Do Somali men ever fight to receive custody of their kids?

[lulu2]

Apparently in Islamic law it’s preferred for the father to have custody of a child, especially a son, over 7/9 years old. And it’s common in other Muslim cultures for the father to fight to receive child custody after a divorce. Does this happen at all in Somalia/ with Somali men?

 

[Unicorn]

Apparently in Islamic law it’s preferred for the father to have custody of a child, especially a son, over 7/9 years old. And it’s common in other Muslim cultures for the father to fight to receive child custody after a divorce. Does this happen at all in Somalia/ with Somali men?

Hell yes. On youtube theres divorced girls who need help sometimes and they go to somali youtube shows. A lot of them are young moms and so many times they say they had to give their kid to the dad after divorce. This is because her family doesnt want.to.help her with that baby. Her parents tell her "take this kid to his family(dads side)" and of course it hurts for her. I saw one girl who got married twice and both divorces she had to give the kids to their dads. Also moms there might not have money. In America ive seen one somali guy get custody of his kids.its less common in america compared to somalia though since somali moms have money and govt support they can take care of their kids. They dont need to get help from their parents unlike Somalia.

 

[lulu2]

Hell yes. On youtube theres divorced girls who need help sometimes and they go to somali youtube shows. A lot of them are young moms and so many times they say they had to give their kid to the dad after divorce. This is because her family doesnt want.to.help her with that baby. Her parents tell her "take this kid to his family(dads side)" and of course it hurts for her. I saw one girl who got married twice and both divorces she had to give the kids to their dads. Also moms there might not have money. In America ive seen one somali guy get custody of his kids.its less common in america compared to somalia though since somali moms have money and govt support they can take care of their kids. They dont need to get help from their parents unlike Somalia.

I had no idea this was even a thing but I was curious. It makes sense that it happens more in Somalia but when you say they take the child to the dads side do you mean that the father becomes the primary caregiver or it goes to the aunt his sister/s?

Also what I meant was that the father fights to gain custody of the child not that the moms family doesn’t want to deal with the kid so they give it to the fathers family.

 

[Unicorn]

I had no idea this was even a thing but I was curious. It makes sense that it happens more in Somalia but when you say they take the child to the dads side do you mean that the father becomes the primary caregiver or it goes to the aunt his sister/s?

Also what I meant was that the father fights to gain custody of the child not that the moms family doesn’t want to deal with the kid so they give it to the fathers family.

When somalis say dads side(reerkis) they mean the father and his relatives/tribe. Remember tht the mom might be a separate tribe. So yes they mean give it to the father. Father will be the primary caregiver and IF he wants his sisters help they can help but he will be the one who has to financially provide and the kids are his.

Yes. In somalia the father fights to gain custody of the kids. After the divorce he goes to the elders from ex wife side and his side and tells them he wants his kids. Most times the moms will of course fight but usually if she doesnt have money to provide or her family doesnt fight for her to keep the kids than the dad wins and keeps the kids.

 

[Kun_Ciil]

Apparently in Islamic law it’s preferred for the father to have custody of a child, especially a son, over 7/9 years old. And it’s common in other Muslim cultures for the father to fight to receive child custody after a divorce. Does this happen at all in Somalia/ with Somali men?

Somalia is just like those other Muslim countries you mentioned. Most of the time the men take custody of the children. My grandfather had 7 children from several divorces, and told all his ex-wifes to leave the children becaus he wanted all his children to grow up in the same household.

Islamically most scholars agree that the child under 7 should stay with the mum. So in Somalia most of the times after divorce, young kids stay with the mother unless the father acts raggo. But once she gets remarried, custody in Somalia is given to the Father most of the time. Following this hadith
Narrated by Ahmad (6707) and Abu Dawud (2276), from `Abdullah ibn `Amr (may Allah be pleased with him), according to which a woman said: O Messenger of Allah, this is my son; my womb was a vessel for him, and my breasts gave him to drink, and my lap was a protection for him. His father has divorced me and he wants to take him away from me. The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “You have more right to him so long as you do not remarry.”

There are several factors that break this exception

1) A lot of men don't play and use the custody of the children as a power play, and especially if the woman asks for divorce they will say I'll only give you your divorce on the condition you leave the kids with me. So the men make custody of the children as a condition for divorce especially if the kids are under 7...because if the elders, sheikhs get involved they will advise the father inu hoyoda ka xishoodo and leave the young kids with their mum since they need their mum especially at that age.

2) The other factors is the amount of kids. If the mum has 3+ kids after the divorce, most likely she will grudgingly give the children to the Father. Why? Because there is no welfare state in Somalia. Her parents will advise her, and say she can't raise 3 or more kids by herself. And especially if she's a young girl they will say to her, "No man will marry you with 3+kids, so get it over with and give the kids to their father."

Laakin if the mum gets divorced with one kid, and especially if that's her first child, then it's a tricky situation. The mother will cling to that child, and most of the time the father will leave that child with the mother until she gets remarried and has other children. Even if he fights and argues, the elders/relatives will advise him to leave the one child with the mother since she needs the child more than he does as a mother.

And last factor is the children, girls and boys are different. If its a girl, they leave with the mother and if she gets remarried and the father is married with a new family, then he has two options take the child to his mother or the maternal grandmother. If its a boy tho, he will live with his father no problem or his paternal grandmother. Somalis are suspicious of Edos, they call edos "Arxaan laay".

All in all, each situation varies. Also you have to take into account, how was the divorce, did they get a divorce in amicable manner or was it on bad terms and dagaal? Are they from same tribe or different tribes? Being closer in relation makes reconciliation easier. For example, if the mother is from a different tribe or region of Somalia, like a man in Xamar marrying a girl from Lascanood...he will fight for custody and keep his children with him after a divorce. But if his ex-wife is from Xamar or they are both from the same subclan, the father will be more laxed and even the elders will tell him to relax since the mum can't run off with the child and the father can always have access to his child since they all know each other.