do men understand fairness?

The only proof men use is the divorce courts. In the Somali community, we hardly register our marriages, women hardly ever ask for alimony and women filling for child support is rare, even though they should.

When we look at the 'first world' what do we have? Older islan working in care, husband chilling back home with a younger bride, hasn't bothered coming back for at least yr, whilst his 50+.something wife who has raised his 8 kids is working 6 days a week. This is the reality of a lot of aunts I know. This might not be the reality of your hooyo Alhamdulilah, but take a good look at some of your aunts or your mothers friends. Especially if you're from the UK/London in particular.

Younger gen, the men tend to be better fathers for sure though.
Idk the full situation therefore I cannot make a judgement but is it possible that women have had a role to play in the de-escalation of responsible men and it is not necessarily just the men to blame.
This could be talking about any women in the family sister mother wife daughter etc etc who would have influence over a mans life
 
The only proof men use is the divorce courts. In the Somali community, we hardly register our marriages, women hardly ever ask for alimony and women filling for child support is rare, even though they should.

When we look at the 'first world' what do we have? Older islan working in care, husband chilling back home with a younger bride, hasn't bothered coming back for at least yr, whilst his 50+.something wife who has raised his 8 kids is working 6 days a week. This is the reality of a lot of aunts I know. This might not be the reality of your hooyo Alhamdulilah, but take a good look at some of your aunts or your mothers friends. Especially if you're from the UK/London in particular.

Younger gen, the men tend to be better fathers for sure though.
I agree with you 100% when we’re talking about the older generation from men back home who came here. I’m strictly talking about the younger generation, it’s pretty messed up when I see women put that on us.
 
Idk the full situation therefore I cannot make a judgement but is it possible that women have had a role to play in the de-escalation of responsible men and it is not necessarily just the men to blame.
This could be talking about any women in the family sister mother wife daughter etc etc who would have influence over a mans life
They could. But there is no excuse to not send your kids money or not work. Any issue you have with your wife is personal and has nothing to do with the kids.

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I agree with you 100% when we’re talking about the older generation from men back home who came here. I’m strictly talking about the younger generation, it’s pretty messed up when I see women put that on us.
I can't say much about the younger gen. All my friends with kids and their husbands seem to be hands on tbh. There are some younger guys who seem to be angry that Millennial and Gen Z Xalimos want the men to be more hands on, I firmly encourage those guys to go back home.
 
I can't say much about the younger gen. All my friends with kids and their husbands seem to be hands on tbh. There are some younger guys who seem to be angry that Millennial and Gen Z Xalimos want the men to be more hands on, I firmly encourage those guys to go back home.
Sister, I don’t know any guy born here that is angry with having to do the basics as a father, providing and making sure your kids are good. Any guy that does is a bum that shouldn’t breed. I just hate to see when some women use their baggage to say all somali men are trash when the younger generation hasn’t done nothing foul.
 
Sister, I don’t know any guy born here that is angry with having to do the basics as a father, providing and making sure your kids are good. Any guy that does is a bum that shouldn’t breed.
No, they're angry that young gen women have higher expectations in marriages and are not going to accept some of the things the older gen accepted. We see it on this forum all the time. They constantly talk about wanting to go back home and that Western girls are XYZ. Lets be real, in the West you get a variety of different types of Somali girls, but one thing many have in common is that they now have higher expectations in terms of being helped with the house and kids.
 

Hodan from HR

Just smile and wave
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Even if a man treats a woman well she often doesn't pay attention to it. Women are the most ungrateful things, if you do 100 good things for her and then do 1 bad thing she only remembers the bad thing.

This is what I was talking about.
Using religious quotes to marginalize women is one of the biggest contributor to this issue. I have seen religious "God fearing" men believe women are inherently evil and you can not convince them otherwise.

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I feel bad for them too because in a way, it is not their fault. It probably wasn't my macalin's fault either and his macalin taught him to that.. It is a vicious cycle 😥
 
No, they're angry that young gen women have higher expectations in marriages and are not going to accept some of the things the older gen accepted. We see it on this forum all the time. They constantly talk about wanting to go back home and that Western girls are XYZ. Lets be real, in the West you get a variety of different types of Somali girls, but one thing many have in common is that they now have higher expectations in terms of being helped with the house and kids.
So to you any man that wants a wife from back home is because he doesn’t want to help with the house and kids…
 

Lostbox

「Immortal Sage」| Qabil-fluid
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I’ve observed too many women putting their heart and soul in a man only to get left or burned. The only successful marriages I see are usually the once where the women plays dumb by being manipulative. I am stating to thinks a lot women use manipulation for survival and for marriages. I am sorry most men ain’t shit I am so disappointed even my own father warned me recently.
Maybe because I'm around decent people. 90% of people I know are in a healthy, supportive relationship that are boring and normal. Yep

The last 9% are unstable and unhealthy.

The last 1% are completely toxic and shitshow

This only includes close friends and family
 
So to you any man that wants a wife from back home is because he doesn’t want to help with the house and kids…
Never said that.

I'm talking about the ones that complain about Western Somali women and make derogatory remarks. Doesn't make sense as Western Somali girls vary. You get the very cultural types, the in between types and the very religious ones who even wear niqab.

