Guys - could you ever walk out on your child?

[Mercury]

Respectfully, grown Faaraxs only and no derailing pls.

@YourBroMoe @Cumar

Basically title, and what would you honestly do in his position or advice him.

My cousin in his late 20's is getting divorced and my whole family is up in arms. His parents, my father and even some of his siblings are pressuring him to stay married.

I knew shit was rocky almost a year ago when he skyped my brother. We wrongly thought everything was good again. They lived all the way up North, but his wife hated the city they lived in (kinda dead and cadaan) and wanted to move. At the time he already contemplated divorce (though mostly unrelated to the move), but suddenly 'changed his mind'. Instead he agreed, quit his job, downgraded and moved her to Leicester. Most of her family lives there.

Anyway, recently he came down to see us and got ambushed by my parents and his parents when they heard he wanted to divorce her.

After like 6 hours of getting advice and being lectured and him unresponsively nodding with 'sax, waa run, haye adeer' it was just him, my brother, his brother and me left talking. After a while talking, he revealed he took out a 3 month lease on a shitty houseshare bedroom and hasn't even entered his house in almost a month outside of dropping off diapers and groceries. And then he kind of dropped the bombshell and said he was 'leaving'. When we all agreed that he should definitely divorce her, he said 'you don't understand... not just her, I'm leaving all of it.'

Basically he's walking out on his kid which is ... a lot more severe than just a divorce. He says he has no interest in being in and out his child's life because his soon to be ex wife isn't co-operative or interested in co-parenting. He also doesn't want to 'pathetically sit and follow them around for the rest of his life'. He has already applied for work in Qatar and found something in Glasgow, but he's delaying it in hopes of Qatar getting back to him so family pressure is taken off, so he's pretty serious. Says as soon as the divorce is official, he'll leave his car and whatever he saved up for his ex wife.

Ultimately stating his ex wife was a severe mistake among a lot of other things, but she is neither a bad person, nor stupid so the child will be fine and is surrounded by uncles, aunts , grand parents and great uncles and aunts. All on the mother's side ofc. Obviously there's a shit load more to this but damn.

I never thought I'd ever contemplate it. I don't think I'll ever be in his position.. But after hearing him out, I think what he's doing is... okay to be honest. Fucked up, selfish but I can understand. My brother and his brother aren't co-signing him tho lol

His first mistake is sending groceries and diapers to their house and being cool with it As the man he should be a leader he shouldn’t accept that arrangement even her not wanting to co parent

He should fight for his kid by any means he should have called his and her family involved to fix the issue tell them what’s up and how she’s not willing to co parent

It’s important for the kid to have both a mother and father to nurture them falling out with the wife isn’t enough reason to be out of your kids life running to Qatar is cowardly and low thing to do

 

[Muji]

His first mistake is sending groceries and diapers to their house and being cool with it As the man he should be a leader he shouldn’t accept that arrangement even her not wanting to co parent

He should fight for his kidney any means he should have called his and her family involved to fix the issue tell them what’s up and how she’s not willing to co parent

It’s important for the kid to have both a mother and father to nurture them falling out with the wife isn’t enough reason to be out of your kids life running to Qatar is cowardly and low thing to do

Mercury why can’t they all be like you?

 

[Mali Mo]

Real niggas dont raise kids thats what the mamas are for.
Id probably see them on the weekends thats it. I dont have time to be changing diapers and shit.

 

[AliUK]

Respectfully, grown Faaraxs only and no derailing pls.

@YourBroMoe @Cumar

Basically title, and what would you honestly do in his position or advice him.

My cousin in his late 20's is getting divorced and my whole family is up in arms. His parents, my father and even some of his siblings are pressuring him to stay married.

I knew shit was rocky almost a year ago when he skyped my brother. We wrongly thought everything was good again. They lived all the way up North, but his wife hated the city they lived in (kinda dead and cadaan) and wanted to move. At the time he already contemplated divorce (though mostly unrelated to the move), but suddenly 'changed his mind'. Instead he agreed, quit his job, downgraded and moved her to Leicester. Most of her family lives there.

Anyway, recently he came down to see us and got ambushed by my parents and his parents when they heard he wanted to divorce her.

After like 6 hours of getting advice and being lectured and him unresponsively nodding with 'sax, waa run, haye adeer' it was just him, my brother, his brother and me left talking. After a while talking, he revealed he took out a 3 month lease on a shitty houseshare bedroom and hasn't even entered his house in almost a month outside of dropping off diapers and groceries. And then he kind of dropped the bombshell and said he was 'leaving'. When we all agreed that he should definitely divorce her, he said 'you don't understand... not just her, I'm leaving all of it.'

Basically he's walking out on his kid which is ... a lot more severe than just a divorce. He says he has no interest in being in and out his child's life because his soon to be ex wife isn't co-operative or interested in co-parenting. He also doesn't want to 'pathetically sit and follow them around for the rest of his life'. He has already applied for work in Qatar and found something in Glasgow, but he's delaying it in hopes of Qatar getting back to him so family pressure is taken off, so he's pretty serious. Says as soon as the divorce is official, he'll leave his car and whatever he saved up for his ex wife.

