I really appreciate that walaal. But my point wasn't that she was perfect. And I geniunely love the feeling of being in love. I get that nobody is perfect and I don't expect that from her. I just feel a lot of pain because these two girls I really liked at different stages in my life were removed from my life for whatever reason and so why can't I mourn them? Why can't I starve myself for 2-3 days? Why can't I write poetry? Why can't I just allow myself to feel that pain instead of not caring at all and just moving on? I don't know how to characterise what I feel. But I do know when I do care about people and I allow myself to be emotional I become a better person and a better loverYou have fallen for a ‘projection.’ Essentially an idea of who you think she is, not who she is. This is more common among younger people. It can also happen in mature folks, especially those who tend to be more idealistic. Or if life is a little rougher than usual and you are in a more challenging place. It's more likely the case when you are off-center.
Look at your life waryaa. Maybe you are trying to escape from something like self-evaluation. Perhaps there is something that needs to be fixed, or you have a little too much free time on your hands. Put your energy into something more productive.
She is not the only one.
Do not close yourself off to other options merely because of her.
There is a multitude of different prospects. Many of which you could be content with.
It is far better to go for someone who is a flesh and blood individual rather than a phantom or abstraction of an earlier, more nostalgic time in your head.