My whole point is, instead of complaining, they should simply go back and control their tongues. Often on sspot, they would argue that girls back home are more feminine and when you ask why, they'll tell you straight up because they do all the cooking, cleaning and child rearing and that it is ceeb for men to go into the kitchen back home.

Giving me a qashin is ridiculous, because you're literally shooting the messager. I'll @ you next time some of the sspot guys say this. Threads in which Western girls are bashed as being rubbish wives are at least a bi-weekly occurrence. Also, they don't shy away from saying what I've mentioned.
 
This is what I was talking about.
Using religious quotes to marginalize women is one of the biggest contributor to this issue. I have seen religious "God fearing" men believe women are inherently evil and you can not convince them otherwise.

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I feel bad for them too because in a way, it is not their fault. It probably wasn't my macalin's fault either and his macalin taught him to that.. It is a vicious cycle 😥
Why is it that women can't admit their own faults but are so quick to point out men's faults? As men we are used to people pointing out what we're doing wrong, so we don't let it grind us down but women take great offence at this being done to them.

I am convinced that women have far greater egos than men have, as is natural because they're the most sought after gender. Men flatter women all the time and it has become even worse in recent times. When you get flattered all the time and then get one criticism your minds implode.
 
Why is it that women can't admit their own faults but are so quick to point out men's faults? As men we are used to people pointing out what we're doing wrong, so we don't let it grind us down but women take great offence at this being done to them.

I am convinced that women have far greater egos than men have, as is natural because they're the most sought after gender. Men flatter women all the time and it has become even worse in recent times. When you get flattered all the time and then get one criticism your minds implode.
That literally had nothing to do with the valid point she made. Lol.

Women take offense because our faults are only mentioned as a way to shut women up when they talk about the misogyny or issues effecting our community. Other times? Pure silence. If you made a thread about narcissistic women or women who are abusive to their husbands, i doubt many of us would derail your thread.

If women talk about DA, there will be men in the comments sections talking about how men suffer too. Other times, many men laugh at the idea of a man being abused. How is that fair or even genuine?
 
That literally had nothing to do with the valid point she made. Lol.

Women take offense because our faults are only mentioned as a way to shut women up when they talk about the misogyny or issues effecting our community. Other times? Pure silence. If you made a thread about narcissistic women or women who are abusive to their husbands, i doubt many of us would derail your thread.

If women talk about DA, there will be men in the comments sections talking about how men suffer too. Other times, many men laugh at the idea of a man being abused. How is that fair or even genuine?
I used that quote from the sayings of the Prophet SAW because I thought it was relevant and did the Prophet SAW ever utter a lie? Listen I don't take pleasure in criticising women but things need to be balanced alright, you can't have one side pointing the finger all the time.

You expect me to believe that women take offence only because our criticisms are meant to shut you up? That's nonsense and you know it. Pure silence if men give valid criticism? Don't make me laugh sister. Men don't always see criticism as something insulting, sometimes we see it as something to listen to and humble ourselves with.

Look how many men get rejected and learn to live with it but women get so irritated by it. That's tells you something deeper about the psyche of women.

DA is taken seriously by most men because who wants to see a woman suffering abuse? The reasons for DA is complicated and there are different types of abuse. Contrary to popular belief it is not always a one-sided affair except of course when there is physical harm involved.
 
Never said that.

I'm talking about the ones that complain about Western Somali women and make derogatory remarks. Doesn't make sense as Western Somali girls vary. You get the very cultural types, the in between types and the very religious ones who even wear niqab.

My whole point is, instead of complaining, they should simply go back and control their tongues. Often on sspot, they would argue that girls back home are more feminine and when you ask why, they'll tell you straight up because they do all the cooking, cleaning and child rearing and that it is ceeb for men to go into the kitchen back home.

Giving me a qashin is ridiculous, because you're literally shooting the messager. I'll @ you next time some of the sspot guys say this. Threads in which Western girls are bashed as being rubbish wives are at least a bi-weekly occurrence. Also, they don't shy away from saying what I've mentioned.
1. I can literally say the same thing and just flip the genders
2. You and a lot of posters have a very cynical view of the other gender, generalizing what the bottom like 10% do and putting it on everybody. “All men are trash” “All western women are not worth it”

Im still standing on the fact that most of the men of the younger generation are good people and will become good fathers.
 
One of these men was my macalin when I was 9yr old. He talked about how women are the "net of shaytan "
What did he mean by this is the real question, because in actuality if shaytaan can't misguide with anything he'll use a woman to misguide a man, maybe he was just telling ppl to avoid getting tricked by woman into doing any kind of haram.
 
There's no such thing as true equality in this world, we're not meant to be happy in this world because it's only temporary. Plus, we are living in times in which people often contemplate suicide to escape from it.

So stop complaining and seeking answers that don't exist and get on with your life sxb.
This world being temporary isn't an excuse for men to treat women like gum off the back of their shoe. They can't just use the excuse, "This world is temporary and we can't be 100% happy all of the time, so let me just make your life a living hell" because then he is oppressing her. And ain't nothin' worse than oppression.
 

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