about and explore why men become cowards and what we can do as a collective to provide young men with better mechanisms to deal with their problems

 

[Siren95]

Subhanallah this story made me cry and sick to my stomach and it sat close to home. I couldn’t stomach to finish the rest of the podcast but I feel so angry and I wished the poor mum got enough help from everyone around her. It surprised me that her children weren’t aware that their mother was going through depression and it took them six months to get their mother diagnosed. Why wasn’t their mother taken to a therapist, especially a Somali therapist who would have helped her deal with her issues? Granted, her friends wouldn’t know because mental illness is such a taboo within the Somali community that the first thing that people say when you tell them you’re going through depression is to have Quran saar because you may be going through evil eye or black magic.

There is a lot of mental health issues pertaining to the Somali community and many forget that the war has had a profound affect on our parents as well as immigration and assimilating to the western world. Many of our parents today faced abuse and inter generational trauma and that trauma sometimes will have an affect on you in later life and can manifest in different ways. I wish her husband was there with her or even asked her to come live with him in Abu Dhabi but sadly a lot of Somali husbands prefer working overseas and barely visit their family. May Allah grant the mother jannatul firdaus ameen.

 

[Siren95]

I am also curious about that too, she said her mother waited 6 months to see a doctor and within 2 minutes the doctor diagnosed her for depression but that she felt there were deeper issues affecting her mother. She didn't actually die of suicide though she made a very good attempt at it, she died of a stomach infection whilst in coma.

Theres so many failings on the part of the public health system that seems to be brushing all mental health issues with a single brush stroke. Its a failing on the part of our community and how we make it difficult for suffers to speak up and be heard. Its a failing on the part of us as men. She said how her father was away overseas but this wasn't appropriate imo - as a married man, if your wife is going through this kind of thing you need to be by her side. She also mentioned how on the day of her mothers' attempt she left her in the company of her brother who clearly did not keep an eye on his mother since she harmed herself when he was suppose to be looking after her. Theres a failing on the part of the religious community for not having any practical solutions to depression instead of force feeding more Qur'an saar and making suffers feel as though they are "cursed" or being test by Allah. Truth is everybody will at some point in their lives experience a mental health illness and the solutions lie in real science-based methods of treatment and community awareness.

I’m not sure what the school system is like in Canada and America but we were taught in school all about depression and the warning signs and I remember my mum became depressed when I was 14 and alhamdullilah the doctor diagnosed my mum and sent her a leaflet that explained depression and me and my sisters who were younger than me made sure to look after my mum and keep an eye out for her. If this happened again in my 20s I would have literally quit my job and made sure my mum’s health came first and I would taken her counselling and told my dad to come live with us until my mother became better. Maybe I’m pointing fingers but Walaahi I feel so hurt and anger for the poor mum especially her husband who never visited his own wife and ensured that she come and visit him. I wish there was more done instead of having Quran read on her all the time. Depression is a difficult subject because I remember going through depression and sometimes reading my adkhars didn’t help or having Quran read on me, I literally did nothing but wait for time to heal me and even then I still suffer from bouts of depression from time to time.

 

[Kane]

This is immaculate bro. Lets talk about and explore why men become cowards and what we can do as a collective to provide young men with better mechanisms to deal with their problems

Men and boys must equally study female nature, to better understand the women in their lives, especially those who they want as romantic partners.

self improvement, in the areas of religion, wealth and body.

Also finding hobbies such self defense, where you build confidence and discipline.

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

I’m not sure what the school system is like in Canada and America but we were taught in school all about depression and the warning signs and I remember my mum became depressed when I was 14 and alhamdullilah the doctor diagnosed my mum and sent her a leaflet that explained depression and me and my sisters who were younger than me made sure to look after my mum and keep an eye out for her. If this happened again in my 20s I would have literally quit my job and made sure my mum’s health came first and I would taken her counselling and told my dad to come live with us until my mother became better. Maybe I’m pointing fingers but Walaahi I feel so hurt and anger for the poor mum especially her husband who never visited his own wife and ensured that she come and visit him. I wish there was more done instead of having Quran read on her all the time. Depression is a difficult subject because I remember going through depression and sometimes reading my adkhars didn’t help or having Quran read on me, I literally did nothing but wait for time to heal me and even then I still suffer from bouts of depression from time to time.

I hope your bouts of depression subside abaayo macaan. We will always be here for you. Things that have helped me when I've felt down in the past have been working out, eating cleaner, journaling. With journaling I focus more-so on my mood and emotions throughout the day and I try to introspectively look at what may have triggered certain emotions and then I adjust accordingly for the next day to remove potential triggers of negative emotions. I also find having a more structured day helps a lot in calming my nerves. Get enough rest too.

