Every Word Besides ‘Children’ Used To Describe Palestinians Under 18

[Aurelian]

The media has been criticized for repeatedly failing to mention children killed in Israeli airstrikes on Gaza. The Onion examines every word used besides “children” to describe Palestinians under 18.

Pre-Corpse​

Used in an effort to be more politically correct.

[Name Redacted]​

Can’t let them get any sympathy by publishing their names.'

5 Points​

Every time an IDF soldier gets 100 points, they are promoted.

Soon To Be Extinct​

With their greatly diminished population outside of captivity, Palestinian children risk being lost forever.

Missile Magnets​

For whatever reason, Palestinian children seem to love being on the receiving end of bombing operations.

Incubator Jihadists​

Premature babies in Gaza are often referred to by this more threatening term.

Brown-Skinned Humanoid Designed To Elicit Empathy​

Don’t let their sad little eyes fool you. These kindergartners are mass murderers who thirst for blood.

Itty-Bitty Murder Guys​

Or, depending on the news story, “itty-bitty murder gals.”

Prepubescent Killing Machines​

AP guidelines specify that any Palestinian younger than 12 should be referred to as this.

Little Brown Thing​

Nothing to mourn here. Just a few thousand little brown things have been extinguished!

Small Humanlike Beings​

At least the media is willing to acknowledge that they may be near personhood.

Hamasito​

Spanish for “little Hamas.”

Adolescents​

A more formal term for children. That’s it. No subtext here, just a nice synonym to beef up your vocabulary.

The ‘Butchers Of Israel’​

Palestinian children collectively have earned themselves the moniker of a notorious serial killer.

Basically Adults​

And adult deaths aren’t sad! Sorry, we don’t make the rules.

Them Darn Kids​

Them rascals keep gettin’ in the way of the IDF’s dang bullets!

Anti-Jews​

This phrase comes from the Zionist belief that Palestinian children all come from a negative dimension and are the inverse of the Jewish people.

On The To-Do List​

The IDF is getting around to shooting them all, they promise.