Fiancé Asks Reddit If She Should Reveal How Much Money She Makes to Her Future Husband

[Odious Delirium]

Erm most women will cook and clean especially in a traditional set up. Whilst you’re at work, what will she be doing? Staring into space? It’s a bit selfish of her for her not to unless you’re able to provide a maid. Marriage should be about love. No woman worth marrying will be comfortable with her husband working 10hrs and comes back from a long day. Marriage is about kindness.

On the flip side if yoh do have a miskeen wife that cooks and cleans and looks after the home, part of kindness is making sure you secure her future through creating savings for her. It’s not fair for you to expect her to be providing service for you when you can easily kick her out and replace her and she’ll be left homeless despite maintaining your home for decades.

I'm telling other guys to do that if they feel it's necessary.

never said I needed to and selfish people shouldn't get married in the first place.

Women if they want things should also place stipulations aslong as its halal since haram ones are null and void even if your partner agrees.

Just my two cents since you guys where arguing over whether a woman has to cook/clean or not.

 

[attash]

I

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[attash]

Lads if you want your wife to cook and clean just put it in writing in the marriage contract that she has to do it and let her decides if she want to go ahead with that or not.

If she doesn't comply after coming to an agreement. Then just divorce her and marry someone who will comply to whatever specific request you have that you want done by your wife aslong as it's halal

I would advise both the guys and girls to not get married at all tho if your selfish.

Hell nah, I ain’t writing sh*t. If I’m the breadwinner, of course she’s gonna be scrubbing these floors and cooking that food. Imagine coming home from a 10 hour long day at work and you can’t even get something as simple as a plate of biriis and hilib. There’s no way housework isn’t obligatory.

 

[Odious Delirium]

Hell nah, I ain’t writing sh*t. If I’m the breadwinner, of course she’s gonna be scrubbing these floors and cooking that food. Imagine coming home from a 10 hour long day at work and you can’t even get something as simple as a plate of biriis and hilib. There’s no way housework isn’t obligatory.

You don't have to do all that. All you really need to do is agree to that kind of arangement beforehand but that's not gonna guarantee that she will stick to it. You'll just have to rely on the leverage you have in the relationship. Basically aslong as your doing your part she's gonna feel pressured to do what she feels is her part. If she's selfish tho then non of that will matter

Why do you think young somali couples get divorced so fast

most are selfish and not on the same page as there partners.

 

[Angelina]

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[Angelina]

Hell nah, I ain’t writing sh*t. If I’m the breadwinner, of course she’s gonna be scrubbing these floors and cooking that food. Imagine coming home from a 10 hour long day at work and you can’t even get something as simple as a plate of biriis and hilib. There’s no way housework isn’t obligatory.

It isn’t, she’s volunteering to do so as your wife. She’s not obliged to do that. She’s not your slave or your maid lol.

Hence as a man you should always be grateful and help her.

 

[Angelina]

You don't have to do all that. All you really need to do is agree to that kind of arangement beforehand but that's not gonna guarantee that she will stick to it. You'll just have to rely on the leverage you have in the relationship. Basically aslong as your doing your part she's gonna feel pressured to do what she feels is her part. If she's selfish tho then non of that will matter

Why do you think young somali couples get divorced so fast

most are selfish and not on the same page as there partners.

I think we’re all in agreement that not helping your husband with a plate of food after you’ve been at home the whole day isn’t good behavior, but the reason why I’m debating this is because a lot of men are ungrateful as they fail to see that what their wife is in fact volunteering and is an act of love, rather than something she has to do even the Sharia. That is actually where the real selfishness stems from especially culturally. If you go back home you’d be shocked at how disabled a lot of Somali men act. They’ll eat food and they’ll leave it on the table with all the rice everywhere. It’s funny as Somalis are Shafi and have the stricter opinion with regards to housework not being the wife’s duty

Even Salafi scholars who will argue it’s a ‘duty’ are hesitant to say that the wife will be outright sinning if she doesn’t do it fully or properly since the majority of scholars especially classical ones who lived closer to the time of the Prophet s.a.w believed it really isn’t. Since provision of food and maintenance of food and shelter is actually 100% on the husband. You Also, those scholars felt they couldn’t say it’s a legal obligation since nearly all of them believe that a high class woman shouldn’t be expected to do any of that since she wasn’t raised to do it. It will actually become a duty of the husband to provide her with a maid.

