Advice

Hello!

I am a new user on this forum. I am full Somali and actually want, no I genuinely need an advice about my current situation. Excuse me for my broken English, I am still learning the language itself so I hope that it isn’t bothering anyone.

Here’s a back story on my relationship with my parents?:

Me and my mother didn’t always necessarily get along ever since I went through puberty and got older. this didn’t appeal to her because she couldn’t control me anymore as she could when I was younger. She wasn’t satisfied with the fact that I got a mind of my own and made my own decisions. when I was 12 years old, that’s when the “you are exactly like your father” comparisons started. Here’s a little background in my father:

I’m not sure if he’s younger then my mother, but he sure does act like it lol. He’s a very good person deep down but he sadly had an alcohol and drug addiction while he was with my mom. He tried his best but it eventually got the best of him. At one point my mom told him to choose between me his child and her, or his drug and alcohol addiction. At the time, he was under influence so without thinking he chose his addictions which made my mom kick him out of the house and made him never return home or to our life. She cut off all contact with him . My dad eventually started to realise what he did and his life at that point went upside down, my grandfather disowned him because of his addiction, he lost me and my mother, and his health, beauty and teeth were gone. It took him a long time to fight off his addictions and eventually became a better person. When he got a stable life in Europe he started to look for me and my mother in hopes for getting our family back: but that was already too late, my mom remarried and got other children while I completely forgot about him and had a dislike for him because of what my mom told me.

Eventually, he decided that he didn’t want to sue her and he was hoping trying to win me back. It never succeeded because I always chose my mother, and never him. He asked me countless of times if I ever wanted to live with him in London, and promised me that I would get my own room, my own TV, amazing and fun vacations with him and I wouldn’t have to live with my mother strict rules, but despite the fact that I didn’t necessarily got along with her or my half siblings, I still all loved them and stayed with them.

My mom over the years became crazier and more paranoid. She has a mental-illness which I am sure off, almost every female on our maternal side has it, but she doesn’t want to do anything with it and doesn’t believe in it either. She lashed her anger out on me and my siblings which in results, made us unstable, especially me and my older sibling have the most unstable mind in our house. It didn’t always help either that me and my older sibling were the punching bag of my mother. I became her punching bag because I was defying her, my older sibling was always her punching bag ever since we were young. It also never helped that whenever our mother came home that especially me and my older sister would be on our best behaviour, because we wouldn’t never know if she was angry, pissed off or happy. all the beatings, emotional abuse and gaslighting made me and them unstable.

she always had huge expectations off me, I was her “lucky child”. Other Somali people would compliment me for being smart and well behaved, but when I went through depression because of bullying throughout my elementary school and high school, I started to get worse at school.


I had a lot of respect for my mom, because being a single mother with 5 children is hard, really hard. But using your children as your emotional outlet is never something another person can do. I loved her, I really loved her. But the thing she accused me off yesterday made me hate and disgust about her. I don’t want to go in deep as to what she accused me off but it definitely made me put a distance from her. I defended myself yesterday and even cried from stress, anger and sadness and even then she dismissed me and

So I went out to the city, while in the bus I just became more and more depressed. I asked myself, what am I living for? For who am I living for? Definitely not for me because my mom controls every aspect in my life and would never allow me to follow my own life. Maybe I should have accepted my fathers offer? He is like me, he’s someone I can actually relate with, someone who’s similar to me. But then again, I don’t know him that much, and he lied to me in the past and is as hard headed as my mom, but he’s much more nicer and treats me with respect, and he also wants to be my friend, something I always wanted. Pleasing my mother and trying to win her affection just made me more miserable because I always tried to be her favourite which never worked out on her favour, I always defended her, and she almost never defended me. When she met another man despite after her 4th failed marriage I stood by her while my other siblings went against her, I told her no matter what happens in life I would support you with all of your decisions, she never was there for me as I was there for her. My relationship with my siblings is already dead, I never had a real bond with them, and our falling out just made it worse.

while looking at the river, I thought of myself that if I just could die at this moment I wouldn’t be miserable anymore, I wouldn’t feel this loneliness and emptiness in my life and I would finally be free, I was just this close to drowning myself and leaving no trace of myself.

luckily I gained my conscious back and told myself that I had to make a decision. Locking myself up in my room everyday and never coming out of it would never resolve my issue.

I want to choose as to who I can live with, with my mom or my dad? Despite the abuse I went through, I still love her and I wish her to get better, but living with my dad would let me become better, but my mom would disown me and never talk with me again.
 
I’m genuinely sorry if my post is extremely long, I finally got everything out while I could and I feel way much more at ease right now
 
You’re English is perfect 🤩 Really really perfect and btw I can totally relate with your current situation. reading your post made me realise that it’s really way much more better for you if you start living with your dad. Your mom doesn’t love you, she obviously doesn’t respect you. I recommend you to talk with your dad and expose her for who she really is
 

Basra

LOVE is a product of Doqoniimo mixed with lust
Let Them Eat Cake
VIP
Hello!

I am a new user on this forum. I am full Somali and actually want, no I genuinely need an advice about my current situation. Excuse me for my broken English, I am still learning the language itself so I hope that it isn’t bothering anyone.