Regarding the father abaayo, I also hold him to account but to be fair the father is himself a diabetic, and his stay overseas may have been as a consequence of his ongoing treatment overseas. The girl said he was out shopping for his wife when she broke the devastating news to him. I can't begin to imagine how difficult it would've been for him to have to also go through that and live the rest of his life regretful of not spending more quality time with his wife. May Allah make it easy for him and their family.

A lot of our Somali mothers go through depression in secret, I admire you and your sisters duty to your mothers. I pray Allah blesses you all with righteous children who are there for you just as you were there for your hooyo.

 

[Siren95]

I hope your bouts of depression subside abaayo macaan. We will always be here for you. Things that have helped me when I've felt down in the past have been working out, eating cleaner, journaling. With journaling I focus more-so on my mood and emotions throughout the day and I try to introspectively look at what may have triggered certain emotions and then I adjust accordingly for the next day to remove potential triggers of negative emotions. I also find having a more structured day helps a lot in calming my nerves. Get enough rest too.

Regarding the father abaayo, I also hold him to account but to be fair the father is himself a diabetic, and his stay overseas may have been as a consequence of his ongoing treatment overseas. The girl said he was out shopping for his wife when she broke the devastating news to him. I can't begin to imagine how difficult it would've been for him to have to also go through that and live the rest of his life regretful of not spending more quality time with his wife. May Allah make it easy for him and their family.

A lot of our Somali mothers go through depression in secret, I admire you and your sisters duty to your mothers. I pray Allah blesses you all with righteous children who are there for you just as you were there for your hooyo.

Thank you, that means a lot to me and ameen I have started eating healthy recently because I heard eating processed foods or foods generally high in sugar isn’t good for you and can worsen your mental health. I’m trying to get into journaling but it’s hard writing my thoughts and feelings down because I have a lot that’s going on so it pains me to write about my emotions because everyday seems to be a challenge. But I’m looking into therapy because I believe it’s very useful and beneficial. With the father I understand now him wanting to stay abroad because I know living in a hot climate with access to good foods can help with diabetes, I think it saddens me that more wasn’t done for the mother when she was going through bouts of depression I wish that she stayed in Abu Dhabi for a while until she became better.

 

[hamar_oo_iidil]

Thank you, that means a lot to me and ameen I have started eating healthy recently because I heard eating processed foods or foods generally high in sugar isn’t good for you and can worsen your mental health. I’m trying to get into journaling but it’s hard writing my thoughts and feelings down because I have a lot that’s going on so it pains me to write about my emotions because everyday seems to be a challenge. But I’m looking into therapy because I believe it’s very useful and beneficial. With the father I understand now him wanting to stay abroad because I know living in a hot climate with access to good foods can help with diabetes, I think it saddens me that more wasn’t done for the mother when she was going through bouts of depression I wish that she stayed in Abu Dhabi for a while until she became better.

Processed foods and high-sugar foods deplete us of nutrients and affect our moods for the worse. Clean eating helped me regulate my emotions a lot better.

Journalling for me at first was really hard too abaayo. Especially since I vividly recall when I was a boy I tried to keep a diary - then one day I came back from school and found all my siblings reading through it and scolding me for my feelings/thoughts. After that I refrained from ever recording how I felt and instead kept it all inside. Now I'm getting older and I'm able to revisit that and make amends. Therapy is great but for me, I feel that therapy should only be done for a very specific reason otherwise you run the risk of spending a lot of time and money (and energy) going to therapy indefinitely. For me, my thing is to try and be my own therapist. When its just me I can be a lot more open and get to the root cause of my feelings. You also have to factor in how complex being Somali and living in the west is. A lot of therapist don't understand the dynamics that exist within our community, what its like being black and Somali growing up in the west. What its like being Muslim in the west. A lot of white therapist have already established ideas of what we are and those judgements are mostly informed by the mainstream media. I don't think they understand the dualism of being Somali, being 3rd culture kids.

Also thank you for understanding the father's perspective. I am also really upset at the fact that more wasn't done for Hooyo Hana. We should use her struggle as a wake up call for our community to take more action against mental health.

 

[Grigori Rasputin]

A lot of people are sharing this podcast.

 

[Al-Ma'mun]

Sounds like a waste of time

 

[Grigori Rasputin]

Long story short the lady lost it when her husband married another woman.

He daughter, the narrator of the podcast, deliberately skipped out on this main aspect of the cause of the suicide. What triggered her depression was her husband’s doing.

As a listener please tell us the cause otherwise don’t make a podcast.

Ilaahay ha u naxariisto

Suicide is dambi too. That’s if she was in a sound mind.