Fatherless

[notinuse.]

I noticed there is an unclear ratio with the amount of somalis who were raised with a father and the ones who weren't. As we all know statically speaking most criminals were raised in a single mother household, I wanted to see if the same implies with somalis. If a lot of the criminal male youth in the somali community lack a strict and loving father?

As someone who grew up with a father in my life,I used always think it was the same for all somalis. Until recently I came across this "stereotype" of somali father's leaving their current families to get married and impregnate different women or marry a 2nd/3rd/4th wife which leaves the family fatherless.

 

[Calaami]

Fatherlessness in the Somali community usually means the father is in the home but takes a backseat with regard to child rearing and spends time on FKD or Africa.

Very few Somalis genuinely don’t have a father in their life.

 

[hinters]

I was also unaware of the stereotype until I came on somalispot, I grew up with my father and assumed most Somalis had a good father.

 

[seldiboy]

Ppl on SS will have two parents. Noone will use their newfound freedom from having two parents to rot away on an online forum. Instead they would do more fun things like sell drugs and stab people

 

[notinuse.]

Fatherlessness in the Somali community usually means the father is in the home but takes a backseat with regard to child rearing and spends time on FKD or Africa.

Very few Somalis genuinely don’t have a father in their life.

But if the father is in Africa and the children and the mother are in the west doesn't that technically count as single mother household? especially since I've heard that most of those fathers who choose to live back home have a secretly family and wife in Somalia.

 

[Amber]

I was raised by my mother alone (may Allah bless her beyond death ameen) She was so patient and I gave her a hard time as a teenager

My father was a horrible man and my mother stood up for me my whole life. I left my home city with her to my campus house. I hope I was able to pay her back

A mother is strong, any mother loves, and all mothers are pillars. Them being criminals is their choice. Please phrase your words differently, there are a lot of people out there in the world who were raised by strong and resilient mothers alone

 

[Calaami]

But if the father is in Africa and the children and the mother are in the west doesn't that technically count as single mother household? especially since I've heard that most of those fathers who choose to live back home have a secretly family and wife in Somalia.

In most cases western Somali families don’t claim the husband as someone in the household to the dowlad. They do this so they can get more social assistance (welfare).

The provider role is taken away from the father (they’re usually okay with this) since the state is feeding and clothing and housing the family.

The father takes the income that should go to his family (the one the gov’t feeds) and spends it upon a new wife in Africa so he can feel like a provider. His only role is creating new kids for the original family since more kids = more money.

So you’re right it’s technically a single parent household financially.

It’s a nasty cycle that could be ended with simply working a honest job.

 

[Yaraye]

I was also raised by my mother alone. My father was the typical absentee/ deadbeat father. Only saw him 2 times in my life. That man was also stingy with the child support Its already terrible not to want to be responsible for your children, but to be stingy with money......

I don't want to take care of him when he's old, but i fear allah so looks like I'll have to do my duty, and get compensation in aqira.

Of course my aunts and grandma have help time to time. It was my mother who did the bulk of the work. May allah grant her the highest place in jannah

 

[Keep it a boqol]

Lots of people in my community had fathers in their lives.

 

[notinuse.]

I was raised by my mother alone (may Allah bless her beyond death ameen) She was so patient and I gave her a hard time as a teenager

My father was a horrible man and my mother stood up for me my whole life. I left my home city with her to my campus house. I hope I was able to pay her back

A mother is strong, any mother loves, and all mothers are pillars. Them being criminals is their choice. Please phrase your words differently, there are a lot of people out there in the world who were raised by strong and resilient mothers alone

Omg dawco please forgive me, and may hooyo rest in jannah I used the "fatherless" as a way to mock the somali guys who use it to insult girls. I'll the change the title before people mistake my intention.

 

[notinuse.]

I was also raised by my mother alone. My father was the typical absentee/ deadbeat father. Only saw him 2 times in my life. That man was also stingy with the child support Its already terrible not to want to be responsible for your children, but to be stingy with money......

I don't want to take care of him when he's old, but i fear allah so looks like I'll have to do my duty, and get compensation in aqira.

Of course my aunts and grandma have help time to time. It was my mother who did the bulk of the work. May allah grant her the highest place in jannah

I swear father's like him, will beg you to reconcile your father/daughter relationship when he's old and miserable while he left you when you needed him the most. Only give all your love and support to your mother, since she was the one who raised you !

 

[Awad]

My parents separated when I was 6. My hooyo doesn't hate him or anything and neither do I tbh. He's pretty smart (has a master's in the humanities and written a couple dictionaries/thesis papers). I plan on visiting him this summer.

 

[Amber]

Omg dawco please forgive me, and may hooyo rest in jannah I used the "fatherless" as a way to mock the somali guys who use it to insult girls. I'll the change the title before people mistake my intention.

thx, abaayo <333 lots of love

 

[Yaraye]

I swear father's like him, will beg you to reconcile your father/daughter relationship when he's old and miserable while he left you when you needed him the most. Only give all your love and support to your mother, since she was the one who raised you !