Ultimately stating his ex wife was a severe mistake among a lot of other things, but she is neither a bad person, nor stupid so the child will be fine and is surrounded by uncles, aunts , grand parents and great uncles and aunts. All on the mother's side ofc. Obviously there's a shit load more to this but damn.

I never thought I'd ever contemplate it. I don't think I'll ever be in his position.. But after hearing him out, I think what he's doing is... okay to be honest. Fucked up, selfish but I can understand. My brother and his brother aren't co-signing him tho lol

Bisinka he voluntarily agreed to move to St Matthews.That was his first and biggest mistake.

Tbh I don't think this girl understands building for the long term because if she did then she wouldn't have complained about where she lives. She would understand why he is making that sacrifice and understand the fact that she isn't the only one without family in that cadaan city. He is without family too.

 

[AliUK]

He's a real nigga f*ck you and your kids adios

Come on bro, what if this was your bro saying this?

There is no way you ain't beating him up again

Man should man up and move back to where he was before or anywhere else. This guy gave her the power and now he knows he fucked up and can't get her to change her mind as she knows he doesn't have power over here.

 

[AliUK]

That's just an idiotic thing to say aboowe. I left Islam a long time ago and I still look Somali and I still talk in af Soomali.

My DNA ain't gonna change just because I left Islam.

Your parents know?

What was that convo like?

 

[GoldmanSachs]

His first mistake is sending groceries and diapers to their house and being cool with it As the man he should be a leader he shouldn’t accept that arrangement even her not wanting to co parent

He should fight for his kid by any means he should have called his and her family involved to fix the issue tell them what’s up and how she’s not willing to co parent

It’s important for the kid to have both a mother and father to nurture them falling out with the wife isn’t enough reason to be out of your kids life running to Qatar is cowardly and low thing to do

This is strange coming from you. I thought you were all about single mother empowerment and that fathers and men in general are useless.

And aren't these your words

Here’s a truth some might agree some might disagree with me imo Nobody owes you shit in this world
Nobody has to love you I mean if somebody loves you it’s because there’s something special about you that gives that person happiness

Not saying I necessarily disagree with the above quote, but you clearly aren't consistent in your principles.

 

[Muji]

The low IQ OP has abandoned this thread and doesn’t want to respond to one

I suppose he those his was JamaicaSpot and we were going to congratulate his deadbeat cousin.

Come back OP we need answers

 

[Geeljire Sandheer]

Come on bro, what if this was your bro saying this?

There is no way you ain't beating him up again

Man should man up and move back to where he was before or anywhere else. This guy gave her the power and now he knows he fucked up and can't get her to change her mind as she knows he doesn't have power over here.

He let a push him around from his kid now that's what you call pussy I would beef her whole family for my kid

 

[Mercury]

This is strange coming from you. I thought you were all about single mother empowerment and that fathers and men in general are useless.

And aren't these your words




Not saying I necessarily disagree with the above quote, but you clearly aren't consistent in your principles.

That was merely about relationships and that is true nobody owes you shit

But I don’t promote single mothers I’d want to see more Somali families intact
And happy

We got a lot of good Somali guys and a lot of shitty ones it’s the deadbeat ones I call useless the fathers sipping tea in the coffee shop every day I call useless and the fathers who don’t partake in raising their child I call useless

 

[Kodeen]

The low IQ OP has abandoned this thread and doesn’t want to respond to one

I suppose he those his was JamaicaSpot and we were going to congratulate his deadbeat cousin.

Come back OP we need answers

Answers to what? This was aimed at minority on sspot. It wasn't yours or a lot people that responded to this thread's opinion I was after. The ones I was after seem to (almost?) uniformly agree that abandoning your child whether to follow selfish ambitions or at the behest of the mother, it's wrong.

I reread my OP, and it's obvious I'm being intentionally because there are way more details involved that are much more personal, but doubtfully enough to sway opinions on their own. If you have a particular question in mind, I just might entertain you

 

[Abdalla]

You can always get a divorce if you don't want to be with a woman anymore but abandoning your own biological child? That's low I can't endorse that sxb. If she won't let him in the child's life (which she's wrong to do), he has to financially make sure that kid is set regardless. That's his responsibility.

Women are irrational. The moment they see that you want the kids, she will use the kids to get at you. Best thing is to leave them alone, and approach them outside. Or bond with them when they are teenagers.

But don't hang around just for the kids, if they see how their mum is humiliating you, they won't even respect you.

 

[Abdalla]

These xalimos want us to dress like a superhero and hijack a building like the clowns at Fathers 4 Justice

No Geeljire will be climbing a building because of a divorce and your fucked up kids.

 

[Blade1]

I don't even agree with the divorce forget leaving children. In the west people give up on marriages too fast it's the most disliked halal act to Allah. If its not a huge issue like beating etc I don't think divorce is necessary since you got married because of love and compatible that doesn't disappear because of disagreements.
Sorry bringing up an old thread.