Please don't be mean I've not told anyone before. I just wanna get it off my chest but I would still really appreciate whatever advice. So...
I'm 24(F) living with my family. I've never been interested in boys much when I was younger and I've always been single. When I was 19, I had a crush. And it was on another GIRL. I didn't even realise what was going on until it happened again when I was 20...on another girl.
Last year, I met a someone (I won't torture you with the details). I convinced myself it was nothing and I'd get over it quick. It's been 8months (the longest so far) and I still can't look her in the eye - it is that intense. I had to stop going to the places I would expect to see her. You might think I'm ciyaalsuuq but I'm far from it. I pray 5 times a day, I wear full hijab, I very rarely lie or backbite, I've memorised the Qur'an and I attend islamic lectures regularly. Bear in mind I've never acted on these feelings and never did anything to encourage it. In fact, I've slowly drifted away from friends for this reason over the years... because I was afraid they'd see what I'm like.
Years ago, my father brought up the topic of marriage and we agreed to leave it until I graduated. Now, it has been a while since I graduated and my parents are asking questions. They tried to set me up with the son of a family friend and we went on a 'date'. Omg it was awful! He ticked every box but all I could think about was when I could leave. Recently, my friends set me up with a drop dead gorgeous guy and it's the same thing -I just couldn't connect with him on an emotional level. I got so excited that I'm like a normal girl for once going on a date but the minute he opened his mouth, I was like nope. And the thought of marriage to a guy... for the rest of my life is so scary to me. Like a prison. I'm certain it will end in divorce. Maybe it's got something to do with the fact that I have so many shitty men in my family... I don't know. Anyway, I almost ended up agreeing to marry that son of the family friend for the sake of my family and this 'situation' but then I stopped myself after praying istikhara because it wasn't fair on him. And I know I'd be miserable in a marriage but my family won't leave me alone. They're gossipping about me already smh.
I'm 24(F) living with my family. I've never been interested in boys much when I was younger and I've always been single. When I was 19, I had a crush. And it was on another GIRL. I didn't even realise what was going on until it happened again when I was 20...on another girl.
Last year, I met a someone (I won't torture you with the details). I convinced myself it was nothing and I'd get over it quick. It's been 8months (the longest so far) and I still can't look her in the eye - it is that intense. I had to stop going to the places I would expect to see her. You might think I'm ciyaalsuuq but I'm far from it. I pray 5 times a day, I wear full hijab, I very rarely lie or backbite, I've memorised the Qur'an and I attend islamic lectures regularly. Bear in mind I've never acted on these feelings and never did anything to encourage it. In fact, I've slowly drifted away from friends for this reason over the years... because I was afraid they'd see what I'm like.
Years ago, my father brought up the topic of marriage and we agreed to leave it until I graduated. Now, it has been a while since I graduated and my parents are asking questions. They tried to set me up with the son of a family friend and we went on a 'date'. Omg it was awful! He ticked every box but all I could think about was when I could leave. Recently, my friends set me up with a drop dead gorgeous guy and it's the same thing -I just couldn't connect with him on an emotional level. I got so excited that I'm like a normal girl for once going on a date but the minute he opened his mouth, I was like nope. And the thought of marriage to a guy... for the rest of my life is so scary to me. Like a prison. I'm certain it will end in divorce. Maybe it's got something to do with the fact that I have so many shitty men in my family... I don't know. Anyway, I almost ended up agreeing to marry that son of the family friend for the sake of my family and this 'situation' but then I stopped myself after praying istikhara because it wasn't fair on him. And I know I'd be miserable in a marriage but my family won't leave me alone. They're gossipping about me already smh.