Here’s a back story on my relationship with my parents?:

Me and my mother didn’t always necessarily get along ever since I went through puberty and got older. this didn’t appeal to her because she couldn’t control me anymore as she could when I was younger. She wasn’t satisfied with the fact that I got a mind of my own and made my own decisions. when I was 12 years old, that’s when the “you are exactly like your father” comparisons started. Here’s a little background in my father:

I’m not sure if he’s younger then my mother, but he sure does act like it lol. He’s a very good person deep down but he sadly had an alcohol and drug addiction while he was with my mom. He tried his best but it eventually got the best of him. At one point my mom told him to choose between me his child and her, or his drug and alcohol addiction. At the time, he was under influence so without thinking he chose his addictions which made my mom kick him out of the house and made him never return home or to our life. She cut off all contact with him . My dad eventually started to realise what he did and his life at that point went upside down, my grandfather disowned him because of his addiction, he lost me and my mother, and his health, beauty and teeth were gone. It took him a long time to fight off his addictions and eventually became a better person. When he got a stable life in Europe he started to look for me and my mother in hopes for getting our family back: but that was already too late, my mom remarried and got other children while I completely forgot about him and had a dislike for him because of what my mom told me.

Eventually, he decided that he didn’t want to sue her and he was hoping trying to win me back. It never succeeded because I always chose my mother, and never him. He asked me countless of times if I ever wanted to live with him in London, and promised me that I would get my own room, my own TV, amazing and fun vacations with him and I wouldn’t have to live with my mother strict rules, but despite the fact that I didn’t necessarily got along with her or my half siblings, I still all loved them and stayed with them.

My mom over the years became crazier and more paranoid. She has a mental-illness which I am sure off, almost every female on our maternal side has it, but she doesn’t want to do anything with it and doesn’t believe in it either. She lashed her anger out on me and my siblings which in results, made us unstable, especially me and my older sibling have the most unstable mind in our house. It didn’t always help either that me and my older sibling were the punching bag of my mother. I became her punching bag because I was defying her, my older sibling was always her punching bag ever since we were young. It also never helped that whenever our mother came home that especially me and my older sister would be on our best behaviour, because we wouldn’t never know if she was angry, pissed off or happy. all the beatings, emotional abuse and gaslighting made me and them unstable.

she always had huge expectations off me, I was her “lucky child”. Other Somali people would compliment me for being smart and well behaved, but when I went through depression because of bullying throughout my elementary school and high school, I started to get worse at school.


I had a lot of respect for my mom, because being a single mother with 5 children is hard, really hard. But using your children as your emotional outlet is never something another person can do. I loved her, I really loved her. But the thing she accused me off yesterday made me hate and disgust about her. I don’t want to go in deep as to what she accused me off but it definitely made me put a distance from her. I defended myself yesterday and even cried from stress, anger and sadness and even then she dismissed me and

So I went out to the city, while in the bus I just became more and more depressed. I asked myself, what am I living for? For who am I living for? Definitely not for me because my mom controls every aspect in my life and would never allow me to follow my own life. Maybe I should have accepted my fathers offer? He is like me, he’s someone I can actually relate with, someone who’s similar to me. But then again, I don’t know him that much, and he lied to me in the past and is as hard headed as my mom, but he’s much more nicer and treats me with respect, and he also wants to be my friend, something I always wanted. Pleasing my mother and trying to win her affection just made me more miserable because I always tried to be her favourite which never worked out on her favour, I always defended her, and she almost never defended me. When she met another man despite after her 4th failed marriage I stood by her while my other siblings went against her, I told her no matter what happens in life I would support you with all of your decisions, she never was there for me as I was there for her. My relationship with my siblings is already dead, I never had a real bond with them, and our falling out just made it worse.

while looking at the river, I thought of myself that if I just could die at this moment I wouldn’t be miserable anymore, I wouldn’t feel this loneliness and emptiness in my life and I would finally be free, I was just this close to drowning myself and leaving no trace of myself.

luckily I gained my conscious back and told myself that I had to make a decision. Locking myself up in my room everyday and never coming out of it would never resolve my issue.

I want to choose as to who I can live with, with my mom or my dad? Despite the abuse I went through, I still love her and I wish her to get better, but living with my dad would let me become better, but my mom would disown me and never talk with me again.


You have a tuff battle ahead of you. You have probably inherited your fathers good heart & conscientiousness, and your mothers mental disorder of anxiety and depression. Your best bet is to help your mother as she raised you while your father was helpless and was dealing with his own demons. I think you need to start seeing your mother as a human being and not an idol or a mother on a pedestal. Be firm and respectful towards her. Stand up for yourself next time she crosses your boundary. Tell her with clear thinking argument that she is your mother, but she cannot cross the line. Tell her you are here to help her but that can change. (low key threat!) Do your duties owed to you as her child, the rest is empty threat of disowning you which is between her and her God.

But above ALL, you need to grow up. You are no longer the small child abandoned by her father or mothered by your mother. You are a full grown Woman of substance. Own yourself, make plans, get a job or education, and your mother will respect you more. If you walk around depressed and dependent on her, you will be a victim to her mental illness. Start a new day with a new attitude!
 
Last edited:
Top