@attash

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[Gaarasho]

I think we’re all in agreement that not helping your husband with a plate of food after you’ve been at home the whole day isn’t good behavior, but the reason why I’m debating this is because a lot of men are ungrateful as they fail to see that what their wife is in fact volunteering and is an act of love, rather than something she has to do even the Sharia. That is actually where the real selfishness stems from especially culturally. If you do back home you’d be shocked how disabled a lot of Somali men act. They’ll eat food and they’ll leave it on the table with all the rice everywhere. It’s funny as Somalis are Shafi and have the stricter opinion with regards to housework not being the wife’s duty

Even Salafi scholars who will argue it’s a ‘duty’ are hesitant to say that the wife will be outright sinning if she doesn’t do it fully or properly since the majority of scholars especially classical ones who lived closer to the time of the Prophet s.a.w believed it really isn’t. Since provision of food and maintenance of food and shelter is actually 100% on the husband. Also, those scholars felt they couldn’t say it’s a legal obligation since nearly all of them believe that a high class woman shouldn’t be expected to do any of that since she wasn’t raised to do it. It will actually become a duty of the husband to provide her with a maid.

@attash

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So when are you getting married

 

[Odious Delirium]

So when are you getting married

She's already married

 

[Odious Delirium]

I think we’re all in agreement that not helping your husband with a plate of food after you’ve been at home the whole day isn’t good behavior, but the reason why I’m debating this is because a lot of men are ungrateful as they fail to see that what their wife is in fact volunteering and is an act of love, rather than something she has to do even the Sharia. That is actually where the real selfishness stems from especially culturally. If you go back home you’d be shocked at how disabled a lot of Somali men act. They’ll eat food and they’ll leave it on the table with all the rice everywhere. It’s funny as Somalis are Shafi and have the stricter opinion with regards to housework not being the wife’s duty

Even Salafi scholars who will argue it’s a ‘duty’ are hesitant to say that the wife will be outright sinning if she doesn’t do it fully or properly since the majority of scholars especially classical ones who lived closer to the time of the Prophet s.a.w believed it really isn’t. Since provision of food and maintenance of food and shelter is actually 100% on the husband. You Also, those scholars felt they couldn’t say it’s a legal obligation since nearly all of them believe that a high class woman shouldn’t be expected to do any of that since she wasn’t raised to do it. It will actually become a duty of the husband to provide her with a maid.

@attash

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I agree which is why I gave an alternative.

If someone feels that's what there wife should be doing then they should make sure that they clarify that they want her to do those things like working in the house, land or factory beforehand. If you as an individual feel it's that important of a duty then you also can just divorce her that option is always available

 

[Angelina]

I agree which is why I gave an alternative.

If someone feels that's what there wife should be doing then they should make sure that they clarify that they want her to do those things like working in the house, land or factory beforehand. If you as an individual feel it's that important of a duty then you also can just divorce her that option is always available

Marriage contracts are frowned upon despite being halal and legal in the Western Muslim community and even back home in Somalia and most countries outside of the Gulf. Most men won’t sign even if it’s a protection for women against things they find unbearable. Most women aren’t ever taught about it and would be found strange by even their own families. It’s demonized as it is doesn’t benefit Muslim men. We live in a man’s world.

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Anyways this is probably going to be the last day on sspot. My holiday is over, back to reality.

 

[Odious Delirium]

Marriage contracts are frowned upon despite being halal and legal in the Western Muslim community and even back home in Somalia and most countries outside of the Gulf. Most men won’t sign even if it’s a protection for women against things they find unbearable. Most women aren’t ever taught about it and would be found strange by even their own families. It’s demonized as it is doesn’t benefit Muslim men. We live in a man’s world.

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Anyways this is probably going to be the last day on sspot. My holiday is over, back to reality.

This is all because majority of people aren’t islamically tradtional they instead go by societal norms which includes women working in the house as a duty to there husband although its not islamically a wife's duty it doesnt really matter since women where doing it forever making it basically what's expected in most traditional cultures when your not upper class. The thing is most women conform to that.

Anyways women now can just choose to not get married or get married to guys that love them way more then they love him however most women see this as bellow them and don’t want to make that compromise because it would mean settling in some way.

Many women simply pick wrong and think they have men figured out which just results in getting burnt. If a woman or man wants there spouse to do things for them then they should demand it.

the difference between men and women isn’t hypocrisy it that men have in general always stuck to there guns while women tend to be pushovers and give in to the demands men make and since women do it a lot more then men it means men overall have more options in that regard. It only in modern settings where women have started to grow backbones but even then men instead of conforming would rather just stick to there guns.

At the end of the day most modern men and women aren't marriage material and there better off not getting married.

regardless love is overrated. I don't care for love, general attraction is enough. what I value is respect, loyalty and duty.
Love is secondary to all of that. I believe that's how most men see it while women perhaps lean into love more making them more malleable to make concessions for a guy they "love"

Are you gone for good or do you mean that you will be less active?