He left when I was 2 years old, and my mother was in postpartum with my younger sister. I don't remember him at all, so i don't have any emotional connection. He's an absolute stranger to me, so i've never bothered to try to reach out/ reconcile cuz there wasn't any relationship to begin with. Now that we are in our early 20s, and my mother is about to get return on her investment, recently he reached out, and encouraged us to call him and establish a connection. The audacity on him looool! You up and left saying you didn't want to be responsible and you want us to call you?! hahhahha! pfffft, as if! I always say ok to him, but i ain't calling no stranger. As for giving love/support, I'm going to give only enough support not for me to go to hell. I ain't giving no love
My mother will get unlimited love and support! to be honest, i also wish I didn't have to give him shit but i'm scared to go to hell.

 

[notinuse.]

He left when I was 2 years old, and my mother was in postpartum with my younger sister. I don't remember him at all, so i don't have any emotional connection. He's an absolute stranger to me, so i've never bothered to try to reach out/ reconcile cuz there wasn't any relationship to begin with. Now that we are in our early 20s, and my mother is about to get return on her investment, recently he reached out, and encouraged us to call him and establish a connection. The audacity on him looool! You up and left saying you didn't want to be responsible and you want us to call you?! hahhahha! pfffft, as if! I always say ok to him, but i ain't calling no stranger. As for giving love/support, I'm going to give only enough support not for me to go to hell. I ain't giving no love
My mother will get unlimited love and support! to be honest, i also wish I didn't have to give him shit but i'm scared to go to hell.

I don't think allah will put you in hell for ignoring a deadbeat father, isn't heaven under your mother's feet? Just focus on pleasing your hooyo and getting a good fulfilled life and ignore the ones that didn't help you a.k.a your dad.

 

[Yaraye]

I don't think allah will put you in hell for ignoring a deadbeat father, isn't heaven under your mother's feet? Just focus on pleasing your hooyo and getting a good fulfilled life and ignore the ones that didn't help you a.k.a your dad.

even tho the mother comes three times before your father, the father still need filial piety.

 

[iftiina]

i do have a father but underneath that smile for many years he gave me as child i finally understand that he’s not a good one he’s unfaithful, does not contribute to the house, is a liar and doesn't do much for his marriage. when i met my half sibling when i was young i didnt even consider if he married the woman he had the kid with. i still dont even know, and if he did, why didnt he tell us? he wouldve noticed. he does not ever see my half sibling at all (and i have personally never seen my sibling for 12 years authubillah)

but its weird that this man was a new yorkian since the 70’s but as soon as he had us we started acting weird. hes pretty old but hes a very strange person, like since i was a child after one day he started acting strange.

 

[notinuse.]

i do have a father but underneath that smile for many years he gave me as child i finally understand that he’s not a good one he’s unfaithful, does not contribute to the house, is a liar and doesn't do much for his marriage. when i met my half sibling when i was young i didnt even consider if he married the woman he had the kid with. i still dont even know, and if he did, why didnt he tell us? he wouldve noticed. he does not ever see my half sibling at all (and i have personally never seen my sibling for 12 years authubillah)

but its weird that this man was a new yorkian since the 70’s but as soon as he had us we started acting weird. hes pretty old but hes a very strange person, like since i was a child after one day he started acting strange.

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[convincation]

My parents separated when I was pretty young but my dad has always been in my life for the most part and I still have a strong relation with him. I just don’t live with him

 

[𐒋𐒖𐒆𐒔𐒖𐒕𐒈]

I noticed there is an unclear ratio with the amount of somalis who were raised with a father and the ones who weren't. As we all know statically speaking most criminals were raised in a single mother household, I wanted to see if the same implies with somalis. If a lot of the criminal male youth in the somali community lack a strict and loving father?

As someone who grew up with a father in my life,I used always think it was the same for all somalis. Until recently I came across this "stereotype" of somali father's leaving their current families to get married and impregnate different women or marry a 2nd/3rd/4th wife which leaves the family fatherless.

Let me be the devil’s advocate.
Are we not conflating a number of issues?
The state of one being a fatherless arises due to a number of factors, and perhaps we want to separate those by distinct state groups:
a) Those, who lost their father(s) at a young age,
b) Those, whose father(s) married a second wife, begetting a breakdown in the family unit, and
c) Those, whose father(s) just walked away. Surely, there is a clear distinction there, and not all could be lumped together, a trend observed more common in N. America.

Further, we may want to consider the simple fact that whilst men seem to be practising the second wife principle, most women in the West are not accepting of the practice, and are choosing to either end the marriage, or distant themselves from the husbands whilst seeking sole custody of the children, which in turn adversely impacts the children. Granted, some fathers are awfully irresponsible whilst some mothers are terrible, if uncompromising, when they realise to be financially independent, hardly considering adverse implications to the kids, but rather more concerned with their social standing.

i) How does one measure the percentage in category (b)?
ii) How does one measure the percentage in category (c)?
iii) How does one measure in the event where a mother chooses to go it alone, take the kids, and removes the father from the equation? Could we still blame the father?